Am i a bad mother? - Page 3

Luvsmyfam · ‎11-26-2019

yes,my adult daughter has 2 children.one is a minor,the other is 23.he lives elsewhere and employed.their father is in the picture as well.i do not support her,but my x,her father does.inreturn,she cooks,cleans,basically a housewife.shes a smart,polite,generous girl.i think her life would improve if she worked outside of the house.she is still young

CAcableGirl2 · ‎06-03-2010

@Luvsmyfam No, you are not a bad mother - you are exhausted after working for so many years.

For you own mental health, try to see if you can fit in a couple of days off from work and all your responsibilities to do whatever YOU want to do, whether it's spending some time in the garden, sleeping in, going to the movies, whatever.

When I start to feel overworked (and I've worked full time for 55 years now, while raising children for many years and running a household), I take a day off of work each week to finish up projects around the house, get caught up on all my errands, or just spend the day window shopping, or whatever I feel like doing.

As another poster mentions, if you can honestly say, you did the best you could, then that's all we can do. Motherhood is hard sometimes, even when your children are adults.

Take care of you - I'm sure many others feel the same way at one time or another.

......You look like I need a drink.....

CAcableGirl2 · ‎06-03-2010

@Luvsmyfam I forgot to mention, that if I were you, my only concern would be what she is going to do if her father is no longer in the picture.....

She needs to make sure she has a safety net, since it sounds like she may be supported by him.

......You look like I need a drink.....

mom2four0418 · ‎04-23-2010

@Luvsmyfam wrote:
yes,my adult daughter has 2 children.one is a minor,the other is 23.he lives elsewhere and employed.their father is in the picture as well.i do not support her,but my x,her father does.inreturn,she cooks,cleans,basically a housewife.shes a smart,polite,generous girl.i think her life would improve if she worked outside of the house.she is still young

It sounds as though she already has a full-time job, as well as a very loving support system. Isn't that what we want for our kids?

“The soul is healed by being with children.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Luvsmyfam · ‎11-26-2019

of course that's what I want.but I also feel she is to young to not work outside of the home.she sometimes gets envious when I've been shopping,or getting a petty.i just bite my tongue and let her figure it out what the answer is

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@CAcableGirl2 wrote:
@Luvsmyfam No, you are not a bad mother - you are exhausted after working for so many years.

For you own mental health, try to see if you can fit in a couple of days off from work and all your responsibilities to do whatever YOU want to do, whether it's spending some time in the garden, sleeping in, going to the movies, whatever.

When I start to feel overworked (and I've worked full time for 55 years now, while raising children for many years and running a household), I take a day off of work each week to finish up projects around the house, get caught up on all my errands, or just spend the day window shopping, or whatever I feel like doing.

As another poster mentions, if you can honestly say, you did the best you could, then that's all we can do. Motherhood is hard sometimes, even when your children are adults.

Take care of you - I'm sure many others feel the same way at one time or another.

@CAcableGirl2 Good post, great advice.

decaf · ‎05-13-2021

@panda1234 wrote:
@decaf wrote:
@Luvsmyfam I believe anxiety and panic attacks, which are legitimate mental disorders, may qualify for Social Security Disability. The younger someone is, the harder it is to get disability.
I don't want to sound harsh but if she is able to take road trips with her boyfriend, why isn't she able to do some type of work?. You and your ex are not going to be around forever, she really needs to be an independent adult, especially if she is a mother (not really sure about that from your post).
It's not right you're working two jobs for 40 years. You sound very stressed, I've been in a similar situation myself. I hope you'll see a therapist to help you see this siuation more clearly, for her and for YOU.

@decaf As a mom who lives with a 26 year old daughter with mental illness you just never know when it is going to rear its ugly head. She can be fine one minute and crash the next. Crashing has lasted as long as nine months. We now do make plans to do things and take each day one by one. I understand you questioning not working but able to go on vacation, same has happened to us. Right now she is not stable enough to work. I don't know what employer would hire her knowing this. Before illness she was a fulltime student and worked two part time jobs.

@panda1234I'm sorry that you and your daughter are having to deal with her illness but the OP said her daughter suffers from anxiety attacks. As you told another poster, all anxiety disorders are different. Maybe the OP's daughter is able to work. Ideally she can achieve the highest level of independence possible.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Luvsmyfam wrote:
no,she is not.i didn't know you could get disability for panic attacks.now I've heard of everything!

@Luvsmyfam My daughter gets SSDI because she worked. Her history was documented by her doctor going back since she was 5. We did get a disability lawyer because this was too important to leave to chance. So, yes it is possible.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@decaf wrote:
@panda1234 wrote:
@decaf wrote:
@Luvsmyfam I believe anxiety and panic attacks, which are legitimate mental disorders, may qualify for Social Security Disability. The younger someone is, the harder it is to get disability.
I don't want to sound harsh but if she is able to take road trips with her boyfriend, why isn't she able to do some type of work?. You and your ex are not going to be around forever, she really needs to be an independent adult, especially if she is a mother (not really sure about that from your post).
It's not right you're working two jobs for 40 years. You sound very stressed, I've been in a similar situation myself. I hope you'll see a therapist to help you see this siuation more clearly, for her and for YOU.

@decaf As a mom who lives with a 26 year old daughter with mental illness you just never know when it is going to rear its ugly head. She can be fine one minute and crash the next. Crashing has lasted as long as nine months. We now do make plans to do things and take each day one by one. I understand you questioning not working but able to go on vacation, same has happened to us. Right now she is not stable enough to work. I don't know what employer would hire her knowing this. Before illness she was a fulltime student and worked two part time jobs.
@panda1234I'm sorry that you and your daughter are having to deal with her illness but the OP said her daughter suffers from anxiety attacks. As you told another poster, all anxiety disorders are different. Maybe the OP's daughter is able to work. Ideally she can achieve the highest level of independence possible.

@decaf Yes, there are all levels of anxiety and none should be diminshed. As parents we all want our kids to be productive, independent citizens. I think the problem is not, not being able to work but finding someone who will be ok with calling out at a moments notice because you are too sick to get out of bed. And being out for the day or it could be weeks. She has volunteered but again they are depending on you to be there.

decaf · ‎05-13-2021

@panda1234The OP said her daughter suffers from anxiety attacks, that sounds quite different from your daughter's illness.

@Luvsmyfam, Has you daughter ever worked outside the home, does she ever express the desire to do that? The job market is terrific now, how about a job where she's able to work from home?