Mom to Mom

[motherinlaw]

I was a stay at home Mom until our youngest was eleven. My husband is self employed and I have always worked with him in his business and then worked in the "outside world" for twelve years until that job expired. Also worked before the children were born.

My joy was being home with and raising our two boys. No job could keep me away from them. We managed our finances accordingly and never looked back. Best decision of our lives was to raise our own children.

When I did go back to work, it was a dream job and the first few years were wonderful and rewarding. But as my boss grew older, her demands became greater and she made the work environment toxic. She was also trying to desperately sell the business. She sold the business six months after I left but not before she alienated customers and staff....which was too bad.

IMHO...no job is worth that kind of stress. I should know....I stayed too long. The emotional and physical stress was intolerable. Your child needs you well and happy to say nothing of your beloved husband.

Follow your heart. You will make the right decision.

[cosmic1]

Since you are under contract, are you constrained to stay until the end? If so, use this time to plan and update your resume. Sometimes, just knowing that you will be moving on is enough to alleviate the stress. It's as if you mentally get over it and move on, so the situation stops bothering you. If you can end your contract early, I'd still say to secure another job first. Many employers won't even consider you if you don't already have a job. Good luck and I hope things work out for you soon.

[meonlybetter]

Although I understand your boss is psychotic, I'd never leave a job until I had another job lined up. I might be old school, but it's the route I'd take. Since you landed this job, I believe you'll land another job. Good luck!

[lovesrecess]

Life is too short to live like this......if you can possibly take a break and stay home with your baby, that would be best for everyone....if it isn't possible to do that, find another position ASAP and quit. You will be a better mother and wife outside of that toxic environment. Unfortunately, I speak from personal experience.....no big salary is worth the stress and abuse. You need all your emotional self for your husband and baby; avoid anything that might compromise it. Good luck to you.

[lovesrecess]

1

[Mrsq2022]

On 1/19/2015 Jabberjaw said:

Maybe I am missing something here, but you say you have only been on the job for a few months, yet she insulted you while you were pregnant. Were you pregnant when you started the job and did they know that you would be taking off at least 6 weeks within the first few months of your new job?

No, I wouldn't stay in a toxic job, but if you were not forthright with your pregnancy when you started the job, this might be the reason for some of the animosity. However, a gap of a few months in your resume can easily be explained...especially if you are a new mom...leave!

I was also going to ask for clarification on the timeline. OP must have started working there at the end of a pregnancy, took a pregnancy leave (which was probably a very short leave?) and has had a hard time with her boss ever since. I wanted to ask more about this because 2-3 month post parted wreak havoc on your hormones and emotions. You are going to be more sensitive, and emotional, and (in my experience) borderline psychotic at times! I am not saying that this is a good place for you to work - Not at all. But you and only you know what will work for your family right now. Your husband sounds like he doesn't want you to quit until you've lined up another job and I think you should follow his advice, because after having a baby is not always the best time to make life-changing decisions. This is a decision for a husband and wife - none of us know how demanding your boss is, amd how many months your family can afford to survive on one income, how the boss insulted you and your baby... So I'm not offering an opinion at all, other than sit down with your husband, figure out your budget, and figure out where you can afford to be out if work for (potentially) a year or more depending on your field and how competitive it is. Good luck!

[Emree]

From my personal experience, I have found that when I felt like a job or situation was wrong and it was causing me stress I have always listened to my gut and left, and almost always it felt like a ton of bricks were lifted off of my shoulders after I left and things improved in my life. Life is short, it's just not worth it to stay somewhere you are miserable. I agree with the poster who said your child should be priority number one. Money comes and money goes, family does not. LEAVE.

[wismiss]

I have not read all of the above posts so perhaps I will be repeating what someone else has already suggested.

First of all, I would start documenting EVERYTHING that is inappropriate or illegal for her to say or do to you. Consult an attorney---see if you have a harassment case based on what she said about you and about your baby. Did anyone else hear it?

I have learned over the years to trust your gut. It is usually correct and doesn't "analyze" like the brain does.

If upper management has not acted upon her past behaviors, then most likely they aren't going to do so at any time in the future. I have seen many times where someone was in a similar situation as you, and they tried to make it work, only to be let go. It is always better to leave on your terms than to be terminated.

Having your husband suggest you leave this job is a major positive in your favor. His support will be so welcomed and needed when you make your decision.

I have also learned over the years that money isn't always the answer to everything. Stress is a major contributor to many physical ailments and can also negatively influence your home environment. Are those worth it?

Apparently you have a work history, as you said "I have never left a job this quickly before". When you have an interview, just explain that the job and you just did not "fit together". Do not criticize or be negative about your present job. Something like "I learned many skills such as .................during my time at ........... and those same skills will be useful in this position. I feel that this position and I will be a better fit....... Something like that.

Saving your money in the event of not having a job is a very, very wise thing to do.

I feel for you. I am now retired and I do not miss the politics of most working environments. Life is too short to wake up every morning and dread going to a place where you spend 8+ hours a day.

[SchnauzerMommyNYC]

Thank you all for your comments. I am moved by all of you taking the time to respond, share your experiences, and offers of support. You give me hope and strength. My decision is to leave when my contract comes up for renewal. This will give me time to continue to save and reorganize and prepare. I will give notice as my conscious would bother me if I didn't. I have a few months to go and as many of you recommended, I will continue to do a good job until I leave so I don't burn bridges with the team. I completely agree that my baby and my health/sanity are more important than being in a toxic environment. The answer has been obvious to me, but the money was a big concern. I grew up poor and worked very hard to build a life. It's scary. I know I'm not alone. I will pray and prepare for my next move to be a positive and fulfilling one. Thank you for saying that if I found this job then I can find another one. My husband and I are going to crunch the numbers this weekend, I'm going to redo my resume and consider looking for part time or freelance work. Thank you to the person that suggested that. I have thought for awhile that maybe it's time to change careers and while my priority is raising my child, I'm going to give more thought to the kind of work I want to do in the future as well. I need something that is family friendly and low key. We don't live lavishly - we don't have cable, rarely eat out, and I only shop QVC around holidays/birthdays for others and even that is on a budget. It took many years to have my baby so we started saving for the baby years ago and cleared up some debts to be ready. I love caring for my child and if there's any way possible, I would love to stay home. However I need to see the numbers as I don't want to put stress on my husband to be the sole earner. That's a conversation we will have in earnest starting today. He has been my rock - wonderful and supportive. Again thank you all for your kindness and generosity of spirit. I will hold onto that while I prepare my exit. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[GRACIE]

If this job is causing you so much stress, why stay? Start looking for another job. You don't need anyone to tell you that the way you are being treated is wrong. As others have commented, documents all incidents. Ask yourself is the money worth it? Only you can answer that question.