Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,916
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

If that worked for your family, that's all that matters.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 43,240
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

@violann,That's what taught and did.  Works beautifully and should support the OP until the therapist's appointment.

 

Also, BOTH parents have to be consistant, above all to have success.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,955
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior


@Mominohio wrote:

I will add that I disagree with posters who say the negative behavior should simply be ignored. 

 

When that is done, they simply continue and it effects those around them (teachers, other children, people in public places that shouldn't be expected to tolerate such outbursts, etc.). 

 

I'm tired of being exposed to children (and adults for that matter) who think throwing a tantrum long enough and hard enough will get them the result they want, because the parent eventually gives in or doesn't administer consequences for that behavior. 

 

Most often, ignoring is the same as accepting the behavior.


I want to clarify that to me “ignoring a negative behavior” does NOT mean giving into it.

Ignoring the behavior and distracting an infant/toddler so that you can quickly support a positive behavior works fine, but is wasted on children a little older who have the ability to respond to some logical consequences. 

There was an incident in my Church last week where a child of about 2 had a shrieking fit, disrupting the service and clearly disturbing the people around the hild’s family.

After about 2 minutes of screaming, the very pregnant mother removed the child, still screaming, while the father sat there in the front pew, seemingly oblivious.

1. Parents of child of this age should always place themselves near an easy escape route, not necessarily in the middle of a long pew in the very front of the Church.

2. Parents should have a PLAN BEFORE the child becomes disruptive, so that there is as little disruption as possible.

If a parent “eventually gives in” they have TAUGHT the child that all you have to do is scream longer and louder and you’ll get what you want.

”...........doesn’t administer consequences........” depends on what consequences a parent intends to administer. A “bright” child will sometimes escalate to see how far he or she has to go before the parent hits him or takes away some treat. Then the child gets to cry/disrupt more.

SO- create realistic expectations for age level. If expectations CAN’T be met, don’t expose child to situation or modify situation to allow child to respond reasonably,  increase expectations for positive behavior gradually as child matures, reinforce expected behavior whenever possible, if necessary remove child from unmanageable situation before he and adults in his surroundings are impacted negatively.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,368
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

I don't understand why this thread is still going.  When a young child misbehaves, it's usually a parenting issue.  Until the parent/s parent, nothing will change.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,158
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior


@CalminHeart wrote:

I don't understand why this thread is still going.  When a young child misbehaves, it's usually a parenting issue.  Until the parent/s parent, nothing will change.


Yes, 10/15/17 it was started. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,403
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior


@coconut1818 wrote:

Ok, I will try to do the Reader's Digest version.  When I was the High School secretary in our town I became close to one of my office aides.  She now has two children 5 years old and five months.  The five year old has been having temper tantrums and no matter what Mom does, she can't get her under control.  No matter what she takes from her as a punishment, the child doesn't care.  Won't stay in time out.  The single Mom is struggling but got her an appointment with a county counselor but not until December.  She is an extremely bright little girl that is very strong willed and opinionated.  She has always had issues with discipline but it is becoming worse.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  Thirty five years ago we were having trouble with my teenage step-daugther and the therapist suggested a book that was great.  There were books written for different age groups but I can't remember the author's name.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated!      


@coconut1818

Bless you for caring!  However, you don't have all the facts about what is going on in this child's life.  Only the mother knows, and she might not realize the consequences of her actions or lack of actions.  One of the things that might be contributing is the arrival of a new baby, and a five year old who may be trying to get more attention for herself.

 

Maybe you could offer to take the baby so that the mother can spend special time alone with the five year old.  They could do special things together that the baby is not part of!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,414
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

Well, I have to agree with the above poster.  Sounds like the little girl runs that family.  I have two great nephews who supposedly have ADHD and on Christmas Eve just ruined the evening for everyone there with their tantrums and pouting.  My other two great nephews at 4 and1 years old behaved better.  I don't understand all these problems with children these days.  When I was growing up we played outside during our summer vacation and on weekends, of course we did not have cell phones and computers so we made our own fun.  When I saw a 3 year old child with a cell phone in a restaurant a few weeks ago I gave up.  Parents need to be parents.  Just my opinion.  Everyone can raise their kids the way they want, but in my own family I see how being your child's friend has completely not worked.  The kids are unruly, have no respect, talk back, and no one wants to be around that.   Sad state of affairs.

Super Contributor
Posts: 402
Registered: ‎07-18-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

Send the kid to Sunday School! Check with some local colleges as they have free counselors with students working on their Masters or ready to graduate...They need people to practice on. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,140
Registered: ‎06-20-2015

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

I am currently reading the book Being There by Erica Komisar and believe she covers temper tantrums caused by sending kids to preschool before the age of 3.  You say this mother is a single parent with two children under the age of 5 and one 5 months.  She probably has them in daycare.  The mother needs to spend more time with her temper tantrum child and give her more of her attention.  That is the basis of this book.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 103
Registered: ‎06-27-2013

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

My now 16 year old daughter was and is a strong willed young lady.  Turns out many of her issues were due to mental health issues that were not diagnoised properly.  We were told she had ADHD which was not true.  Seek professional help rather than guess that it is just bad behavior.  Stop parent blaming as there are sometimes issues that are not caused by bad parenting.  The key is to learn how to parent the child properly.  I would suggest getting your hands on the book "The Explosive Child" and  "Raising Human Beings".  I was not completly in favor of the Collaborative Problem Solving technique in his book, but the method does work if followed properly.  The basis of CPS is to use three categories.  By the way, this is a method that is beneficial when raising all children and a skill that can and should be used by all of us.