Mom to Mom

[Maggie Nolia]

A person's elders are addressed as Mr. and Mrs. unless and until they say, "Please call me (whatever)," and maybe not even then.

[CalminHeart]

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@phoenixbrd wrote:

j was taught as a child to address adults as Mr./Mrs.  If meeting a potential mother/father-in-law, it would be appropriate to not to call them by their first names even though the girl is 37 (unless in-laws request that you use their first names)   I think this is a reflection of how you were raised and, for me, is a sign of respect.  For my family, just good manners.

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I was raised that way too and it probably worked at the time. 

When I was growing up in the 50s and early 60s, women were barely recognized unless they were a Mrs.  Even as a Mrs, women were still 2nd class citizens. Thank goodness it changed.  

I'm an individual, not just someone's wife. I don't consider it at all disrespectful to use my first name. If someone called me Mrs, I'd immediately correct them. 

[manny2]

I think first name is appropriate, especially with the age of both involved. It wouldn’t be a problem for me.

[manny2]

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@SKV wrote:

That seems very stuffy and controlling to me.  To be upset that your 42 year old son's girlfriend addressed you by your first name?!?  Seems to me they are trying to find reasons not to like her.   I would only be upset if my sons 37 year old girlfriend DIDN'T call me by my first name.  

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This response is way too deep. @SKV Some of these customs are generational, so it’s hard to change what is a learned behavior.  It is that simple.

[ninjawife]

I believe that I called my in laws Mrs. and Mr. when I first met them but as I got to know them, I addressed them by their first names.  I just asked my 25 year old daughter how she addresses her boyfriend's parents and she said by Mrs. and Mr. 

[Winkk]

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@panda1234 wrote:

@cuddlesmama Or they don't address you as anything.

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@panda1234. ...My DIL of 25 years has never addressed me by name.  I don't  know why.  My SIL uses my first name and I sign cards to her using my first name.  She just starts talking about whatever she was going to say.  Weird

[millieshops]

There's nothing in my thinking that feels the slightest lack of respect by the girlfriend, but I know I would not care to be Mrs. XYZ's DIL.  

[LindaSal]

I don' t feel like it's disrespectful these days.  Things are different today.  My kids SO's call me by my first name and that doesn't bother me at all.  Of course when we were young we always had to address our elders as Mr or Mrs, I even find myself still saying yes ma'am and yes sir but it is engrained in me, it's a learned behaviour as another poster put it.  I'm one of those who doesn't address my MIL as anything, I just talk, LOL!

She's not the nicest MIL in the world, I'm a much better one but that's another topic!

[Bhvbum]

I don't know of any adult who calls another adult when introduced, by anything but their first name.  For professional people, this might be an exception like your doctor, and clergy, you might address them with their title, like President Biden, Rev. Smith. etc.  

The real question is why is this so annoying? 

[cjm61]

Personally, I never liked being called Mrs. H. Anytime anyone called me Mrs. H I felt they were speaking to my mother-in-law. I always asked to be called by my first name. In fact, when I worked in the schools I told the students and staff to call me "Christi" and some staff would tell students to go see "Ms. Christi". I felt it was me and not my MIL and the kids connected to me better. I was the nurse so it would make them more comfortable. 

What's funny, I have 3 kids with spouses and rarely have I heard them call me anything. When they do say "Christi" it kind of takes me back as it's so rare.