Re: Am i a bad mother?

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@panda1234 wrote:
@CalminHeart There are different levels of anxiety.

I know this. The original post didn't indicate how bad it was, or at least I didn't interpret it to be bad. I saw another post this morning that explained it was debilitating.

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

To the op and others that have posted about kids not able to work - there are other ways to make money and on your timetable. They can write (there are bloggers that do quite well from the advertising). They can create items to sell like jewelry, quilts, aprons, calligraphy, cricut items, paintings, etc (there are etsy shop owners that do well). That's just a couple options but I'm sure there are others.

Also, if meds/therapy aren't enough to help have the life they'd prefer, there's real help out there that isn't just another bandaid. Just sayin.

Growing · ‎07-12-2020

The thing about parenting is that our children often make choices in life that are different from our own. Her choice to take on the traditional in the house role for her father while you have always worked two jobs, is an example of this. I was a stay at home mother with a husband who did no parenting at all and both my daughters put their kids in daycare while either working or going to school because it is too much to take care of their kids. As parents, we walk a fine line with resentment and criticism with our adult children. We have to decide that how our adult children are doing their lives does not mean how we do or did our lives was wrong. Her way is okay and your way is okay. It will show if you hang on to feeling she is not living up to your own standards and she will likely reduce her contact with you. Estrangement is a common and growing phenomonom. Your resentment is about your internal feelings about yourself, not about her lifestyle. Maybe it is jealosy of her "easy life" or maybe her dad treats her better than he treated you, or maybe it is feeling left out or ??. Just something to consider so that maybe you can drop the resentment of her as it will affect your relationship with her.

Mental illness is not often well understood by people.

Hippiified · ‎03-21-2017

@Luvsmyfam

You are not a bad mother! I think you need to take some mental health days off, and pamper yourself, as many as you need. I would be worn out after all those years working two jobs. You don't have to stop working, just slow down a bit. Do you really need both jobs at this point in your life? You need to slow down and take care of yourself..mentally and physically. Jmo

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Luvsmyfam wrote:
I work 2 jobs,and have done this for 40 yrs.i sometimes feel resentful towards my only child,who does not work.because of panic attacks,she drives very little.she lives with my ex,so she really has no bills.everything is taken care of.when I am exhausted,or feeling poorly,I still make it to work.when talking to her,knowing she can go back to bed,or go on a road trip with her botfriend,I bite my tongue. Am I being a petty about this?she is a awesome mother,and really runs the household...at her father's house

@Luvsmyfam

Sounds like you are experiencing burnout. JMO

Saltylady · ‎05-26-2021

Maybe you should put your energy into finding one higher paying job instead of 2 low paying ones?
I'm sure you are tired. Can you reduce expenses? Are you eligible for Senior discounts on anything and everything? Can you get subsidized housing? Many stores like Walgreens have monthly or weekly discount days.
Why oh why are you jealous of your child with panic attacks? Would you be jealous if she had low vision?
I had a friend with panic attacks. It was irritating to deal with her. Then she got on new meds, went back to work and does much better now. It took about 5 years to get better, it was not easy.
Don't be a martyr and work yourself to death. You sound bitter. You don't get brownie points for killing yourself. Are you angry your child gets to be a stay at home mom? MANY woman stay home for the young years.Are you angry her dad trades a place to live for housework or that she has a boyfriend? WHY? IT WOULD be nice if she could get a part time job, maybe even work at home.
But really put your energies into reducing costs,finding a better job, applying for benefits, maybe even Social Security partial benefits, rent subsidies, check with your states office on aging to help
And I'm sure your daughter realizes your utter contempt and hatred of her.What a terrible thing to know how you resent her. Life is not fair. But your attitude is not helping yourself or your daughter.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

In my opinion, you are not a bad mother, you are human.

I think that when we are strong people, hard workers, and have a particular value system, and our children's lives fall short of our expectations of them (even as adults, I believe we should have expectations of our children), we can easily feel the way you do.

For me, that feeling comes from the fact that I know that life can be hard, and I raised my kid to be tough, independent, responsible and self sustaining, in order to survive and thrive in this life. I worry that if they 'get away' with not living up to their potential, it will lead to hardship and problems later in their lives.

catwoman48 · ‎07-02-2011

Wow, @gizmogal, who would have expected to find such cogent advice on a QVC forum? Are you a professional therapist? I think your evaluation and advice were spot-on and I hope the OP will give it a lot of thought. My daughter does work, is married to a very supportive woman with a large family, has all her needs taken care of. I am still working full time in my 70’s, and can’t help feeling resentful because she has just quit speaking to me. Now that I can’t do anything for her, I have apparently become expendable. But at least she is self-supporting, has a college degree and has no children.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

SherriKay, you're entitled to your feelings but you can control your behavior. From what you wrote, you've worked very hard over the years for little reward. Your daughter is grown and has made her own decisions. All of us who have grown children can be unhappy with their life choices, from where they live or work, and with whom. After a number of years I realized that I'd better stop fretting about them if I wanted to have a good life and a good relationship with them. My friends and family who are upset about their grown children's lives, and are still trying to make them change, are constantly frustrated and resentful. I got over it.