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Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

My sister moved in with our mother after her divorce.  Her preteen and teen came for visitation couple days a week.  The kids don't do chores and expected to be waited on.  My mother was miserable and didn't want to say anthing, but complained to me non stop.  After three years, they moved out.  My mother is still trying to put the house back together.  

 

You have to get a handle on it now.  You need to decide if you could continue to live with them if they shaped up or did they burn that bridge?  If you don't mind them living there if they shaped up, tell your niece.  I can't live with x, y, z.  It needs to stop today.  I would also have her pay rent and for the damage.  If she says no, tell her it's not going to work and she needs to move along.  If the bridge is burned, tell her it isn't working and she needs to move along.

 

They will continue to walk all over you if you say nothing.  I watched my sister and her kids do it to my mother.  I bit my tongue since it wasn't my battle.  Good luck, hope it all works out.

Super Contributor
Posts: 422
Registered: ‎02-02-2016

@Julie928, thank you, that is exactly how I am feeling....I just turned 62 and don't have the energy for dealing with this...I have some serious health issues..you would think she would be more than willing to pitch in and help...just about everyday there is a package from Amazon..hair products. skin care..you name it...the latest are paper plates. paper coffee cups, plastic utensils. coffee stirrers, plastic cups for cold drinks..anything to avoid washing a dish..the other night rather than placing the garbage in the trash...she placed it in a bag out by the pool...seriously? I looked up and saw a raccoon going through the trash..apparently they had thrown out a happy meal..the raccoon was munching on fries and a hamburger..Just gross..She wouldn't pull this on any of her friends..or maybe she would..nobody has invited her or the kids for a visit.

Super Contributor
Posts: 422
Registered: ‎02-02-2016

@Carmie, that is what I plan on doing....the little boy has super heroes all over the place...no respect for what they have...they know that if a toy is broken..daddy or mommy will have one ordered Amazon Prime...their lifestyle is so different from mine...

Valued Contributor
Posts: 573
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Your house, your rules. Let mom and the kids know what you expect....and the consequences.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,430
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

Of course she won't grow up!  She doesn't have to if someone else is footing the bill for everything. I don't think you get to be a stay at home mom if someone else has to support you. 

 

Is this an open ended arrangement or is it temporary?  I'm just not sure what you get out of this deal. Wow!

 

Super Contributor
Posts: 422
Registered: ‎02-02-2016

@GCR18, thank you! The bridge has not been burned but this is just not going to work out...and you are right...this will take some time to get my home back together again.

Super Contributor
Posts: 422
Registered: ‎02-02-2016

@GenXmuse this was suppose to be temporary..but she has not gone looking for apartments, housing..nothing...Her home in another state still has not sold.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 744
Registered: ‎01-02-2017

If you've been kind enough to let them move in. They, all three of them need to keep things up.  I guess I am old school,  children need chores, teaches them responsibility and that in life not everything is handed to you on a silver platter. IMHO.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,371
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

It is not OP's place to impose chores.  However, if they are living with her, there is nothing wrong with asking for help.   Talk to the kids' mother (alone) and ask for help from her and the kids.  Get the ok for OP to ask the kids for help in the future.  Work out OP's and kids' and mom's boundaries first with mom.  Then have the mother tell the kids (not ask) in front of OP.  My kids always had chores...it took all of us helping so we had time to do other things.  

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,013
Registered: ‎02-19-2014

I say your house, your rules.  That goes for the neice and her children.