Mom to Mom

[ECBG]

Our children are always our children on some levels.

My son and my DIL and little grandsons would be totally crushed if I didn't do what I do on holidays.  We are often the glue that holds the family together. 

Our son told me several summers sitting on the deck that I was "the smartest person he had ever known"!  He's SO proud to tell me about what he builds as a contractorand shows me pictures.  Several Christmas' ago, he made me an exact copy of a set of shelves from 1850 from wood salavaged from a 100 year old barn.  It took him two years to complete it!

[gramgrandkids1]

@JumpTheRope my daughter will be my kid until the day I die.  

[JumpTheRope]

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@pigletsmom wrote:

I'd say birthday cakes are a thumbs up.

Random bags of stuff is a thumbs down. There are many things where I buy the brands that I like and if my mother gave me a bag of stuff I'd take it and then have to figure out what to do with it. Of course I wouldn't want to tell her I didn't want it.

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Ranom stuff is not what I give them, but rather items they’ve mentioned

trying (like a new mascara, which I’ll find On Sale) or a BOGO on vitamins they take.

Just small incidentals.....not junk or knickknacks. They receive the gifts gracefully and if they don’t need/want, they don’t tell me!

(and the probably pass on to a friend).

I don’t do this constantly, but over a month, for example, I have a bag for each DD/family. If I should spot something for so-and-so, I pop it in the bag.

Then after several weeks , I’ll drop it off or they will take it after a visit,

Its actually a small gesture and my posts perhaps are making it a bigger deal than it really is, lol.

Neither DD has a lot of time to search out Sales/Coupons, etc., and since I do, I enjoy grabbing bargains on items I know they need/use/want.

Its probably done more “for me”, than them!  heh

I do agree that “bags of random stuff” should go to Goodwill instead!

[JumpTheRope]

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@beach-mom wrote:

@JumpTheRope - I think you're doing fine! I'm sure they appreciate it too! I would do the same thing. I pick up things from time to time that I think DD would like, and she does the same for me. Unlike you, my mom was great and she did this also, so I guess I learned it from her! DS is in his early 20's and a long way from home. He's right out of college and doesn't make much. I send him cookies or brownies and a few other things every two weeks. When he came home for the holidays, I was handing him a tube of toothpaste to pack and he said, "Mom, I have about 5 of these in my apartment." 

So I will be doing the same thing!  

I'm sure your daughters appreciate your advice. I'm free with that too, but I try to sense when I don't need to do that. LOL! If the eyeroll comes out I know it's time to be quiet. 

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I just re-read your response and laughed again at the “MOM, I HAVE 5 TUBES ALREADY!”

What is it about “you and I” that even remembers/thinks of TOOTHPASTE,

of all things! lol

I do know that anytime I put snacks in a bag for their families, I always include toothpaste and new toothbrushes (charcoal bamboo!) 

(I’m not going to be responsible towards the rotting of their teeth!)

hahaha

Another funny example, once I found SCOTT TISSUE On Sale for approximately .50/roll, I bought several packages of 20-rolls each

and dropped them off with a gag/joke card.....something along the lines of

”this is for all you buttholes”!

VERY VERY TASTELESS, I KNOW.....but really funny! 

My DDs thought it was hilarious......and that’s the response I’d hoped for!

Warning: don’t try this unless you have a truly humorous strain within your family! Some folks could be offended, unfortunately.  lol

[chrystaltree]

My daughters are in their early 30's and they will always be my kids. But I respect that they are adults and I am careful not to over step or intrude.

When asked, I give advice.  They are at an age now when I also ask them for advice and opinions.  I don't buy them stuff normal regular household stuff. I do buy them an occasional "just because" gifts.  We celebrate birthdays and anniversaries as a family. I love giving gifts for those occasions but now that they have husbands and children, I spend less on them.  How we relate to our adult children evolves over time, it's natural.  Don't over think it.  I don't think we ever stop worrying about our kids and their pain is always our pain but the trick is to avoid inserting ourselves and our opinions where they are not wanted or needed.  You are happy, your girls are happy.  You are close and loving. You are doing just fine and it doesn't sound like hovering to me.

[ECBG]

Our children are always from us, but I respect that they are now adults.  My work was done then; I am in back up support mode now.  I supported them, and put them through school.

I didn't appreciate being told what to do (except in life lessons), when I had supported myself through college and had a higher education than the others.  I earned my own money, built a large house at 26 and went forward.

[CelticCrafter]

I will not and do not offer or force my extra stuff on her.

She doesn't like to say no and cause hurt feelings so it just accumulates at her house.

If she wants to go through the stash and take something then that's a different story.

[blackhole99]

Our only child, a son is 35 years old and if we know what's good for us ,we are only there to support him. Of course, he knows if he needs help in any way financially we will do what we can. That being said, if I see him leaning into something stupid I don't hesitate to tell him about it. So far so good.

[spiderw]

You raise your children to be responsible, independent, instill values, respect for themselves and others, to be decent , have integrity and know right from wrong.  While it sounds like a long list, they learn over time.  You can only do what you can as a parent and hopefully your rearing and advice will leave its mark.

No matter what their age, your children are yours forever.  There is any age limit on being a parent.  I know myself, I didn't always listen to my mother even when I was older.  Now I find myself using her advice for others, saying many of the things she said  which helped me through life.  Even though she has passed she is still Mom to me.

[Mumof2]

@JumpTheRope  You keep on being who you are and doing what you feel is right for your family.  I'm sure they appreciate what a beautiful, kind, and thoughtful person you are.  

My mom would always do thoughtful things like that for me and now she and my dad are in assisted living nearby and I get to be the one who goes shopping for neat things or foods I know they'd enjoy.