Mom to Mom

[manny2]

When I posted I didn't realize this was an old thread. Maybe @panda1234 can update us on how everything is going. 

[panda1234]

---

@manny2 wrote:

When I posted I didn't realize this was an old thread. Maybe @panda1234 can update us on how everything is going. 

---

@manny2  Thank you for your suggestions. He is the same, no changes. At this point I have given up, he is an adult.

[shoekitty]

That is a tough one, but to quote my mother. "Once a Mother, always a mother". Lol

[PuppyLoverBob666]

---

@SloopJohnB wrote:

And this is coming from the mom of a 30 year old high functioning autistic son.....

---

What's that got to do with it? Anyway, if it were me I might take his wife aside and tactfully talk to her about it. In most cases, a wife will have more influence that a mother (ask me how I know ).

[SloopJohnB]

---

@PuppyLoverBob666 wrote:

---

@SloopJohnB wrote:

And this is coming from the mom of a 30 year old high functioning autistic son.....

---

What's that got to do with it? Anyway, if it were me I might take his wife aside and tactfully talk to her about it. In most cases, a wife will have more influence that a mother (ask me how I know ).

---

@PuppyLoverBob666 It's a wonder I even saw your response as you didn't tag me.  The thread only came back to my attention since I was notified reference another like on it.  To answer your question.....what it has to do with it.....meaning social cues, including things like hygiene, are not always my son's forte.  That's all, nothing more, nothing less.

[PuppyLoverBob666]

SloopJohnB....I've been meaning to tell you I like your tag line. It reminds me of all the pets I've sent to Heaven. I miss them so much.

[NYCMOM]

Hello, 

I am sorry if this was addressed already - but I did not go through all the many answers posted.  I work with kids on the spectrum - from 14- 21 years of age. 

And social skills and hygiene are a big challenge for them. 

There are lots of reasons people on all the levels of the spectrum may lack good hygiene skills.  Sometimes its sensory issues, sometimes its the ups and downs of depression, anxiety, distractablity as in ADHD or they dont understand the ranking of importantance of self care in social interactions.

When kids are young we try and teach them that a clean body is a comfortable body. 

like a basic thought : not brushing your teeth can make cavities and cavities hurt. 

Dirty hair can be come itchy...etc  You know  basics like that. 

When they get older,  a series of bright index card systems are used - 1 on the bathroom mirror.    Morning Self care :  Wash face, Brush teeth. Comb hair. (check, check, check) .  On fridge:  Get lunch, bottle of water, get phone, keys...etc

I know it sound silly, but it does help to have a physical mental check list when people are stressed and the normal routines are now not be done.  We all use to-do list in one way or another.  I myself use lists when I am overwhelmed with work, family etc. it keeps me in check. 

I would speak to your son, ( I would leave his wife name out of it) But you are his mom and want to see the best for him. 

It is obvious to anyone in heath care that when a person losses interest in personal hygiene there is something going on with that person.   Life with challenges, can be overwhelming. Relationships are a hard thing to navigate in general. Sometimes a good open dialogue is the very thing one needs. 

I hope this helps somewhat. 

Wishing you the best for your family, 

[Trailrun23]

If your son has Asperger's he may need regular reminders about stuff like brushing his teeth...may not be on his radar or in his head it's just optional, not a hygiene necessity. I would wonder about his wife not reminding him. I would say something to him if you have the kind of relationship where  you think it would be well-received.

[Liamsworld]

Sadly we're dealing with this in our family, with our mom. Dementia has took hold of her so getting her to bathe or even wash her face is a challenge. She used to get her hair done every 2 weeks without fail. She was very stylish at 73-74yrs, then overnight that was over. No matter what we buy her or try going to a salon, there's no way she'll do it. She's a size 14, wears size 22-24 only. I made sure to read every comment on this thread even tho it's pretty old lol but I needed some answers... 

[SloopJohnB]

---

@Liamsworld wrote:

Sadly we're dealing with this in our family, with our mom. Dementia has took hold of her so getting her to bathe or even wash her face is a challenge. She used to get her hair done every 2 weeks without fail. She was very stylish at 73-74yrs, then overnight that was over. No matter what we buy her or try going to a salon, there's no way she'll do it. She's a size 14, wears size 22-24 only. I made sure to read every comment on this thread even tho it's pretty old lol but I needed some answers... 

---

@Liamsworld   Unfortunately, I had to deal with this with my mom, too.  Turns out it was easier to deal with my son with autism than her.  So, as time went on, she was very lax in her daily hygiene habits.  It had become a struggle.  But then as the Alzheimer's got worse, I ended up doing everything for her and I mean everything.  

So I really don't have any answers for you but I will say that I have regrets.  I miss her so much that I would GLADLY do it all again for her.  😔