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Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,664
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Peaches McPhee wrote:

My opinion has always been, it does not matter what actual day you celebrate a holiday.  You can do Thanksgiving on Saturday  or Christmas the following day, or even your birthday a week later than the actual day. 

 

Takes alot of stress off people who have two or even three families to celebrate with.  The important thing is the people and the celebration, not the calendar.  Be thankful for that.


We do Christmas with my husband's family the 1st Saturday in December every year, because of that.It is easier-most can make it then, and every year everyone knows exactly when we will get together. My family has always been Christmas Eve, and luckily for my 2 daughters their in laws do Christmas Day. Otherwise we would have had to work some things out, which is ok..It shouldn't really matter the date, just the fact that you are getting together and enjoying each other's company and good food for a while.....

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,231
Registered: ‎04-10-2012

@Winkk wrote:

I know the feeling.  I have been doing Christmas Eve dinner for 30 years, it's a tradition.  But if they have to go to one of the in-laws then off they go.  Irritates the heck out of me.


I can relate..i am in the same boat............

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,177
Registered: ‎06-28-2011

@emmysmom, I definitely understand how you are feeling.  I don't have any answers as I think that every family is different.  You did need to vent, and this is a good place to do it......most of the time!!!!  It sounds as if you are feeling insignificant and not appreciated as a mom.  You've been through a lot in the last 10 years.  Maybe one idea would be to start a discussion weeks before  Christmas (obviously not happening this year) and explain to your sons that you would like to set some QUALITY time for the family (and guests) for Christmas.  Ask for their ideas, and explain what is important to you.  Maybe you can work something out.

 

I want to wish you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,628
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

@susan kay wrote:

@emmysmom, I definitely understand how you are feeling.  I don't have any answers as I think that every family is different.  You did need to vent, and this is a good place to do it......most of the time!!!!  It sounds as if you are feeling insignificant and not appreciated as a mom.  You've been through a lot in the last 10 years.  Maybe one idea would be to start a discussion weeks before  Christmas (obviously not happening this year) and explain to your sons that you would like to set some QUALITY time for the family (and guests) for Christmas.  Ask for their ideas, and explain what is important to you.  Maybe you can work something out.

 

I want to wish you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.


What a sweetie!!! A great idea..Merry Christmas to you as well!!!!!

xxx

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.
-- Mae West
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,089
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

@stevieb wrote:

A 24 year old man being led around with a ring through his nose by a 16 year old girl? There's just something terribly unsettling about that scenario on several levels... I hope the holidays work out for you @emmysmom. Merry Christmas to you.


Is that  even legal?  In some states it is not.  If and they were intimate, he could be charged with a crime and become a registered sex offender.

 

She was only 15 when they started dating?  In my state of PA, he would be committing  a crime against a child if he has been intimate with her.

 

Oh, this might not be a good thing.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,162
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I've been trying to take emotions out of family holidays ever since we became empty nesters. It's so easy to feel slighted. Agree young people have such busy schedules and they get distracted so easily. Married daughter and her family travel to Dallas each Christmas. In-laws insist to the point of getting angry if they don't come. Intimidates son-in-law. Daughter called yesterday saying she dreads going every year. In-laws won't travel because they don't like being away from home at Christmas. Two of my single children have been in exclusive relationships since spring and both Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays have changed slightly to accommodate these [terrific] new people in their lives. The young lady is very close to her parents and the young man doesn't have a lot of family and loves to vacation through holidays. So, we remain flexible, being happy with alternate dates, if that works. There's an art to NOT caring. And I don't say that in a bitter way. It's just easier not to have a lot of expectations.   

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,628
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

@Carmie wrote:

@stevieb wrote:

A 24 year old man being led around with a ring through his nose by a 16 year old girl? There's just something terribly unsettling about that scenario on several levels... I hope the holidays work out for you @emmysmom. Merry Christmas to you.


Is that  even legal?  In some states it is not.  If and they were intimate, he could be charged with a crime and become a registered sex offender.

 

She was only 15 when they started dating?  In my state of PA, he would be committing  a crime against a child if he has been intimate with her.

 

Oh, this might not be a good thing.


Yes..I had no idea she was so young!!!!!..16 is ok in our state..If I'd known how young she was I would have had a heart attack..still think she's too young for my son..he just turned 25..thats a stretch!! I just want my son's to be happy..she is very bright and wants to become a doctor. I wish she wasn't so controlling!

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.
-- Mae West
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,628
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

@jeanlake wrote:

I've been trying to take emotions out of family holidays ever since we became empty nesters. It's so easy to feel slighted. Agree young people have such busy schedules and they get distracted so easily. Married daughter and her family travel to Dallas each Christmas. In-laws insist to the point of getting angry if they don't come. Intimidates son-in-law. Daughter called yesterday saying she dreads going every year. In-laws won't travel because they don't like being away from home at Christmas. Two of my single children have been in exclusive relationships since spring and both Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays have changed slightly to accommodate these [terrific] new people in their lives. The young lady is very close to her parents and the young man doesn't have a lot of family and loves to vacation through holidays. So, we remain flexible, being happy with alternate dates, if that works. There's an art to NOT caring. And I don't say that in a bitter way. It's just easier not to have a lot of expectations.   


Thanks so much..wow! I really like what you said at the end..it IS better NOT to have alot of expectations! I'll do that..its not worth the pain..xxx

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.
-- Mae West
Valued Contributor
Posts: 878
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Sorry, but I think we make way too much out of one day.  I have one child and I am very open minded about the fact dil has her family.  I tell them my plans and if they can make it that is fine, if not they are welcome when they can come. DIL always invites us to her families functions although we usually decline unless they are at her house as it is too far for us.  It has made for a great relationship for us.  We all enjoy getting together when we do, sometime more often than I would choose!  Love them all.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,734
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

I am 62 years old, and for the first time in 43 years, I can sleep in on Christmas knowing I don’t have to leave my house that day.   Just the thought of it makes me smile.   

 

Starting with my first Christmas as a married woman, 43 years ago, we fell into the pattern of spending Christmas morning with my family, and Christmas evening with my husbands family.   

 

It took the death of my MIL to end the forced gatherings with my husbands family, and my mother’s high anxiety to end the traditional morning gathering for my family.   

 

If if I had it to do over again, Christmas Day would’ve been our day at home, and we would’ve tried to see family before, or after, the 25th.