Adult Child Moving Home - Page 5

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

Well, if BF is going to make himself a doormat and let her make these choices without his input then why would she not? He needs to stipulate conditions for her moving back, expect some sort of at least minimal rent and utility payments and perhaps a time line for when she would be out again. Clearly, none of that is probably going to happen. If she's been indulged all her life she likely see's nothing wrong in taking advantage of her father and it seems pretty clear he isn't going to rock the boat... I can see an adult child moving back to the parent's house, under some circumstances, but with the expectation that they behave as an adult...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

I haven't read every word of every response. No need to read them. Talking, compromising, bargaining, begging or threatening won't work in this situation. Who will be the loser in this situation no matter what? Odds are 99.9% you won't be able to put up with any version. If your boyfriend is conflicted, unwilling, feels guilty, thinks you are jealous, selfish, unreasonable, etc., your relationship will change and it will end badly.

mom2four0418 · ‎04-23-2010

@silkyk wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
Op is just mad because there's now a daughter and grandchild in the house and the guy is thrilled with that situation. It's his money and he's free to do what he wants with it. It takes time and attention off her and if OP wants a relationship with that man, she better accept the new reality and mind her own business because if he has to make a choice.....it certainly is not going to be her.
So true! Blood is thicker than water.

You do not need to be a parent by blood to put your child first.

“The soul is healed by being with children.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I won't have the time to read all of the responses, but........

The father of the child should contribute to the support of his child.

If this should happen again, and he fathers another child, you can bet that he will be paying child support for that child.

Why should a grandmother be somewhat financially responsible for her grandchild when there is the child's father in the situation. He should at least make a decent contribution.

In the long run, unless he is a criminal of some type or a danger to the child, it's probably a good idea to request child support.

Keep in mind, though, that sometimes a mother of her baby doesn't want to expose her child to someone who might be potentially 'dangerous' and sometimes the mother would rather support the child by herself, keeping her child 'safe' and away from possible danger.

It's happened.......

Regardless, the best of luck to O/P's daughter and baby.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@temptations fan ...he won't be happy in a few months....it will get old very fast. She sounds immature. If I were her parent I would insist on getting child support and would also set up how things are going to be handled as far as paying rent, utilities.

She is not destitute and needs to pay her way, and I would let her know this is not a forever living arrangement.

Be prepared, he will vent to you about her living with him...I see this as not ending well. I hope your relationship can handle this...it sounds like you do not live together but he will be stressed out.

edited to add: I was assuming BF is boyfriend...may be best friend as in girl...not sure

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

As to the child support, it's possible the child is not that of her husband and requesting child support could lead to DNA testing which would expose it.

It's a no win for the OP. If she is successful in getting her BF to disallow his daughter moving in, he'll feel guilty and may lose his relationship with her and blame the OP.

Her best move is to "be a good sport" about it and sympathetic. Likely his daughter will either take up with a new man or go back to her husband and move out.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

Time to find a new boyfriend, this will end badly. The daughter is the winner here.

Desert Lily · ‎06-24-2011

@chrystaltree I agree with your posts. Also in some states, child support is brought up by family court judges during divorce hearings if not by an attorney, so "filing" may not be an issue. No one knows what goes on in a marriage. The daughter may need emotional support after a less-than-kind relationship, and the loving father is there as he should be. None of us knows the daughter's true motivation, only what the OP has written. I give kudos to a father who cares so much.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

The bottom line is daughter and grand child want to move in with BF for what ever reason and if BF wants it she will move in. Blood is thicker than water and no matter what the situation, it's our kids and we feel responsible. A good parent worries about their kids to the grave, that's just the way it is. That being said, the BF should have taught the daughter to love and stand up for herself from the cradle and he would not be having this problem. I would get out of the relationship while the getting is good.