Mom to Mom

[panda1234]

@decaf He lives out of state so I don't know if he goes to the dentist. His gums look inflamed and that really bothers me. As far as buying him a toothbrush, last Christmas I got him a groomer for his beard and he does not use that. The beard is a hot mess. It gets trimmed once a month by his dad when he cuts his hair..

[panda1234]

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@LindaSal wrote:

I would just tell him like it is!   Of course being a dental assistant for my lifelong career, good dental hygiene was instilled in my children at a very young age.  However, who else is going to tell him other than his mom??   There are kind ways to tell people that others are talking about them due to certain behaviors they are exibiting.   It's tough love but you just have to try.

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@LindaSal this is very hard. Do you see much of this at work? If so, how do handle it?

[LindaSal]

@panda1234  I am retired now after 30 years in the field.  We did see it more than you can imagine and yes it can be difficult to discuss.  However, the best thing you can do is to educate people in preventive care.   I used to tell my kids when they were growing up that brushing without flossing is like taking a shower and not bothering to wash your hair.

There is so much available today for dental homecare, there really is no excuse in my book except for laziness.  Granted some people who are diabetic or have other serious health issues can suffer more dental problems than others.  But at the same time, good oral hygiene is possible for everyone.

[CANDLEQUEEN]

How is he with the rest of his hygiene? Bathing? clean clothes, etc?? Sometimes lack of good hygiene is a sign of depression as well. I would speak to my child, and see if there are any other underlying issues. I would also speak to his wife, you never know what is going on unless you communicate!

[panda1234]

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@CANDLEQUEEN wrote:

How is he with the rest of his hygiene? Bathing? clean clothes, etc?? Sometimes lack of good hygiene is a sign of depression as well. I would speak to my child, and see if there are any other underlying issues. I would also speak to his wife, you never know what is going on unless you communicate!

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@CANDLEQUEEN Everything has gone to the wayside. I am thinking along the lines of depression too.

[panda1234]

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@LindaSal wrote:

@panda1234  I am retired now after 30 years in the field.  We did see it more than you can imagine and yes it can be difficult to discuss.  However, the best thing you can do is to educate people in preventive care.   I used to tell my kids when they were growing up that brushing without flossing is like taking a shower and not bothering to wash your hair.

There is so much available today for dental homecare, there really is no excuse in my book except for laziness.  Granted some people who are diabetic or have other serious health issues can suffer more dental problems than others.  But at the same time, good oral hygiene is possible for everyone.

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@LindaSal I place a high value on oral hygiene. Our society judges people on that.

[panda1234]

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@jubilant wrote:

@panda1234   If you should see signs of declining health or depression that is another story. Then, I think it would be ok to let him know you are worried about his health.  I wouldn't use the subject of his teeth, however, to initiate such a discussion.  I also wouldn't worry about what other people think.  I know when it comes to our children, that it is sometimes hard to stand by and watch because we taught them better than that!!   

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@jubilant So very true. 

[panda1234]

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@SloopJohnB wrote:

@panda1234   Yes, for future reference, I would say something to him.  I equate it to ..... better to tell a friend they have spinach in their teeth than walk around all day not knowing......or letting someone know their fly is unzipped, etc......

And this is coming from the mom of a 30 year old high functioning autistic son.....

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@SloopJohnB Great analogy.

[panda1234]

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@lolakimono wrote:

@panda1234 

Here is my perspective.  I am a teacher and my mom worked for my dentist, so growing up we always heard about dental hygiene.

Is there something he finds difficult about brushing?  Maybe he hasn't found a toothbrush or a toothpaste that feels right? Some toothpastes are too gritty or they taste like peroxide.  Perhaps a children's toothpaste would be a better fit?  Could it be a motor skill thing where a manual toothbrush is difficult for him?  Does he like gadgets, like a battery operated spin brush?  Or would he use mouthwash?  I would dig down to find out what about that particular hygiene ritual he dislikes.  I'm sure if he is married his wife has already pointed it out to him, but maybe what he hasn't found is a solution that appeals to him.  

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@lolakimono You made lots of good points, thank you. It could be anyone of those things you mentioned.

[SloopJohnB]

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@panda1234 wrote:

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@SloopJohnB wrote:

@panda1234   Yes, for future reference, I would say something to him.  I equate it to ..... better to tell a friend they have spinach in their teeth than walk around all day not knowing......or letting someone know their fly is unzipped, etc......

And this is coming from the mom of a 30 year old high functioning autistic son.....

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@SloopJohnB Great analogy.

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@panda1234   Thank you.  I mean we would tell a friend or even just an acquaintance if they needed to use a little extra care here and there, so I would certainly tell my loved one, especially since he is special needs.  But he, and you, must be doing something right.... He is married.....my son is still single.  😉