Mom to Mom

[emmysmom]

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@RedTop wrote:

I am 62 years old, and for the first time in 43 years, I can sleep in on Christmas knowing I don’t have to leave my house that day.   Just the thought of it makes me smile.   

Starting with my first Christmas as a married woman, 43 years ago, we fell into the pattern of spending Christmas morning with my family, and Christmas evening with my husbands family.   

It took the death of my MIL to end the forced gatherings with my husbands family, and my mother’s high anxiety to end the traditional morning gathering for my family.   

If if I had it to do over again, Christmas Day would’ve been our day at home, and we would’ve tried to see family before, or after, the 25th.   

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So thankful for all the replies! I saw my oldest last night..and another today/w his gf..SHE wanted to give me a gift TODAY..lol..and I will see them again tomorrow, Christmas Eve!!!!!!..so glad I took your suggestions..! Whatever day, doesn't matter..the fact they want to come and enjoy on their terms is fine..no stress or drama!

[alicedee]

Many wise posters here.  A key to a happy and peaceful holiday season is to look at it AS a season, and be flexible.   Nothing stays the same.....if you roll with the flow, your chances of having fun family time together will be increased.  I never pressure my kids and grands....they live far from me and as long as we can get together sometime between Thanksgiving and the New Year...I am happy and feel blessed!

[missy1]

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@emmysmom wrote:

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@Carmie wrote:

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@stevieb wrote:

A 24 year old man being led around with a ring through his nose by a 16 year old girl? There's just something terribly unsettling about that scenario on several levels... I hope the holidays work out for you @emmysmom. Merry Christmas to you.

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Is that  even legal?  In some states it is not.  If and they were intimate, he could be charged with a crime and become a registered sex offender.

She was only 15 when they started dating?  In my state of PA, he would be committing  a crime against a child if he has been intimate with her.

Oh, this might not be a good thing.

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Yes..I had no idea she was so young!!!!!..16 is ok in our state..If I'd known how young she was I would have had a heart attack..still think she's too young for my son..he just turned 25..thats a stretch!! I just want my son's to be happy..she is very bright and wants to become a doctor. I wish she wasn't so controlling!

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I can't believe her family condones this relationship. Your son dating a minor who is in high school. Something is very wrong with this picture.

[chrystaltree]

What drama????   If you want Christmas plans with you adult sons, you need to reach out to them long before Christmas (first week of Nov.) and talk to them about it.  Yes, as adults they have to coordinate their holiday plans with the women in their lives and also with each other.  That's why you start early.  Next year, why don't you host a pre-Christmas lunch for your boys and their girlfriends.  Aim for the Sunday before Christmas.  That will give your sons time to schedule around it and time for them to buy and wrap your gift.  Guys aren't good at this type of thing, the women have to do it for them.  They like it that way.

[chrystaltree]

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@mac116 wrote:

I understand how you feel.

My adult children are always busy, and tend to go with their wives and that side of the family. We pin down Christmas plans right after Thanksgiving. This year we will celebrate with kids and grandkids on the 23rd. My husband and I are on our own on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  We will just let it go and say nothing 

However, I remember the holidays as being very stressful when we were newly married.  We felt like we needed to be in two places at once, and it was never enough. It is not a Hallmark Christmas for everyone. 

You're right, we have to remember what things for like for us when we were young marrieds with young kids and two mothers to keep happy...lol  I have no doubt our mothers and mil's had the same issues.   I believe in communication and planning within families so I have accepted that if I want quality time with my girls and the grandbabies, I can't count on Christmas Day.  Some years Christmas Eve works for us, like yesterday.  We all had our Christmas together but there will be years when we have our Christmas with them, the Sunday that is closest to Christmas.  The girls know this, their husbands know this.  We all plan accordingly.  No suprises, no hurt feelings, no scheduling conflicts.   

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[chrystaltree]

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@emmysmom wrote:

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@Carmie wrote:

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@stevieb wrote:

A 24 year old man being led around with a ring through his nose by a 16 year old girl? There's just something terribly unsettling about that scenario on several levels... I hope the holidays work out for you @emmysmom. Merry Christmas to you.

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Is that  even legal?  In some states it is not.  If and they were intimate, he could be charged with a crime and become a registered sex offender.

She was only 15 when they started dating?  In my state of PA, he would be committing  a crime against a child if he has been intimate with her.

Oh, this might not be a good thing.

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Yes..I had no idea she was so young!!!!!..16 is ok in our state..If I'd known how young she was I would have had a heart attack..still think she's too young for my son..he just turned 25..thats a stretch!! I just want my son's to be happy..she is very bright and wants to become a doctor. I wish she wasn't so controlling!

She isn't controlling, she's a teenager.  She's a little girl and she's acting like all teenagers.  She wants what she wants and since he's getting "the good stuff" from a little girl, he isn't about to argue with her.  It might be legal but it isn't a good situation...for that girl.  

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[lulu1]

A 16 year old girl friend is controlling your adult son's family relationships?

[katiemichelle]

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@emmysmom wrote:

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@Carmie wrote:

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@stevieb wrote:

A 24 year old man being led around with a ring through his nose by a 16 year old girl? There's just something terribly unsettling about that scenario on several levels... I hope the holidays work out for you @emmysmom. Merry Christmas to you.

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Is that  even legal?  In some states it is not.  If and they were intimate, he could be charged with a crime and become a registered sex offender.

She was only 15 when they started dating?  In my state of PA, he would be committing  a crime against a child if he has been intimate with her.

Oh, this might not be a good thing.

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Yes..I had no idea she was so young!!!!!..16 is ok in our state..If I'd known how young she was I would have had a heart attack..still think she's too young for my son..he just turned 25..thats a stretch!! I just want my son's to be happy..she is very bright and wants to become a doctor. I wish she wasn't so controlling!

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I do not think this is okay in any state!  She is a child and he is an adult and they have been dating for a year?  This is wrong and I can't believe you are okay with it.  You better hope your son does not end up in jail!

[emmysmom]

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@katiemichelle wrote:

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@emmysmom wrote:

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@Carmie wrote:

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@stevieb wrote:

A 24 year old man being led around with a ring through his nose by a 16 year old girl? There's just something terribly unsettling about that scenario on several levels... I hope the holidays work out for you @emmysmom. Merry Christmas to you.

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Is that  even legal?  In some states it is not.  If and they were intimate, he could be charged with a crime and become a registered sex offender.

She was only 15 when they started dating?  In my state of PA, he would be committing  a crime against a child if he has been intimate with her.

Oh, this might not be a good thing.

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Yes..I had no idea she was so young!!!!!..16 is ok in our state..If I'd known how young she was I would have had a heart attack..still think she's too young for my son..he just turned 25..thats a stretch!! I just want my son's to be happy..she is very bright and wants to become a doctor. I wish she wasn't so controlling!

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I do not think this is okay in any state!  She is a child and he is an adult and they have been dating for a year?  This is wrong and I can't believe you are okay with it.  You better hope your son does not end up in jail!

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katiemich

@stevieb wrote:

A 24 year old man being led around with a ring through his nose by a 16 year old girl? There's just something terribly unsettling about that scenario on several levels... I hope the holidays work out for you @emmysmom. Merry Christmas to you.

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Is that  even legal?  In some states it is not.  If and they were intimate, he could be charged with a crime and become a registered sex offender.

She was only 15 when they started dating?  In my state of PA, he would be committing  a crime against a child if he has been intimate with her.

Oh, this might not be a good thing.

---

Yes..I had no idea she was so young!!!!!..16 is ok in our state..If I'd known how young she was I would have had a heart attack..still think she's too young for my son..he just turned 25..thats a stretch!! I just want my son's to be happy..she is very bright and wants to become a doctor. I wish she wasn't so controlling!

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I do not think this is okay in any state!  She is a child and he is an adult and they have been dating for a year?  This is wrong and I can't believe you are okay with it.  You better hope your son does not end up in jail!

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She will be 17 soon and he's a grown man..they both are working and don't have that much time together..her father seems to think its ok..her mother died several years ago. I was engaged when I was 17..girls seem to be more mature these days.

[emmysmom]

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@emmysmom wrote:

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@q-girl wrote:

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@Peaches McPhee wrote:

My opinion has always been, it does not matter what actual day you celebrate a holiday.  You can do Thanksgiving on Saturday  or Christmas the following day, or even your birthday a week later than the actual day. 

Takes alot of stress off people who have two or even three families to celebrate with.  The important thing is the people and the celebration, not the calendar.  Be thankful for that.

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@Peaches McPhee. . . .   I so totally agree. This is a lesson I learned when I worked in a hospital and you had to take your turn working each Holiday. We didn't always get to celebrate on the day the calendar said the day the holiday was on. We made the Holiday and the celebration on the day we could all be together. And for those family members who just couldn't let go of that calendar date? (and really imaginedmy family and I would make a two hour drive after working a 12 hour shift on my feet?) They just had to celebrate without me, b***hing about how awful I was the entire time. Ahh, the Holidays !!

Merry Christmas Hugs, my Friends!!

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Next year I'm doing Christmas in July!!! Why not???..if that doesn't work..oh well!! Lol!

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I don't think I'll have a problem next year..they decided they'll see me on Christmas..we had such a good time!..no stress or drama..best Christmas I can remember!!!..they finally realize they can make their own decisons..no more control issues..I know how that feels!