Re: Adult Child Moving Home

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Op is just mad because there's now a daughter and grandchild in the house and the guy is thrilled with that situation. It's his money and he's free to do what he wants with it. It takes time and attention off her and if OP wants a relationship with that man, she better accept the new reality and mind her own business because if he has to make a choice.....it certainly is not going to be her.

temptations fan · ‎03-28-2012

Thank you for your thoughtful insight, I can tell you are a very compassionate and understanding person from your insight.

You are correct I am annoyed because contrary to your opinion it most certainly is my business, I have been in a long term relationship with my BF for several years and we have planned on a future together that did not include having a 30 year old daughter and grandchild living with us. Do I want them to be a part of our lives? Yes, and we both have been quite active in their lives, we have family dinners every week, we go to all of the school and other extra-curricular events, we babysit often and I do more with the grandchild on my own than my BF does mainly because I have more time and I enjoy spending time with all of the kids and grandkids.

As far as it is his money you are correct it is his money and I have never once told him how he should or should not spend his money. I make my own money, slightly more than my BF makes so I can assure you I am not concerned about him spending his money on me. But I am concerned because he has a very stressful job and he hopes to be able to retire at the end of next year and has been concerned with money as he plans for the future. So I do have a concern about his money because I don't like the added stress on him worrying about money.

And finally yes you are very correct that I am mad that it takes time and attention away from me. And I think I have every right to be mad about that, I am an adult in a relationship with another adult who has grown children so I should not have to be in competition for his attention. As I said previously I am now and always have been very supportive of his relationship with his children and the rest of his family, I have integrated well into the family and feel very much a part of the family and I enjoy doing things with all of the family but he is my boyfriend and I certainly will not feel bad because I expect our relationship to not change just because his daughter currently doesn't have a man in her life and she expects my boyfriend to take care of her.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Your best friend? Careful about your comments and opinions. Family is a sensitive subject.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

Are you living with your BF? Because if you are and interfere with this, I suspect you won't be happy with the outcome.

When it comes to children, they usually come first in a parent's life. I would tread lightly with this entire situation. Don't end up in a situation where your BF has to choose his daughter over you if you want to stay with him.

If the daughter is unwilling to seek child support, I suspect that she is only leaving her husband temporarily. She may just use her dad's home like a revolving door. It is a lot for you to deal with and I would think twice about being involved with someone who puts you after his daughter.

mom2four0418 · ‎04-23-2010

@temptations fan wrote:
Thank you for your thoughtful insight, I can tell you are a very compassionate and understanding person from your insight.

You are correct I am annoyed because contrary to your opinion it most certainly is my business, I have been in a long term relationship with my BF for several years and we have planned on a future together that did not include having a 30 year old daughter and grandchild living with us. Do I want them to be a part of our lives? Yes, and we both have been quite active in their lives, we have family dinners every week, we go to all of the school and other extra-curricular events, we babysit often and I do more with the grandchild on my own than my BF does mainly because I have more time and I enjoy spending time with all of the kids and grandkids.

As far as it is his money you are correct it is his money and I have never once told him how he should or should not spend his money. I make my own money, slightly more than my BF makes so I can assure you I am not concerned about him spending his money on me. But I am concerned because he has a very stressful job and he hopes to be able to retire at the end of next year and has been concerned with money as he plans for the future. So I do have a concern about his money because I don't like the added stress on him worrying about money.

And finally yes you are very correct that I am mad that it takes time and attention away from me. And I think I have every right to be mad about that, I am an adult in a relationship with another adult who has grown children so I should not have to be in competition for his attention. As I said previously I am now and always have been very supportive of his relationship with his children and the rest of his family, I have integrated well into the family and feel very much a part of the family and I enjoy doing things with all of the family but he is my boyfriend and I certainly will not feel bad because I expect our relationship to not change just because his daughter currently doesn't have a man in her life and she expects my boyfriend to take care of her.

You are boyfriend and girlfriend, not husband and wife. It sounds like he has other children/grandchildren as well. It's just a guess, but I don't think you will like the outcome if you ask him him to choose.

“The soul is healed by being with children.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

SurferWife · ‎12-12-2010

The best thing your BF could say to her daughter is NO! If she doesn’t then she is only enabling her grown daughter to continue living irresponsibly. But it’s her life & her decision, as stupid as it may sound to the rest of us. Ridiculous!

Time is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. It isn’t how long you live that matters; it is how well you are prepared to die. ~~Colonel Robert B. Thieme, Jr.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@jeanlake wrote:
Your best friend? Careful about your comments and opinions. Family is a sensitive subject.

@jeanlake Boy Friend

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@StephaniM wrote:
No. What she is doing is committing to be a built in babysitter and providing a roof and food For her adult employed daughter. This is your friends time to enjoy her life and do what makes her happy and whole. This is an infringement on your friends life.

Your friend will will end up,being the one who gets the granddaughter ready for school, will be the one driving her to her dance lessons and making her dinner. She will become the main caregiver and your friend has already don’t that!!!

No! Please don’t do it.

My first thought and you said it better than I could!

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@SurferWife wrote:
The best thing your BF could say to her daughter is NO! If she doesn’t then she is only enabling her grown daughter to continue living irresponsibly. But it’s her life & her decision, as stupid as it may sound to the rest of us. Ridiculous!

The o/p is talking about her BOYFRIEND

a guy,

a dude

the male of the human species.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

silkyk · ‎03-03-2011

@chrystaltree wrote:
Op is just mad because there's now a daughter and grandchild in the house and the guy is thrilled with that situation. It's his money and he's free to do what he wants with it. It takes time and attention off her and if OP wants a relationship with that man, she better accept the new reality and mind her own business because if he has to make a choice.....it certainly is not going to be her.

So true! Blood is thicker than water.