Re: Am I Nuts?

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@AbbyK wrote:
Probably!!

i have two adult children, both with good jobs, their own condos, and seemingly a great life. They seem very happy. They are both so kind and generous. They have tons of friends they travel with, go out with, etc.

My daughter is 35, my son is 32. Neither of them are in any kind of romantic relationship at all. They’ve had serious relationships, but they ended.

I’m of the generation that you went to college, got married, had kids. I was 22 when I got married and it’s been almost 41 years .

I KNOW it’s their lives, and I NEVER nag them about settling down. But they’ve said occasionally that they are lonely...that’s what worries me. It takes time to cultivate a relationship, and my daughter says IF she wants kids, she will be 40 ish. I just don’t understand the dating scene these days. My daughter says if you aren’t in a serious relationship in your late twenties, it gets harder and harder or a lot of 30+ are divorced.

I don’t know what I’m in angst about...people constantly asking me are they married?, any kids? They look at me like there’s a problem. I’ve read that 30 somethings, a lot of them, are just not doing the marriage, kid thing.

If thats it, so be it.

@AbbyK Have you asked the rude ones "Does that bother you?" I remember Ann Landers used to say you should say "Why?" Someone asked my mother that once when she was being nosy and it really sat her back! LOL!

tsavorite · ‎03-09-2010

@Theresa1121 wrote:
I have two daughters who are 32 and 37 and neither are married or in a relationship. They have good jobs and self relient but I know they would like to meet someone and settle down. My heart is heavy as the years go by, their opionion on having children has changed each year. The younger one always spoke of wanting two children, but now she says she doesn't want kids. My older daughter is a teacher and has always said how hard it would be to work the hours she does and how getting to work early would be stressful..

Not to sound selfish but all of my friends seem to have tons of grandchildren and I love seeing all the pictures and they speak of grandparenting as the best thing that every happened to them. For us, the holidays are almost sad, and now they seem to be distancing themselves from us and not visiting as much, calling for advice and I just feel as if the circle of life is not going to be a factor in our family.

I don't talk about it with them and on occasion they will fill me in on when they are dating, but most of the time I don't know and 3 or 4 years since either has had a serious relationship and have introduced us to their boyfriends.

Yes, it is their lives but I know they would love to meet someone but as others have said, very hard in this day and age and I believe more difficult as you get older.

The holidays remain a bit melancholy for ther 4 of us.

Wow you said it all so well...I am in this same boat....I have 3 sons (23, 24 & 28) and no girlfriends! 2 only seem to be interested in gaming...and shooting guns. When asked (husband did the asking) 2nd son says he doesn't have time for a girlfriend.

Christmas was such a downer for me....all men....and a male dog (oldest son's dog) peeing in house. A out of town guest of my 2nd son staying with him at his place came also. I wanted to cry...I thought this is my future holidays?

I am planning on taking vacations in future yrs...perhaps that would snap me out of it. I know my kids are younger but from the look of things marriage doesn't seem to be on the horizon and 2 of my son's don't want kids. Holding out hope on my 3rd son...he is shy...and his last girlfriend just up and dumped him. Nobody since her and it's been 2yrs now. He wants to have kids one day....it was hard for him to toss out a really old dianosaur blanket I had made him when he was young. I promised him I'd make his (son/daughter) and brand new one. So he let it go in the trash. Makes me sad....I too attend all the weddings...just went to another baby shower again this past weekend.

Sweetbay magnolia · ‎04-14-2013

I didn't get married until I was 38. He was 44. This was 20 years ago. That's just how things worked out. We're very happy. No kids. That's fine, too (there are lots of people in the world!).

I frankly didn't care if I ever married, nor did I make those decisions to please my Mom, whom I'm sure would have liked grandkids. If I'd married younger, who knows, I might have. I've done many things I couldn't have done if I'd had a family at a young age.

People are too quick to stereotype. It really does take all kinds.

Cogito ergo sum

lovesrecess · ‎03-14-2010

Meeting people socially can be difficult if you aren’t interested In hanging out with your colleagues after hours....and most people aren’t. Finding a church group or volunteering for a cause you care about is a good way to meet people with whom you may share some interests. If your kids are successful and healthy, you are truly blessed. It seems more and more are waiting to marry and have kids, and I personally think it’s a good thing. Many on some college campuses have a “ring by spring” mentality and feel pressure to marry as soon as they graduate....fortunately this is becoming less popular. I think becoming parents later than earlier is probably a good thing.

Kalli · ‎03-11-2010

Interesting discussion and I can sure identify.

My sons are in their 30s. One lives with a very nice woman who already had children coming into this relationship. No more for her. My son has never expressed a burning desire to have his own children so this situation suits him fine. Younger son is on a career path, makes a very nice salary and enjoys traveling the world when he's not working.

So no grandchildren for me. I'm actually ok with that. I'm a worrier. If I had grands, I'd worry much more about the problems going on in our world today. I'd also be socking money away for college and beyond for grandkids.

So, on the bright side, DH and I can pretty much travel when we want, (except for these 4 months when it's my turn to help out with elderly father. Siblings and I take turns.) But other than that, Dh and I eat out, go shopping, do what we want. And I can afford my somewhat expensive hobby, horse ownership! I've pretty much accepted I won't have grandkids and that's ok.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

It is a whole different world today. People are making good incomes....women are not as dependent on men as in earlier generations....having children is not as important either.

Marriage is not the end all...and many young people CHOSE to stay single. Not a bad choice at all...... maybe a very wise choice.