Mom to Mom

[TRUE]

I totally agree with everyone here,......Kids and I mean "kids" not Men feel entitled. Why should you knock yourself out? Don't do it and let them grow up I bet they have beer money.....

[Kachina624]

You think you have a problem now? Just wait until he graduates and remembers how much he enjoyed doing nothing and decides to continue. The less a person does, the less he wants to do. You need to nip this in the bud!

[Campion]

Sorry to contradict you because you are suffering and really trying to fix this but.... I really want you to have a great result. Really do. I see the financial disaster caused by immature forty year olds to their parents every day so your post really moved me to tears.

" also know my son, and do feel(hope?) based on past experiences with him, that I can reason with him. Maybe I do try too hard to get him to do things.."

That's it in a nutshell. You've said it all right there in that sentence "Hope"--it's a dirty, four-letter word--and it sure isn't a plan! and "Maybe I try too hard to get him to do things." A lot of us are advocating you do something that is frankly

...

UNCOMFORTABLE ....

for you. That you leave it up to him. Give him the choice and step back and let him fall or fly out of the nest. That IS the critical step to maturity and if he's pushed and then supported, he'll fail to fly. You have to do what you don't want to do right now, but if you DO that with courage, your boy will become a man.

[morning glory]

Do not give money to them. If he is gaming all day where is he getting money for games?

Pay tuition and dorm fees and tell them they are on their own to work for whatever else they need. Once the wallet is empty they will be working for those games and things they want. Be sure you don't give them a credit card to use.

[Skyegirl21]

Time to give them a dose of reality and remove the financial support, forcing them to realize adults must work to support themselves-

Slacker behavior should not be tolerated. Tough love, baby!

[keithsmom65]

I'm sure you don't want my advice because I'd have to go back and start with your opening statement that says "College kids WON'T work". I could fix that in about 30 seconds.

That goes back to how they are parented. Its your responsibility. Fix it !!! Start by showing them where the front door is after they give you their keys to YOUR house ! Then lock the door, turn out the lights, and go about your business. Finis.

[goodstuff]

On 12/4/2014 KimmC said: Good stuff...read more carefully...he did decide to live in the townhouse...did not tell me until it was a done deal. I was furious. It was too late to change by the time I found out. Believe me...i did not allow him to do it but he did it without me knowing. in case you haven't had kids in college recently, privacy laws do not allow parents access or rights. In fact, any over payment checks at the end of the semester are given TO THE STUDENT. And yes, that became an issue too. I did manage to get the 2 checks from him last semester but it was another struggle.

Your son can sign for you to have access to his information, and/or he can show you his grades and other information himself. I'd make his sharing information about his grades, living situation, and what he does with your money a prerequisite for receiving further support from you. Dependents shouldn't be allowed to act as if they're independent. Your son will be entitled to privacy and autonomy when he is paying his own way.

[Lovethesea]

KimmC, have you decided just how you are going to handle this situation with your son??

[yasushi]

You say ""no"" to him and your checkbook says ""yes"". Until you can align what you say with what you do your problems with him will not only continue but get progressively worse.

[IControlMyHappiness]

I did not read all the posts but I'll say as yasushi said above... your words mean nothing, so you are ignored. My mother did me such a favor when she made me get a summer job each year because the "habit" of not working is hard for adults to break. I wish you much luck because I have seen men/women 40 years old and their parents are still paying their bills.