Reply
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,547
Registered: ‎02-16-2019

Your letting her treat you this way, stop!  Refuse to do all the cooking!  Refuse to go to their house if you relegated to the kitchen.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,720
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

She does not sound like a nice person. I think you have been incredibly gracious and have gone above and beyond to do what is right. I hope her baby is fussy and doesn't sleep through the night for a long time.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,260
Registered: ‎04-25-2020

@Coastalcarolina wrote:

I wanted to say that I know everyone has been helpful in their comments.  I will preface this by saying yes, I am old.  I am old fashioned.  I remember when I was a young expectant mother to be and these nice older ladies would throw showers for people.

 

You didn't have to have a theme.  It was not all about the mother to be.  It was about people coming together and showing love to someone, even if you weren't that close to them.

 

I was taught that you were to be grateful.  People attended my events that I barely knew who they were.  But these nice ladies would knit booties, or bring anything from nasal aspirators to blankets that did not have to match my babies nursery.  And I said thank you to each and every one and used the gift that they spent their money on and appreciated them coming to my shower.

 

I also did not equate telling someone the wonderful news of an impending birth to giving someone a kitchen aid mixer for Christmas @ThinkingOutLoud .

 

There has been a lot of history over the last 10 years with my DIL.  We were told in the beginning that most celebrations were to be with her family.  We even ate alone in her kitchen while others of her family were seated at the dining table.  Couldn't even swallow my food because I was trying to keep from crying.

Still put on a brave face. 

 

So to those that say its not about me?  Don't worry.  Already knew that.  So I was upset to be called upon to serve once again and watch the party.

 

I will end with this....I was also trying to do the thing that someone greater than me said.....

 

 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

 

And I think excluding others because its "all about them" does not fall in that category.


@Coastalcarolina   My eyes are starting to water reading your post.  Relegated to eat alone in the kitchen while the others ate at the dining table?  What were you considered?  The hired help?  I almost thought you were going to say they had you sit at the "kid's table" but what they did was even worse.  

 

Sometimes relatives leave a lot to be desired.  And sometimes, in-laws can be even worse.  Big hugs to you.  Heart

I would give everything I own just to have you back again.......David Gates of Bread
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,272
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Coastalcarolina 

 

I am sorry to hear of all of this with your daughter in law.  I am sure there is a lot of history and a backstory to this that you cannot even begin to tell us.  I think your daughter in law is missing out by excluding family members and treating you poorly.

It sounds like you are trying to handle it all with Grace and kindness, and I truly have no idea what I would do in your situation.  I would hope I would do whatever it took to try to preserve a relationship with my grandchild.

 

I sure hope things will improve for you.  

 

“I heard the sound I had to follow”
In Your Wildest Dreams by Justin Hayward
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,547
Registered: ‎02-16-2019

It seems like mothers of sons (I only had daughters) get the short end of the stick sometimes!  These sons need to stick up for their mothers.  My husband has always taken care of his mother and I have always supported that, why wouldn't a wife want her husband to be good to his mother and in turn treat her husbands mother with respect?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,773
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

"Go along to get along" and he allows you to be treated this way? Is there more to this?

When I lose the TV controller, it's always in some remote destination.
Super Contributor
Posts: 432
Registered: ‎04-02-2015

I couldn't answer that.  Only he knows.  We had a great, and I mean great, fun happy relationship all through the years.  Even through college when they change and are becoming their own person.

 

He asked for my advice when choosing a house before getting married.  Included me on lots of things.

 

Then she came along.  Everything changed.  Not many phone calls, etc.  Here we are today 😢

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,900
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Coastalcarolina  After reading how she's treated you, you have every reason to be hurt.  

 

Making you eat in the kitchen, separate from everyone else?!  That is utterly shameful, and there's no excuse for treating you that way.  That's why they invented card tables for crying out loud!  Unbelievable!  😡

 
As for the shower guest list, again, shameful in my opinion.  I could understand if your eliminated guests were just friends of yours that your DIL had never met before.  But your guest list was only six people, and family to boot.  You're doing all the cooking for all of the guests, and you're only allowed two guests?!?!  Absolutely absurd!  And I can't imagine that your nieces would be rude or obnoxious guests either.
 
What would I do in this situation?  I would go ahead and contribute the food and honor that commitment, but I certainly would not stick around after the shower and do clean up duty.  I would not contribute to any other shower expenses like decorations, shower favors for guests, or anything else.  
 
I've heard so many nasty stories over the years about how some DILs treat their MIL.  What I just don't get is that the sons were raised to be kind, respectful men.  But something seems to go awry after some of these sons marry these selfish women.  Yeah, I know that not all sons and DILs act this way, and yeah I get it that the son's marriage takes precedence.  But it shouldn't give them license to just toss mom to the curb.  
 
On a positive note, congrats on your first grandbaby!  It is one of life's sweetest and greatest treasures!  
 
Hang in there, and don't allow them to treat you so poorly or take advantage of you!
~LdyBugz
Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,482
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Coastalcarolina wrote:

@Group 5 minus 1 wrote:

Boy,does she sound mean! Sitting in the kitchen? That is terrible.

As someone else has said,wait till the baby comes.

 

What does your son think of all this?


Goes along to get along.  I accepted this long ago.


@Coastalcarolina Are you the same poster who recently posted about their son and his in-laws not asking her to go on trips with them?  Just thinking back. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 545
Registered: ‎04-13-2016

Why don't you have a private conversation about this with your son & tell him how you feel?  When you were relegated to the kitchen, did son come & sit with you in solidarity & to visit?  Son needs to stand up to her & say his side needs to be represented too. Sounds like she runs the show & he expresses no input.