At what age are our children

JumpTheRope · ‎01-26-2019

.....no longer “our KIDS”?

Although my DDs are both 30+, I still advise them, remind them of certain things, pick up extras of toothpaste (or whatever supplies are On Sale)

for their households, etc.

I still bring them each a small birthday cake! My “reasoning “ for that is, it seems like once we become adults, birthdays are barely acknowledged or celebrated.

I do know my DDs are touched by that small gesture and it’s a tradition.

I even get BD cakes for close/special family friends.

They usually appreciate my infrequent advice/information and my habit of

handing them each a bag every month or so of “almost Free” household/personal products is also a routine.

As an example, I might have extra tubes of toothpaste, vitamin supplements, Excedrin, or a Dollar Tree bottle of hydrogen peroxide included in a bag.

Items for the grandkids of course, lol.

My friend jokes that my kids are adults, surely they buy their own toothpaste!?

(yes, but not the “good stuff”!)

I don’t spend much , its always useful Clearanced/Sale items and they consider it “one of moms eccentricities”.

But aside from my Bargain Bags, its more the way I *think* of my DDs.

I have a hard time watching them make unwise decisions, when

I “could” have pushed my own idea on them.

Watching them go through unnecessary difficulties is hard...no matter what their *chronological age is......

THEY’RE STILL MY KIDS!”

In reading over this post, it sounds like I’m a hovering mother who can’t cut the strings....but in reality most of my concerns are in my mind.

Anyway, to sum up, I personally did not experience what a “normal”

mother/family goes through, so I’ve been “winging it” the whole time! lol

I want my DDs to HAVE a caring, involved mom (unlike my experience)

but do not want to enable/smother them.

As of now, I feel I’m striking the right balance.

Who knows, in several years I may become more dependent on them...and they’ll be *advising* ME!

Sorry so long....thanks for reading

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

@JumpTheRope Looks to me that you've been doing a great job "winging it." Relax and enjoy your kids and family without over thinking it too much. I suspect they will tell you, if they think you're crossing boundaries, or being too intrusive.

Yes, they will always be your kids and It sounds like they got lucky to have such a caring mom. You're also creating some great memories for them.

But, you do have some traditions to keep up. It looks like you'll be baking quite a few more cakes , until the day you pass the apron to the next in line.

JumpTheRope · ‎01-26-2019

Omygoodness, you are correct!

Im definitely an “over-thinker” which often creates a state of immobility!

Sometimes I’m *frozen* when trying to make a decision,

with the “On one hand........on the other hand”,

or making a list of PROS and CONS.

I must clarify...I DO NOT BAKE BD CAKES! (actually the microwave is my best friend!)

But I do choose to personalize cakes from the bakery.

My family *knows* I Do Not Cook!

I don’t give my grandkids BD cakes.....they have their own parents to do that! lol

But I do hope that My Girls will continue giving Their Girls BD cakes

no matter how old they get!

Thanks for for your response!

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

@JumpTheRope - I think you're doing fine! I'm sure they appreciate it too! I would do the same thing. I pick up things from time to time that I think DD would like, and she does the same for me. Unlike you, my mom was great and she did this also, so I guess I learned it from her! DS is in his early 20's and a long way from home. He's right out of college and doesn't make much. I send him cookies or brownies and a few other things every two weeks. When he came home for the holidays, I was handing him a tube of toothpaste to pack and he said, "Mom, I have about 5 of these in my apartment."

So I will be doing the same thing!

I'm sure your daughters appreciate your advice. I'm free with that too, but I try to sense when I don't need to do that. LOL! If the eyeroll comes out I know it's time to be quiet.

Starpolisher · ‎03-10-2010

@JumpTheRope wrote:
.....no longer “our KIDS”?

Although my DDs are both 30+, I still advise them, remind them of certain things, pick up extras of toothpaste (or whatever supplies are On Sale)
for their households, etc.

I still bring them each a small birthday cake! My “reasoning “ for that is, it seems like once we become adults, birthdays are barely acknowledged or celebrated.

I do know my DDs are touched by that small gesture and it’s a tradition.
I even get BD cakes for close/special family friends.

They usually appreciate my infrequent advice/information and my habit of
handing them each a bag every month or so of “almost Free” household/personal products is also a routine.

As an example, I might have extra tubes of toothpaste, vitamin supplements, Excedrin, or a Dollar Tree bottle of hydrogen peroxide included in a bag.

Items for the grandkids of course, lol.

My friend jokes that my kids are adults, surely they buy their own toothpaste!?
(yes, but not the “good stuff”!)

I don’t spend much , its always useful Clearanced/Sale items and they consider it “one of moms eccentricities”.

But aside from my Bargain Bags, its more the way I *think* of my DDs.

I have a hard time watching them make unwise decisions, when
I “could” have pushed my own idea on them.

Watching them go through unnecessary difficulties is hard...no matter what their *chronological age is......
THEY’RE STILL MY KIDS!”

In reading over this post, it sounds like I’m a hovering mother who can’t cut the strings....but in reality most of my concerns are in my mind.

Anyway, to sum up, I personally did not experience what a “normal”
mother/family goes through, so I’ve been “winging it” the whole time! lol

I want my DDs to HAVE a caring, involved mom (unlike my experience)
but do not want to enable/smother them.
As of now, I feel I’m striking the right balance.

Who knows, in several years I may become more dependent on them...and they’ll be *advising* ME!

Sorry so long....thanks for reading

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

....no longer “our KIDS”?

NEVER! 💕

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

trust me on this one, I think until they've lived as long as you and experienced all you have, then and only then. Believe me, they'll miss mom when she's gone, if she was a friend, confident, and all-around scholar, w/o being a know-it-all.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Don't underestimate what your kids think. They may think a few of the things you buy or do for them are a little silly but they won't as they get older.

My mom was like you. She didn't buy much until all the kids were grown (I have 6 younger siblings) but she was always there for a helping hand, to lean on, to have fun with, with a hug, and just because. She and Dad also helped a lot with my kids after my husband walked out. Dad taught the kids to golf, took them to lessons, and so much more. Mom and Dad would hang out with the kids, take them to the zoo, and do a zillion things for them. Dad is still with us and it's an honor to be able to help take care of him. Mom was my best friend and confidant as well as my mom. I would give anything for one more hour with her.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

My situation is a little different. My kids are either 50 or pushing 50. My experience is, especially at this age, they don't want my advice. I'm learning to be a better listener and am trying to keep it at that....but it's not easy! LOL. I think as your children age it is important to have a life outside of your children. It's good for you and good for them, too.

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

@JumpTheRope NEVER!! My son is about to turn 28. He's my heart & sole. I will never stop caring,offering my opinion,buying him stuff etc.

IMO when you have a child it's a responsibility you have for the rest of your life. I will always have my say. Wether he agrees with me or not, takes my advice or not.

I will always buy him stuff too,as well his fiancé. My son has indicated on several occasions that he loves that I'm always there for him.He loves the advice, even if he doesn't always take it. He says it helps guide him. And of course he loves the goodies.

When my mom was alive I always appreciated the attention. No matter how old you are nothing beats a mother's love.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@JumpTheRope My two kids are in their 30s too. I still give advice but try not to be too overbearing about it. I'll also buy little gifts or things that I think will be appreciated. For example, DD liked a pair of unisex gloves (they were inexpensive) that I got DH for Christmas and since I'm going to see her on Monday, I got a pair for her & her boyfriend. I also like to bring a small cat toy or two.

We also always celebrate birthdays. We'll either go out to a local restaurant and have cake at home, or if we go out to eat in the city (where kids live) then I won't get a cake but we'll do a dessert there....bottom line is we'll always celebrate a family birthday even if it has to be postponed a bit for whatever reason.