Mom to Mom

[ROMARY]

I'd listen to my DH and give two weeks notice. Rest a week and then look for another job. Even if they are called 'seasonal' and/or 'part time'. You'll be surprised how a part time/seasonal job will become full time job if and when you are a wonderful employee.

[Marienkaefer2]

On 1/19/2015 NYC Susan said:

On 1/19/2015 sfnative said:

A few things jumped off the page when I read your piece, OP. They were notable.

First, that you're a new mother. Aside from everything else that goes on in your world, your child should take #1 priority.

However, if you're working in a toxic environment (I've worked in one, too), it is taxing on your body, causing the release of all the wrong hormones and chemicals. Additionally, it can negatively affect your psyche and the energy you project. Your baby can pick up on this.

I believe your husband to be correct: that the best thing for you to do would be to walk away from this position now. And, don't give that women the satisfaction of 2 weeks notice.

***

Your boss is guilty of professional defamation in uttering things we can only imagine beyond the gross insulting of you and your baby. If other people heard her negative comments to you during work hours, they could be used as witnesses, should you wish to pursue a case against her.

I really disagree with this. It's unprofessional to leave without giving two weeks notice. I would never just walk out on a job, and I know how people are perceived when they do.

It's not about sticking it to the boss. It's about not burning bridges and it's about acting like a considerate professional even when the other person is neither considerate nor professional. Why give her anything negative to say about the OP? It's far better to do a good job, follow protocol, and leave under the best terms possible. Whether the boss is demanding and controlling or not.

ITA with NYCSusan. No matter how badly this boss is treating you, you have to think about the big picture. Whatever you do, do it in a professional manner. Not for the boss...for you and the future of your career and good name.

[LoriMI]

Be a stay-at-home mom. THAT is the most important job you can have. On your deathbed you won't say 'I should have spent more time at the office'.

Just buckle down, eat cheaply, and do free things like parks, etc. Being with your kids instead of farming them to childcare, is better for them and you.

[LQQKIN]

You should to schedule a meeting with her and express some of your concerns. Do reverse physiology on her and ask what you can do to change her behavior. Document Document Document, because in the end someone is her boss and sharing this or calling EEOC will give your satisfaction if you do move on !

Believe it or not, sometimes with a strong personality like your boss they just don't see it until they are called out.

Never ever quit a job before have one lined up.

[Annabellethecat66]

My daughter was very, very unhappy at her job. She put up with the place and one man (her boss) for 1 & 1/2 years.

She kept looking for another job. She just started a new job. Is she working her fanny off? You bet she is. Is it difficult, you bet it is!

Is she happier? Definitely only because she doesn't dread going to work every day. She feels appreciated. She doesn't have to have an @@## hole in her life.

That last sentence alone is worth all of the money in the world.

I'm her Mom. As soon as she accepted the new job, it was amazing. She lives in another state and I used to worry constantly about her.

Jobs like you have and she had affects your health, you might not realize it, but it does!!

Run. Run. Do not stop. Get another job and you'll look back and say how in the world and why in the world did I put up with that job and that person or those people.

Life's too short. Come back and tell us how you're doing.

Pretend like I'm your Mom. I don't hold back words. I know your Mom would tell you all of this. Maybe she had. Just call me Mom!

[Eileen in Virginia]

On 1/19/2015 SchnauzerMommyNYC said: Thank you all for the advice. Very insightful. I'm blessed to have support from family. My mother in law is retired and watches the baby for free during the day so I can work. My husband and I alternate the night shift so we both can bond and care for the baby. I'm under contract for another few months and then I'll be asked to renew my contract or let them know I'm leaving. I have a few months to make the move and plan appropriately. I feel hope after reading your messages and what others have been through. I will definitely keep you posted. Thank you!

If you're under contract to your employer, what are the consequences for terminating your contract before its contractual end date? It doesn't sound like this job's one that you'd want to extend, so I'd recommend quietly looking for another job while fulfilling the terms of your current contract. You don't want to give them the opportunity to say that you didn't honor your contract. As someone who's nearing the end of your contract, they shouldn't be surprised that you're tactfully looking into lining up your next work engagement. This would also reinforce staff allegations of the toxic work environment that your supervisor's fostering and that upper level management is supporting by failing to address it. Also, stop bringing work home. All your boss cares about is the fact that the work's getting done - she doesn't appreciate all the extra effort you're devoting to getting the job done. Unless they're paying you overtime or comp time, you only owe them your best efforts for completing the work in the course of a reasonable work week. While this may be more than a 40 hour work week, it certainly doesn't equate to 24/7 availability, especially with an infant in the house. If she's only going to give you a decent performance appraisal and/or recommendation, why kill yourself in hopes of getting an unlikely (based on your description of your boss) outstanding recommendation? Good luck!

[emmysmom]

On 1/19/2015 Kookielady said:

I will probably (definitely) get a LOT OF FLACK for this.

When I was ready to deliver my son I decided I wanted to be home with him. Now I had a very difficult time getting pregnant in the first place so you can understand why I did what I did.

Needing to earn some money I decided to work part time when my son turned 5 and went to kindergarden. My husband (at the time) watched him at night when he got home at 4:30.pm. I worked the 5-10 pm shift. It was great.

I could not see having someone else bring up my child. He is 39 yrs old and married and now I see I can never get those moments back again-only the memories. The first time he walked or said Mama or Dada etc.

I have no regrets ever. Good luck with whatever you decide.

No flack here! I have three grown sons and stayed home with them. I will be forever grateful! I think you did the right thing..and I'm sure your son would agree!

[Jova]

On 1/19/2015 Kookielady said:

I will probably (definitely) get a LOT OF FLACK for this.

When I was ready to deliver my son I decided I wanted to be home with him. Now I had a very difficult time getting pregnant in the first place so you can understand why I did what I did.

Needing to earn some money I decided to work part time when my son turned 5 and went to kindergarden. My husband (at the time) watched him at night when he got home at 4:30.pm. I worked the 5-10 pm shift. It was great.

I could not see having someone else bring up my child. He is 39 yrs old and married and now I see I can never get those moments back again-only the memories. The first time he walked or said Mama or Dada etc.

I have no regrets ever. Good luck with whatever you decide

No flack from me either. You worked and raised your son Kookie. IMHO, that is a lot to juggle, even if you worked PT.

I also had a very hard time conceiving, and a difficult pregnancy. I decided to work part time until DD was in first grade. I have worked full time since then, but I have been blessed to be able to have schedules that were/are a little flexible. DD is 15, and I too don't regret being home with her when she was little, although I do realize I would be even further along in my career had I worked FT. But life is full of trade offs. And I loved having extra time with DD.

[NAES1]

Hi Schnauzer Mommy NYC,

I will never understand, if I live to be 100 years old, why young mothers, HAVING BABIES-and ,,,,,,,,then wanting to go to work? The job of being a stay at home mother is ~yes, the most rewarding job, also one of the most difficult undertaking that any woman could Love. I agree with Campion's post #1 .

It is a choice of either -- >24/7 or-9-5...throw in the FREE grandmother WHILE working out, is almost too good, but you will never recover those precious moments that you will definitely miss!

I could not guarantee you another job in today's market..no one could. You are very blessed to have a supported husband who understands. In fact, with a baby, WHILE WORKING, "the cost is more expensive...clothes, meals and travel expenses".

There is enough stress in life without adding more by putting a 'job' first and have little time left left for husband & precious baby. The smartest decision is `that` you have not burned any bridges behind you. That will come later, as a good DECISION from an intelligent employee, later on [IF] you do decide to ever take on the task in working outside the home.

I AM NOT SPEAKING ABOUT the mom WHO IS DIVORCED OR WIDOWED HAVING TO MAKE DIFFICULT CHOICES AS IN WORKING. I never could understand why any mom or dad would want to have children and let someone else raise them, even grandparents being second parents all day; they have already reared their family and usually end up wanting their life back..(in most situations).

**FLACK::? WHAT?! Why would any one have or send FLACK to a mother wanting to be a full time mom at home?

It's one thing DIFFERENT for an unmarried woman changing jobs, but another set of emotions for any mother with a child or children, with no father- married or not. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW LIFE.

_Naes

[CalminHeart]

I can only dream of raising my kids, being a stay at home mom. We needed the money. And then my husband deserted us. I raised these kids and they are great. Working or not, a good parent still raises their kids. I was always appalled at people who thought it was a disgrace for me to work. Sometimes life takes turns you don't expect. Parents who are worth anything will find ways to make things work.

My sons are now grown. Both are highly educated, smart, in dependent, and incredible men. One is married, one has a serious GF. One is a Captain and Special Ops in the Army. One is a therapist working with addicts and those with mental illness as a result of addiction.

You can raise your kids and work. But if you have enough family income and you can stay home, that's good too. Why do people insinuate that either is bad?