wrote:
I've been trying to take emotions out of family holidays ever since we became empty nesters. It's so easy to feel slighted. Agree young people have such busy schedules and they get distracted so easily. Married daughter and her family travel to Dallas each Christmas. In-laws insist to the point of getting angry if they don't come. Intimidates son-in-law. Daughter called yesterday saying she dreads going every year. In-laws won't travel because they don't like being away from home at Christmas. Two of my single children have been in exclusive relationships since spring and both Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays have changed slightly to accommodate these [terrific] new people in their lives. The young lady is very close to her parents and the young man doesn't have a lot of family and loves to vacation through holidays. So, we remain flexible, being happy with alternate dates, if that works. There's an art to NOT caring. And I don't say that in a bitter way. It's just easier not to have a lot of expectations.
I somehow just found this thread, and wanted to chime in now that the holiday hoopla has settled for everyone.
This was the first year my son hasn't lived at home, and the first year that he had a serious girl friend with holiday obligations.
I always said I would be flexible when this time came, and I asked what they needed/wanted to do. Luckily they were available to come to our house Christmas morning until about 3 pm, as her family gathers Christmas night. Christmas Day is really the most important to me, although without him here on Christmas Eve, it was a little sad.
It was our first time having someone outside the family share our Christmas holiday and gift giving, and it went well. But @jeanlake I do understand and agree about learning to at least care a little less. Having fewer expectations might be a self defense mechanism, but something that helps keep things in perspective when your holidays are changing, and when as a mom, we aren't getting everything we want and have built in holiday traditions.
Things change, and especially at first, it is a little hard to accept or embrace. I'm sure it gets easier as the years pass. I'm ok with celebrating a different time or day than we have my whole life though, rather than not have him around at all.
I remember having too many places to be for a holiday when first married, and I didn't like it because I thought we couldn't really enjoy any one event, getting off to the next in too short a time. So adapt and improvise is the mantra of the day!
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