Mom to Mom

[violann]

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@Kachina624 wrote:

I hate silly-sounding babyish names.  How about Grandma Mary and Grandpa John?

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You are TOTALLY entitled to your opinion!

My opinion is based on not knowing whether my cherished GS would ever say a meaningful word or not.

"GaGa" rang in my ears like a Beethoven Symphony, and my husband, his Pakka, felt exactly the same.

GS now, at 6, is a well known orator among his Kindergarten buddies, but I'm still his GaGa.

[qbetzforreal]

It really doesn't matter.  Let your son and his wife handle it.

[chrystaltree]

I do know two step families that due to divorce and remarriage resulted in multiple sets of grandparents for the children.  I don't know who got to choose first but in your situation, the third set of grandparents should work it out with the baby's parents.  There are many names for grandparent, they can even make up something special.  

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[Growing]

I think it is best to set our own expectations aside. Do not expect the birth parents to do as you have done or anyone else has done.  And it really is between the baby's parents and the other person, or other grandparent. We GP have no control and don't get to decide.  This is one of those times we have to step back. The old ways don't seem to work any longer, young people have their own ideas. Let son do it how he wants to and there will not be conflict. I'm not fussing at you, I've just seen how the old ways of doing and being that were common among our families are no longer in service. And I've seen a lot of odd family conflict over this kind of stuff. No longer do parents get to decide or even make suggestions to their adult children in many family situations. 

[paixmcdao]

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@Growing wrote:

I think it is best to set our own expectations aside. Do not expect the birth parents to do as you have done or anyone else has done.  And it really is between the baby's parents and the other person, or other grandparent. We GP have no control and don't get to decide.  This is one of those times we have to step back. The old ways don't seem to work any longer, young people have their own ideas. Let son do it how he wants to and there will not be conflict. I'm not fussing at you, I've just seen how the old ways of doing and being that were common among our families are no longer in service. And I've seen a lot of odd family conflict over this kind of stuff. No longer do parents get to decide or even make suggestions to their adult children in many family situations. 

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I would certainly hope that young people have their own ideas. There are so many generalizations being made in your last sentence. 

[SurferWife]

My husband is adopted and never even wanted to know who is birth parents were.  His adopted parents were his mama & daddy.  He has always said no need to meet birth parents (his adoptive mama & daddy knew who they were).

As far a names, it should be up to the mama & daddy.  I don't understand why there needs to be a discussion with anyone else, natural or adoptive parents.  They should name their child whatever they want to name him or her.

[candyagain]

I say have each grandparent let your son and daughter-in-law know what they'd like to be called. Kids will figure it out. If duplicates the adults can add the last (or first) names to the person.

In my family Nana on one side, Grandma and Grandpa on the other. My dad was a German teacher in his second career and he wanted to be called Opa. And he was.

[CalminHeart]

Handle it however your son wants. 

I have to tell you a funny story. My grandkids call me Gramma Debbie. Over Christmas the 3.5 yr old called me Gramma W, as in Doubleyou. I looked at my son and we both just grinned. 

[JeanLouiseFinch]

Although there isn't an actual adoption involved, I see your situation as somewhat similar to ours. Our daughter is marrying someone with children by a prior marriage.  The kids have two sets of natural grandparents plus bonus grandparents in their step-dad's parents and soon us.  Right now, if the kids say our names at all they call us by our first names because that's how their dad refers to us.  Most of the time they just start talking without actually addressing us.  After the wedding, DH and I are hoping they will be open to calling us something akin to Grandma and Grandpa, but different from what they call their natural grandparents as we don't want to take that name from anyone, nor do we expect it to be the same title as our other granddaughter calls us.

Your son and wife need to decide how involved they want the bio grandparents to be and the names they want to establish for their child to call them. It's not important to have it set in stone before the birth, but worthy of a conversation.