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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,456
Registered: ‎11-24-2013

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

She's an idiot not to file for child support. That money is for support of the CHILD.

 

If I were the parent I would perhaps allow the move IF and WHEN I saw actual proof that she had filed with the court for child support. Only then.

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 805
Registered: ‎10-03-2014

Re: Adult Child Moving Home


@temptations fan wrote:

I know this for a fact, it is my boyfriends daughter and she has said all of this. As I said my boyfriend is not thrilled with this but he doesn’t tell her.


@temptations fan 

 

Obviously, you care for this man or you wouldn't call him your boyfriend, but I'd rethink this relationship.

 

Sounds like you are against his decision.  What would happen if the two of you decided to get married?  You might get an instant daughter and granddaughter living with you for a very long time.  If you wanted his daughter to move out, who would he choose, you or his daughter?

 

I see nothing wrong with older daughters moving in to help elderly parents who need assistance, but from what you say your boyfriend doesn't need help, she's only 30, has a young child, and isn't moving in to help.  Appears to me, she's moving in to use him for her own benefit.

 

Even as a girlfriend, you will constantly be annoyed with him for allowing his daughter to move in, not to mention being annoyed with his daughter.  Not a good situation.  

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,500
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

He is a fool to allow this to happen and will deeply regret it. She is manipulative and makes poor choices, that never ends well. I would not want to be in your situation because I would have to move on, I don't need any drama in my life. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,325
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

First of all someone needs to put some sense into this girl's head.

 

Then they need to move over to the parents and pour some left over sense into their head.

 

Do any of you remember what an adjustment it was way back when your child (the person you loved more than life itself) came back home the first time from college?  Not that bad?  How about after the first year of college?  How's your memory?

 

I can still remember my sweet, wonderful daughters after the first semester of college.  I remember them getting ready to go on a date (or with friends) at 10:00 PM.  

 

I remember walking into her room (you know, the one she barely used) and saying, "Where are you going?  It's 10:00 at night?  It's a Thursday night!!"

 

Sweet, wonderful daughter says, "Mom!  At school nothing happens until after 10:00.  Mom!  There's never any classes on Fridays.  Mom!  I'm an adult now!".

 

I remember calling my late husband into the room and saying, "Say something to your kid!  There's crazy people roaming the streets at 10:00, 11:00!  It's not safe out there".

 

I'll leave it at that!  Now think about this (once your little darling having made her own decisions, been married and so on and so on ........

 

I've always said there was no way in !@#$% I'd ever want to live with any of my 3 girls.  

 

If anyone has read my posts you must know how important my girls are to me.  I love them more than anything in the world.

 

But I'm an independent woman and (thank goodness) so are they.

 

I hope you weren't bored.  But sometimes it helps to go deep and trigger memories....some good, some challenging....

 

I hope your friend gets a dose of reality and does the (for want of a better word..."child") a favor and tells her, "Get a job....Get a good lawyer.....Get an apartment".  Then say, "If you need HELP other than living here.....I'm totally there for you.  I already raised you.  I'm too old to do it again".  Hugs and kisses...mom.

 

That way....when you die, the two of you will still have a loving relationship.

 

This is so dramatic but I could hear my mother saying, "Just stick a needle in my eye right now"....."No way".

Super Contributor
Posts: 297
Registered: ‎12-28-2011

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

I am sorry but your BF needs to put on his big boy panties and tell her No. It would be a whole different story if she was truly in need but she is not. Some times tough Love works wonders. I had to tell my daughter no a few times and that she would either sink or swim. And she has become an Olympic swimmer in her life. She is doing wonderful and I am so very proud of her. By the way she has two sons, is a single mother and gets child support.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,437
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

I think I would have to extricate myself from the relationship.  Sounds like this might be a perpetual problem.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,052
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

I think the only power you have is deciding whether or not this situation is a deal breaker for you. From what you have  described I don’t think your boyfriend will refuse her. It’s not just her, but the grandchild too.

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,314
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

Being a parent is a lifelong job. It’s time for this daughter to finish growing up, which means adjusting her lifestyle and budget to her situation. She will never learn to do that if she is allowed to move back in with mommy. Tough love, yes, but teaching responsibility is showing real love on the part of your BF. I hope she does the right thing for her daughter’s sake.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,506
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Adult Child Moving Home

[ Edited ]

@software wrote:

My door is always open to my adult children and their kids.

 

They have landed here from time to time for short periods.

I can't imagine a mother or father denying their child, unless the child is a criminal or drug addict.

 

I've been very fortunate in my life.   I was always able to take care of myself and never needed help but everyone is not me.


 

My kids have temporarily moved back out of need, too.  In this case, the info given is that she doesn't need to, is working, and is more than capable of taking care of herself but just doesn't want to.  She's also a parent and doesn't have a choice but to be a grown up.  Adulting can be difficult.  

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,461
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: Adult Child Moving Home


@CalmInTheHeart wrote:

@software wrote:

My door is always open to my adult children and their kids.

 

They have landed here from time to time for short periods.

I can't imagine a mother or father denying their child, unless the child is a criminal or drug addict.

 

I've been very fortunate in my life.   I was always able to take care of myself and never needed help but everyone is not me.


 

My kids have temporarily moved back out of need, too.  In this case, the info given is that she doesn't need to, is working, and is more than capable of taking care of herself but just doesn't want to.  She's also a parent and doesn't have a choice but to be a grown up.  Adulting can be difficult.  

 

 


 

 

We are only seeing one side of the story.

Go back and re-read the original post.

All of her descriptions are her opinion.

The BF has been spoiling her all her life & is not happy is the only possible fact.

I think the OP has her own issues, she needs to let this family work it out in their own way.  

I left home at 18 and never, not for a day, went back.   By the grace of God.

The last time my DD was living with me, she moved out when she found out I was not going to be a 24/7 babysitter.    Boundaries are a great motivator.

 

If the BF has no boundaries now, he never will, in any situation.   Might be time to think about cutting the cord.