How would you handle or not handle a lack of hygie... - Page 3

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@ECBG wrote:
In this case, as a concernend parent, I would tell him he needed to brush his teeth and remind him of the issues that arise from not brushing.

Poor dental health can also effect your heart.

@ECBG So very true. In our house we have always spared no expense when it comes to our teeth.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Iwantcoffee wrote:
It is not for me to handle a lack of hygiene in an adult son who is married. My job as a mom was to train him when he was young at home. When he is a married adult with a job that ship has sailed. I am not saying you did not teach him as children do not always follow what their parents teach.

@Iwantcoffee This was never an issue until he was married, I am puzzled. And you are right, that ship has sailed. I wish I understood what was going on as it is embarrassing.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@mom2four0418 wrote:
@panda1234 wrote:
My 31 year old son is a little aspergery. Before getting married and living at home the only hygiene issue was not doing a good job brushing teeth. He showered daily, hair brushed, etc. Now he always looks a mess, like he just rolled out of bed. He has applied for several jobs within his company and never got them. Well, yesterday we attended a funeral which he was a pallbearer. Again he looked like a mess and his teeth were not brushed.......I was mortified. How could his wife let him out like that? Should I let this go? I feel awkward saying something but I am sure people are talking.
Leave them both alone.

@mom2four0418 I will most likely do that.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Sooner wrote:
@panda1234 Of course I think you should talk to him about it--he's your son. Nobody knows his history and his tendencies like you do.

Maybe along the way something you find out will help his wife as well. It's an important issue--so I applaud you for worrying about his well being.

@Sooner As I mentioned he is aspergery and hygiene is a social skill. People with Aspergers do sometimes lack social skills. He was not like this before he got married, I just don't understand.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@skatting44 wrote:
If he were my child, I would speak with him privately and ask if he was depressed. Sometimes, the first sign of depression can be a decline in personal hygeine .

Is his wife poor on her hygeine ?

@skatting44 No, his wife is the total opposite. Thank you for mentioning depression, I never thought of that....good point. To be honest I was leaning towards not talking to him about this because I didn't know how to bring it up. Being concerned about depression is a good way to ease into the subject.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@kaydee50 wrote:
What does his wife say? How is her hygiene? He's an adult and married so IMO I don't think it's mom's place to say anything. Although if he were my son I would probably tell him he looked like a mess and then let it go.

@kaydee50 his wife is not at all like that, every hair in place. I don't think she has said anything. If it were my husband I would never let him out of the house looking like that.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Jaspersmom wrote:
I take a different approach. If your son is Asperger's (now part of the autism spectrum), then you are fully aware of some of his challenges. Most have to do with social norms, cues, interactions, etc. What might be important to the average person may not be as important or foremost in his mind as with more typical people. We have a loved one in our family who also is classified and deals with social problems from time to time. If you have a close relationship with your son and he is accepting of your input, then YES, talk to him. He sees the world from a different perspective and may need to be reminded that not everyone sees it from his. You should let him know the reasons why it's important for good hygiene especially out in public. Don't do this in a critical way if you can avoid that and especially if he is overly sensitive. My family member is, but once she processes all of it (sometimes take awhile), then she does make an effort to change. She has a loving and supportive family so that helps. I know others will think talking to an adult married son is off limits, but I think you may be the only one who can speak to him in a way that will make sense to him.

@Jaspersmom This is definitely a struggle. Thank you for your insight.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

I would ask myself, "Would I say this to any other adult"? He is an adult and needs to be treated like an adult. You raised him to take care of his teeth. Like anything else you taught him, it is his choice now. The consequences will also be his.

Kudo's for teaching him good dental care. Maybe one day someone will say something to him. Sometimes what mom says goes in one ear and out the other! Someone else can say it and, "BINGO", it gets their attention.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@D Kay wrote:
Sometimes a lack of personal hygiene can go along with emotional or mental disorders. Has he been this way his whole life? Has the problem become more severe and noticed by others? If he is functioning fine and no one else care, leave the subject alone. if not, perhaps seek the advice of a physician.

@D Kay He has not always been like this that is why I am concerned. I have no idea on how he is functioning as I only see him 2 or 3 times a month. Being aspergery he does not share his feelings. He has been turned down for several promotions at work and this could be the reason.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@jubilant wrote:
I would ask myself, "Would I say this to any other adult"? He is an adult and needs to be treated like an adult. You raised him to take care of his teeth. Like anything else you taught him, it is his choice now. The consequences will also be his.
Kudo's for teaching him good dental care. Maybe one day someone will say something to him. Sometimes what mom says goes in one ear and out the other! Someone else can say it and, "BINGO", it gets their attention.

@jubilant So true. This is hard because not taking care of your teeth affects your heart. When you get major oral problem from not brushing it's $$$$.