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Contributor
Posts: 40
Registered: ‎12-10-2010

Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

My husband makes enough for me to stay home, I will be quitting my job for 1 year when my maternity leave is over. Its the best decision I have ever made! I'm blessed to have 6 week baby after years of struggling to conceive. I'm the most happy to finally in my life to slow down (no more fast corporate life) since I was 24, I'm in my mid 30s. However the slow down is making me sad when it comes to people. My relationships truly changed: family who I thought would help out is not around even though we live in the same town, friends with children that I thought would be the most understanding dont relate to me as I thought. Ironically the only people who are still in contact with us are single people, funny how that works out. How do i build relationships which are genuine? friends are hard to find as it is, and my time is soo limited with nursing the baby 11 times a day, including pumping. I'm not depressed - thank god! I'm probably the most happiest ever in my 30s. but wonder why people have dissapointed me soo much! Especially since I kept up with everyone else's milestones, and they dont really have the decency to be involved in mine since Im passing through the same milestones they have. I feel a little abandoned and adjusting to being home all the time has also added a layer of loneliness. I tried going to the park, gym, mommy groups, coffee shops, etc, but with 11 nursings a day its hard to meet up and leave the house. What advice do you have for me to go from seeing people every single day to no family/friends to talk to and not feeling this abandonment. I know most people work, but I worked too and still made time for my friends and family, and people are just not initiating relationships with me, even though I call and leave a messages/texts all i get is 'oh but we were so busy this week' and dont always call me back to check up on me to see if i'm doing ok. Relationships seem one sided which i'm doing all the work. Will the feeling of friends/family abandonment subside?
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,248
Registered: ‎10-21-2010

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

Enjoy being a mom and having the means to stay home. I don't really have any advice as to why your friends are abandoning you.
Super Contributor
Posts: 2,103
Registered: ‎05-25-2014

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

OP - I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I am not a mother, so I don't feel as though I can give you any useful advice.

May I make a suggestion, though, about how you might possibly elicit more responses here? The title of your thread is a bit misleading. It really doesn't correspond to the type of help/advice you are seeking.

Maybe re-post using a different title that more accurately reflects your quandary?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,237
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

First of all, congratulations! Plenty of time to work when the baby is in pre-school, kindergarten, or whatever is available now-a-days. Anyway, I'm fairly sure that there are moms who are feeding the same all day long as you, and they are in a daily group/meet-up or two. Always remember that you are very lucky in life that you aren't struggling, having to work in order to pay for rent, food, etc., along with caring for your baby. Very, very lucky. I'm wishing you the very best, and hopefully you will find other moms who are also looking for another new-mom friend. When you feel up to it, perhaps go to a child friendly nearby park. Or one of those new-mom exercise groups. Oh, just thought of something.....maybe your pediatrician knows of local new-mom groups........in fact, many HMO's or medical groups/facilities offer classes/groups that you can attend w/o charge.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,217
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! Please don't feel that your friends have abandoned you. You are going through an adjustment period of working full time to being a mom and being home with a baby all day can make you feel "not in the loop" anymore. Are there any "mommy and me" groups in your area? It takes time to adjust to your new life as it is a totally different life than the one you had before. Being able to stay home and not "have to work" is a great blessing. I enjoyed staying home with my children. I only worked part time once they came. I'm 60 now and they're 28 & 24 and believe me the time does fly once you have children. One day I'm a new mom at 31 and next month, I'll be 60, yikes! Good Luck! I know you'll be fine!

Super Contributor
Posts: 674
Registered: ‎02-03-2013

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

Congratulations Rstar! I'm not a Mom...but I have a gorgeous, toddler niece with whom I'm very hands-on. I also have alot of friends who transitioned into motherhood...so I think I may be able to give you some advice here. One, this phase of isolation will pass...within the next year, you will be easily able to join Mommy&Me groups, bring the baby to the park, have lunch dates etc...in the meantime, enjoy this precious time with your baby...they really do grow quickly and each phase is amazing!Smiley Happy)) Secondly, don't expect too much from family and friends...some are luckier than others with this (my brother and SIL have an incredible support group in us) but not everyone is blessed. Thirdly, perhaps you can invite friends and family over for a lunch date or tea and coffee at your home...making and solidifying plans usually guarantees some social interaction. If you need help with the baby, ask for it ( my SIL is never shy about this lol..and it works). I think after awhile, you will adjust to this new, social aspect of your life...but, yes, it might take work in the meanwhile!Smiley Happy))) Good luck with your beautiful baby!!
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 3,697
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

I would suggest you join a nursing mothers group. While it's natural to want to spend time with your baby, you need to continue other interests. Try letting hubby watch baby one night a week so you can do something with friends.

It's always a victory for me when I remember why I entered a room.
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,781
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

Rstar, I am going to agree with all the previous posts. You have had two major life changes, you went from working with a lot of people around to being a Mom at home. This socially is a big change. Now, added to that you have the baby that really changes your life in a good way.

It takes time to adjust to these changes. I know it's not exactly the same thing but when I retired from my corporate job it took me an entire year to become readjusted, I missed all the daily interaction with the people I worked with. It just takes time. People just live their lives and don't give any thought to what's going on in the lives of others. I don't think your family/friends are actually avoiding you, they just don't think about it.

Hang in there, you will be fine. If at some point you go back to work, you'll find it difficult to leave your little one.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,474
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

Rstar, Congratulations!! While there are many difficult moments now for you there are also many incredible times as well! Enjoy being with your baby and seeing her grow!

Like Hayfield I'm also 60 and my two kids are now 28 and 26....my how time flies!! ...such a cliche but it really does (make sure you take LOTS of photos & videos!).

As for the feeling of your friends not being there for you I can sort of remember how that felt when mine were babies too. It's a big life adjustment and for those moms who do return to work their lives are so filled between being a new mom, work and home that it's a wonder they have any time for anyone one else like friends. I was fortunate like you and was able to stay at home but I often wondered how those who worked full time did it! Just being there for my babies was hard enough. How did those who worked full time get that energy to do it all? Maybe your friends are truly exhausted and busy?

As others suggested seek out some new mom groups. You might not find women who you will become close friends with...just because you're all new moms does not mean that you have a lot in common otherwise but for now your focus is on your baby and you can learn a lot and pick up great tips from other moms. Try to find some group that meets regularly. I found that I looked forward to getting together with a group on a regular basis and the group grew together. As the babies got older we would take various field trips, etc.

Breastfeeding is wonderful but for me I found it difficult to do so often so at a young age I decided to do a mix of breast & bottle which gave me a bit more freedom. Both of my kids turned out just fine (both are college graduates with good jobs and very little childhood illness). You will have to see what works best for you. However you mention that it's hard to get out because of all of the feedings try getting in contact with some breast feeding groups to see how they cope.

If you can you should try to get out once a week or twice a month without baby. Meet with old friends or do something just for you...you need a small break and have other interests. As I mentioned earlier I'm now 60 and back in the 80s there was no internet. I'm sure there are tons of online groups where you can meet other virtual "friends" who are in the same boat!

Contributor
Posts: 40
Registered: ‎12-10-2010

Re: Corporate job to a new mom? Need advice on how to balance.

Aww...thanks everyone for each advice you have given me. I'm blessed and thankful for what I do have and will take your advice sincerely. I also plan to take it day by day to integrate back into society again with a newer identity. From your advice, sounds like it does get better. Once again, thank you!