Reply
Highlighted
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,388
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

This child could be acting out for many reasons.  There might be a medical reason, so a good physical is in order.  Talking to a child psychologist is another option.

 

She also might be so smart that she is not being challenged.  Unfortunately, the mother might not know, not have time, or be able to afford challenging learning options.

 

What I am going to say next will probably be unpopular, but I believe that since there is a five-month old baby in the house that maybe there are other things going on.  Who also lives in that home?  What are the interactions with this young child?  Is there abuse that maybe the mother does not know?  

 

I am in favor of rewarding good behavior and no physical punishment.  However, depending on what is really going on, rewarding good behavior might not be what this child needs.  She does need some type of additonal attention, but finding out what this need is could be difficult.

 

The mother might be so involved in herself and the baby that there is no time for her five year old.  In other words, there probably is a lot more going on of which the OP is not aware.  No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

 

Maybe the OP could start spending time with the child.  That would make her feel special and she would get to do something that others might not.   With the holiday season approaching, taking her to a children's theatre for a holiday play or out to a special lunch.  Make it once a month or so.   Give her something special to look forward to that is just for her.  Conversation will start and maybe then the real reason for the behavior will show.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Highlighted
Super Contributor
Posts: 284
Registered: ‎08-05-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

Many have said this already- this is attention seeking behavior.  The child gets a pay off for behaving this way.  Mom and surrounding adults get all flustered and gather around the child.  The child is the topic of conversation, etc.  There is an agenda here and its being rewarded by the attention of the adults.

 

Start ignoring these outbursts.  If you're in a store, walk away to another aisle as one person suggested.  With family and friends, ask them to very studiously ignore the child - continue reading, watching TV, etc.  If she does it in public, I would walk away and observe from a distance and out of sight if possible. 

Highlighted
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,792
Registered: ‎01-22-2013

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

@Beauty Maven.    I am 73.  A whole different time.  I don't ever remember my parents spanking any of us but I do remember that "look" from my mother.   Mother said when we were toddlers the time out chair worked for me.  My younger sister could entertain herself easily so time out did not work for her.  My youngest was just like my sister.  If you took his bike, etc, away for a week he would look us in the eye and say that was okay because he did not plan on riding it anyway.  That response called for a further discussion.   He is now a great father and grandfather.

Highlighted
Super Contributor
Posts: 465
Registered: ‎11-21-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

I would like to thank each and everyone one of you for your input!  I have told her about this forum and asked her to get on here and read all your wonderful advice!  She is a very special young woman and and I appreciate you taking the time to try and help.  This has been a pretty rough six months or so and she is presently having to live with her parents.  Hopefully next month she will be able to get her own place and life can calm down.  The counselor that saw her said she has anxiety issues but the next available appointment was December!  It is so hard when you are young and financially struggling.  If I could help by paying for private help I would but I am retired and on a very strict budget myself. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart!   

Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,572
Registered: ‎07-29-2012

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior


@Whatnow wrote:

I never punished my son instead used discipline to teach.There was no yelling or grudges or loss of affection.We had unconditional love and he knew it.I wanted him to grow up choosing to do the correct behavior and not just because he feared me finding out.We discussed everything and sometimes as he got older there were things I was surprised he would talk to me about.I love that son of mine and the close adult relationship we have to this day.He was an extremely difficult child whose grandparents always thought needed a good spanking but I don't believe in that method.


 

@Whatnow  This is such good advice.  I, too, never yelled or spanked.  Discipline was for teaching right from wrong, not punishing.  My three all turned out well and we are close today.  

Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,664
Registered: ‎01-02-2015

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

i would start out with sugar and sugary driinks .. or some other

additive in food ... my next thought would be that i hope she is

not cryng out for help in an abuse situation ... where does the child

spent time other than with the mother ...??

 

i often think of the people that need help and just can't afford it.

it must be heart breaking ....

Highlighted
Occasional Contributor
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎02-14-2017

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

Violann, 

Thank you for your post. I am currently battling the same issue with my son who will be five in two weeks. It has become exhausting for my husband and I becasue it seems we are constantly having to correct him. He is extremely stubborn and strong willed but also very bright. He attends daycare and preschool and almost never needs behavioral correction from his caregivers or teachers. I also share your view on spanking. Not to say I haven't done it from time to time but it doesn't seem to make a difference in his behavior and I worry that I'm teaching him that it is ok to hit which is one of our challenges during a tantrum. I have learned that his tantrums generally occur when he is exhausted, unfortunatley he never has been a good sleeper. I appreciate your suggestion of praisng good behavior, that is something we are doing and he seems to respond well to it. The threat of removing privledges doesn't seem to help much but I do need to work on following through every time I use this technique. I hope that I have a successful outcome as you did. He can be a big sweetheart and is very caring towards others when he isn't throwing a tantrum and testing his boundaries. 

Highlighted
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,141
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

@Murphymom- BIG HUGS. Sounds like you’re definitely on the right track!

Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,750
Registered: ‎09-12-2013

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

Here’s my biggest tip: Say what you mean, and mean what you say!!

 

  I think a lot of these type of situations, it is learned behavior. If they’ve gotten away with acting out then they learn that if they don’t get what they want, then just throw a fit and the parents cave in. 

My son will be 24 this month. I was a single mom for a lot of years. Here was my rule to him when we were at a restaurant, store, etc. 1: Don’t act like a yard ape! Yep, that’s what I meant too! 2: Don’t do anything behavior wise to embarrass me. He was taught how to act and that’s what I expected from him! 3: Don’t think for one minute that just because there are people around or we are out in public, that there will not be discipline and consequences for bad behavior. 

Was he perfect? No, but they learn from their mistakes. I never had to spank him. Parents tend to not follow through on their “threats.” Kids can’t raise themselves. 

My son is in the National Guard and is a Junior at WVU. He’s a good young man and I’m so very proud of him. It is a lot of work! I only raised 1 child. My parents raised 9! 😳😊

Highlighted
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,244
Registered: ‎03-28-2015

Re: HELP!!! 5 year old and bad behavior

My Granddaughter is 5 and most of the time she is polite and obedient .

 

She'll try to push the limits at times and her parents don't yell or scream....they tell her what the consequence will be if she continues with the bad behavior. Most of the time she will listen, but when she doesn't, they deliver the punishment no ifs ands or buts!

 

Right now, one of her friends sasses her Parents and they are trying to "****** that in the bud"......