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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,628
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

Yesterday one of my son's was stopping over to bring gifts..he was running late..(as usual) and he texted saying so.. I asked my older son to let him know, he and his gf could go on about thier day..(there were workers here making a mess in the basement..I live in an apt and why they chose this week to repair I have no idea!!!..) But I wanted to leave and my son and I had a wonderful time..we had lunch and did some shopping..I had my dog w/us too..he even got a nail trim and got to meet some wonderful dogs..lol! The latest I've heard re: Christmas is they MIGHT come on the 23rd..it depends on their aunts plans..haven't heard from my other son. Well..I am PO! I would never have treated my parents this way..they celebrated on Christmas eve or Christmas day! It seems these girlfriends today, call all the shots. I don't want to go through this next year..too old for the drama!

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.
-- Mae West
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,818
Registered: ‎06-21-2015

Interestingly we had this drama that year. We had opened gifts and had breakfast and I was doing something and turned around and my son and wife and grandkids were gone! Gifts and all. No thank you gone. So a few days ago he was here and I flat out told him how rude that was and to tell her to let her parent know that they will be at our house until 1:00. Will see how it goes. If she wants her go to babysitter she better.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,651
Registered: ‎03-26-2010

I understand how you feel.

 

My adult children are always busy, and tend to go with their wives and that side of the family. We pin down Christmas plans right after Thanksgiving. This year we will celebrate with kids and grandkids on the 23rd. My husband and I are on our own on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  We will just let it go and say nothing 

 

However, I remember the holidays as being very stressful when we were newly married.  We felt like we needed to be in two places at once, and it was never enough. It is not a Hallmark Christmas for everyone. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,160
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Speak up

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,263
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

I know the feeling.  I have been doing Christmas Eve dinner for 30 years, it's a tradition.  But if they have to go to one of the in-laws then off they go.  Irritates the heck out of me.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,964
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

Whatever happened to making plans and sticking to them, it is so rude to whoever is hosting to change schedule mid- stream unless it's an emergency

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,249
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

We host everyone one on Christmas Eve starting at 4:00 P.M. I do a buffet. I let everyone know and I also let them know it is not a command performance. If they want to come we will be thrilled to have them but if they can't we understand. I don't worry about who will or will not show up and it is surprising but for thirty one years everyone has managed to get here and really enjoy being together. I think you just have to decide what you want and are willing to do. Then you put it out there and if someone doesn't show up then that is on them. We tried to work around everyone with their needing to be here and there along with all the yours, mine and ours and after a couple years of that I just didn't want to deal with it anymore so that is when I decided to just do what works for us and roll with who might come or might now. Sure made the holidays a lot easier and stress free for us!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 775
Registered: ‎02-28-2017

@Kitlynn  I so agree with Kitlynn's post. Somewhere along the line, some parents got to feeling "owed" for what they put into Christmases past. Instead of being all touchy and defensive, it's much better to state your plans and let it happen. Being rigid and demanding are signs of really getting old!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,226
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

The only reason the young family would have to take off without saying goodbye would seem to me to be a way to avoid an unpleasant confrontation -  and I don't think we know enough even to start to understand the dynamics.  We know just one part of what is at the very least, a 3-part story!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 65,680
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I agree with the premise that if you have to issue a command it isn't really worth it... That said, growing up, my parents had an open house on Christmas Eve for friends, neighbors and any family on either side who wanted to come... On Christmas Day, we went to my father's family first and then spent the bulk of the day with my mother's family, but no one was excluded and no one was expected to celebrate the holiday on a day that wasn't actually the holiday, which should only be necessary when respective families aren't in the same area. I'd also note that if wives or girlfriends are calling the shots, as they seem often to be on these forums, it's because a bunch of wimpy men are going along with it rather than seeking a compromise... There are ways to work it out so that nobody's family is made to feel they're of secondary importance. Of course, you have to want to bother in order to make that happen...


In my pantry with my cupcakes...