Mom to Mom

[SchnauzerMommyNYC]

Hi ladies, my heart is heavy and I could really use some advice. I got a new job that I was so proud of (better pay and a promotion) but it's turned into a nightmare and while it's only been a few months, my gut is telling me to cut my losses and quit this job. My boss is demanding, exacting, distrustful and controlling. I'm working long days and then I bring work home with me to stay on top of my job. I'm not afraid of hard work but it's her attitude. She's toxic and my colleagues complain about her too. When I was pregnant she insulted me and my baby! Upper management sympathizes but they do nothing and even if they did, I seriously doubt you can change someone's personality. Also we don't have an HR office. My husband says I should find another job and quit this one. However I'm just not sure I'll find another job or one close at this salary so soon in this economy. I've never left a job this quickly before but I know staying in a toxic environment will do damage to my self esteem and stress levels. I'm a new mom and trying to make the right decision. While I'm planning I am making sure not to create new debt so I've stopped shopping on QVC. Saving the money for my potential exit. What would you do? I appreciate your advice and support. Thank you

[Campion]

Sweetheart! You have my sympathies. I've had jobs where immediately, it was apparent I was NOT in the right spot. It NEVER GETS BETTER.

Do you really have to work right away? Your baby needs you, your husband is seeing you take toxic hits and has suggested you quit. Do some math. How much are you making at the end of the day, if you are using daycare and commuting and paying taxes?

Do a budget and add up what you make vs what you take home and see if you can stay home. It's better for your entire family when you are a new mom. That is a full time job and exhausting. How much time are you spending with the baby? With the husband? Are you working a second shift (the home care?) If you figure it out, you can confer with your husband and see if it makes sense to leave a toxic place and do your own child care for as long as you can.

[Campion]

Let us know what happens, btw.

[drizzellla]

That is a tough decision.

I had a boss who had lots of troubles - in all aspects of her life. And of course I got the brunt of it for 8 hours a day. Our company was sold and we all had to fill out our job descriptions. She didn't do much work (she was working most of the day working on her husband's start up company). So she put all the work I normally did on her job description. Of course big company buying our little company laid me off.

She could not handle the work that I did and her husband's company was not doing well. She and her husband had bankrupted their previous family business and just walked away - not paying utilities, employees and taxes. Then her husband died from strep throat - well that sent her spiraling even more.

She went out on disability because she wasn't handling her job or herself well. The first thing they did was call me and ask me to come back.

Do you think your toxic boss might be on her way out? Sometimes you don't see it coming but people might be slowly working behind the scenes. It is such a shame to go to work hating to go in. Especially since this job was such a good opportunity. But if it is not right - sometimes it is just best to cut your losses and move on. I do recommend that you look for a new job while you still have this one. Because you can keep saying to yourself that you are looking for a new job and your present one will eventually end. Good Luck

[judgejudith]

Find another job first, then quit. Always easier to get a job when you already have a job!

[gardensla]

While its conventional wisdom to stay in your job while looking for another and most times the best strategy, in this instance I have to disagree. This isn't about your boss--she is who she is, and the situation is what it is. I'll bet if you didn't have so much going on, you'd be able to deal with her, however insane she might be (she sounds awful). You're clearly exhausted and overwhelmed. It'll be difficult to interview effectively under those conditions and with so much on your plate, even scheduling interviews will be a challenge. I don't want to see you setting yourself up for even more stressful days when you're already being ground into dust.

There are times when the money has to be the last element in making a decision and this is one of them. This is about you, about hitting the pause button in your own life, resting up, and charging into a new life with verve, excitement and passion.

I've been laid off a number of times in my career and while the circumstances are a bit different than yours, the end is the same--getting up in the morning with no job to go to and no money coming in. In every instance, I landed in a better job mostly because I had the brain space to prepare for interviews which these days are very challenging.

If you truly can't live on one income, see if you can negotiate a four day work week. It's worth asking and would give you some breathing room for interviewing.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please let us know what you decide to do.

[Campion]

On 1/19/2015 gardensla said:

While its conventional wisdom to stay in your job while looking for another and most times the best strategy, in this instance I have to disagree. This isn't about your boss--she is who she is, and the situation is what it is. I'll bet if you didn't have so much going on, you'd be able to deal with her, however insane she might be (she sounds awful). You're clearly exhausted and overwhelmed.It'll be difficult to interview effectively under those conditions and with so much on your plate, even scheduling interviews will be a challenge. I don't want to see you setting yourself up for even more stressful days when you're already being ground into dust.

There are times when the money has to be the last element in making a decision and this is one of them. This is about you, about hitting the pause button in your own life, resting up, and charging into a new life with verve, excitement and passion.

-----------------------------------

THIS IS VERY good advice! And the baby needs to be thought about. The baby is helpless and needs care. What kind of care is she getting if Mom is worn out and stressed?

[Mustang Shar]

Hope you can find another job, its not going to get better. For the life of me, I cannot understand some managers treat their staff horribly. Been there and it's just not right.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

I would leave.

[SchnauzerMommyNYC]

Thank you all for the advice. Very insightful. I'm blessed to have support from family. My mother in law is retired and watches the baby for free during the day so I can work. My husband and I alternate the night shift so we both can bond and care for the baby. I'm under contract for another few months and then I'll be asked to renew my contract or let them know I'm leaving. I have a few months to make the move and plan appropriately. I feel hope after reading your messages and what others have been through. I will definitely keep you posted. Thank you!