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09-16-2014 06:46 PM
09-16-2014 10:58 PM
09-16-2014 11:04 PM
OP - I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I am not a mother, so I don't feel as though I can give you any useful advice.
May I make a suggestion, though, about how you might possibly elicit more responses here? The title of your thread is a bit misleading. It really doesn't correspond to the type of help/advice you are seeking.
Maybe re-post using a different title that more accurately reflects your quandary?
09-16-2014 11:11 PM
First of all, congratulations! Plenty of time to work when the baby is in pre-school, kindergarten, or whatever is available now-a-days. Anyway, I'm fairly sure that there are moms who are feeding the same all day long as you, and they are in a daily group/meet-up or two. Always remember that you are very lucky in life that you aren't struggling, having to work in order to pay for rent, food, etc., along with caring for your baby. Very, very lucky. I'm wishing you the very best, and hopefully you will find other moms who are also looking for another new-mom friend. When you feel up to it, perhaps go to a child friendly nearby park. Or one of those new-mom exercise groups. Oh, just thought of something.....maybe your pediatrician knows of local new-mom groups........in fact, many HMO's or medical groups/facilities offer classes/groups that you can attend w/o charge.
09-17-2014 09:21 AM
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! Please don't feel that your friends have abandoned you. You are going through an adjustment period of working full time to being a mom and being home with a baby all day can make you feel "not in the loop" anymore. Are there any "mommy and me" groups in your area? It takes time to adjust to your new life as it is a totally different life than the one you had before. Being able to stay home and not "have to work" is a great blessing. I enjoyed staying home with my children. I only worked part time once they came. I'm 60 now and they're 28 & 24 and believe me the time does fly once you have children. One day I'm a new mom at 31 and next month, I'll be 60, yikes! Good Luck! I know you'll be fine!
09-17-2014 09:45 AM
09-17-2014 09:55 AM
I would suggest you join a nursing mothers group. While it's natural to want to spend time with your baby, you need to continue other interests. Try letting hubby watch baby one night a week so you can do something with friends.
09-17-2014 10:01 AM
Rstar, I am going to agree with all the previous posts. You have had two major life changes, you went from working with a lot of people around to being a Mom at home. This socially is a big change. Now, added to that you have the baby that really changes your life in a good way.
It takes time to adjust to these changes. I know it's not exactly the same thing but when I retired from my corporate job it took me an entire year to become readjusted, I missed all the daily interaction with the people I worked with. It just takes time. People just live their lives and don't give any thought to what's going on in the lives of others. I don't think your family/friends are actually avoiding you, they just don't think about it.
Hang in there, you will be fine. If at some point you go back to work, you'll find it difficult to leave your little one.
09-17-2014 10:48 AM
Rstar, Congratulations!! While there are many difficult moments now for you there are also many incredible times as well! Enjoy being with your baby and seeing her grow!
Like Hayfield I'm also 60 and my two kids are now 28 and 26....my how time flies!! ...such a cliche but it really does (make sure you take LOTS of photos & videos!).
As for the feeling of your friends not being there for you I can sort of remember how that felt when mine were babies too. It's a big life adjustment and for those moms who do return to work their lives are so filled between being a new mom, work and home that it's a wonder they have any time for anyone one else like friends. I was fortunate like you and was able to stay at home but I often wondered how those who worked full time did it! Just being there for my babies was hard enough. How did those who worked full time get that energy to do it all? Maybe your friends are truly exhausted and busy?
As others suggested seek out some new mom groups. You might not find women who you will become close friends with...just because you're all new moms does not mean that you have a lot in common otherwise but for now your focus is on your baby and you can learn a lot and pick up great tips from other moms. Try to find some group that meets regularly. I found that I looked forward to getting together with a group on a regular basis and the group grew together. As the babies got older we would take various field trips, etc.
Breastfeeding is wonderful but for me I found it difficult to do so often so at a young age I decided to do a mix of breast & bottle which gave me a bit more freedom. Both of my kids turned out just fine (both are college graduates with good jobs and very little childhood illness). You will have to see what works best for you. However you mention that it's hard to get out because of all of the feedings try getting in contact with some breast feeding groups to see how they cope.
If you can you should try to get out once a week or twice a month without baby. Meet with old friends or do something just for you...you need a small break and have other interests. As I mentioned earlier I'm now 60 and back in the 80s there was no internet. I'm sure there are tons of online groups where you can meet other virtual "friends" who are in the same boat!
09-18-2014 12:48 AM
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