Mom to Mom

[shoppinggirl12]

How do you guys shut off the anxiety??  I am having problems with my son, and my daughter is flying to Europe all by herself next week.

I think I may need medication, It is taking over my life/

[sweetee2]

You didn't say how old they are. I have a married son that's 35, a daughter that's 39 that just moved home and a son that's 41 who has a great job who has never left home.

You never stop worryng about them. I learned when they get to a age they are on their own and what ever choices they make they have to live with. I stay out of their business. This is hard, but it's also easier.

[chrystaltree]

We mothers always worry about our kids.  Regardless of how old they are, they are always our kid.  You didn't say how old the kids are, you didn't say if you have reasons to worry.  I'll assume that you have normal adult children who are going about their lives and you can't get your head out of "mom" mode.   It's generally something that is done in phases; as the kids get older we worry less and less as we have more confidence in their ability to make good decisions or to get themselves out of any bad predicaments.  We know that they will come to us with any serious problems.  It woulds like that didn't happen for you and you get all worked up about everything.  I don't think you can just stop, cold turkey and if this is taking over you life or burdening you or interfering with your relationship with your kids;   you need to see a therapist.  Not because there is something "wrong" with you.  A therapist can explain why you are in "worry" mode and can give you some coping mechanisms.

[Carmie]

The most difficult thing a mother ever has to do IMO, is let go of her children.  We raise them to be be self sufficient and must let them make mistakes and also make good choices and do good things.

Even though we gave them life, we must allow them to live it.  When they are adults, they are accountable for themselves.

Yes, I still worry at times, always have, always will.

[drizzellla]

Sorry - it doesn't end. No matter how old your kids are. Your kids are going to do what they want but it isn't always what you would want for them. So sometimes you sit back and bite your tongue and wish them well.

My Dad was very sick in a nursing home. It wasn't that long before he died. And he said to my husband "where did I go wrong?". He was referring to my brother. He bailed my brother out many times over the years. And it wasn't until after my Dad died that my brother worked things out in his life.

So here is this man in his 80's still worried about his kid. It just doesn't end.

[dex]

@shoppinggirl12@I have one child a 31 year old son and I struggle with worry too.He always tells me to “just stop it”He says ”you waste your time worrying.You will have plenty of time to worry if something actually happens.”I always try to remind myself of those words and it does help.I know I can spend too much time with unhealthy worry but that won’t change fate.So the only advice I have is if your children aren’t living life making immoral,unhealthy or dangerous choices...in the words of my son”just stop it”

[NicksmomESQ]

You never stop worrying,period!! I have a wonderful 26 year old son.He was a joy to raise & continues to be the light of my life. We are very close.

   That being said he’s a grown man.I always give him my opinion & sometimes he listens & sometimes he doesn’t.It’s his life. He needs to live it. But of course I worry all the time. I will never stop.Sometimes I worry so much I have a panic attack.Then after things play out I see that I worried for nothing!! But there I go again worrying about something else.

   Don’t be so hard on yourself.You’re only human.You’re a good mother!! I found if you let them fly they will always come back!!

[wonderfulworld]

Not to be a downer but I find the worries continue with grandchildren, also. Just another generation to be concerned about.

They are a joy for sure but when they have issues you worry about them and about your child's worries about their child.

Personally, I find that the joys outweigh the worries of having adult children but when they are having a big problem (like divorce, move, job) you are right in the boat with them, so to speak. I think this depends also on the closeness of the relationship.

I think this is just an instinctive response that helps families bond and take care of each other. Today's society issues with violence, drugs, morality just add to the pressures and worries of getting through life. Anxiety is a fact of life but I think that once your daughter gets to Europe ok and you see some happy outcomes to things you worry about you will gain some perspective. Wishing you good luck and happy outcomes!

I find exercise, yoga, meditation tapes ( you tube has some great ones for anxiety).

As I get older (children in late 30's) I know that i will grow to need them more and become more dependent on them as my mother did with me. I find great comfort in that support system.

[shoppinggirl12]

My kids are grown.  Both are in their 20's.

My daughter is a pretty good kid, has a good job, but sometimes doesn't make the best choices when she meets guys. She is also somewhat of a risk taker.  No drugs or anything, but just has no fear.

My son, I am struggling with.....he just moved out with his girlfriend and his personality is different, he is taking adderroll (he does have prescription) but hes talking fast and is very happy.  He is a quiet kid, so this has been a change.  But I don't know, maybe hes happy because he has a new place, and he did a good job fixing it up.  We went over there last night. 

But I have terrible anxiety.

[PamfromCT]

You are a mother forever.  Yes, I have gone through times where I was very worried about my daughter and son.  I think what got me through was my faith and prayer.  Everyone got through just fine eventually.  Both my kids are in their 40s, but now there are two grandchildren now, good kids, doing well, but I could worry endlessly about their futures.

You deserve some peace in your life.  You have to have faith in your children to pass through tough times and make rational decisions.  I never interfere with their lives and would not do so unless it was a desperate decisions.

Right now I could be very worried about my 10 year old grandson.  Because of his grades and assessments, he was given the opportunity to transfer to a special school with advanced programs.  He wants to go, and his parents have agreed.  I am concerned that he might feel pressure there.  He is still a little boy.  I want him to have a normal childhood.  But I am trying hard to be philosophical about this - it works out or it doesn't.  

There was a time I was very worried about my 5 year old grandaughter.  SImply put, she is just a beautiful little girl.  always hear compliments from other parents wherever we go. Well, that is nice, but I was so worried she might attract some nut who might try to snatch her.  Crazy to some people, I was very concerned.  She has been trained the way we train our children nowadays, so I have pushed this aside,

I am prepared I may be accused of bragging.  Not so.  Just an example of what may be surfacely be considered wonderful yet could be a source of a lot of worry,

I am trying very hard to be positive and optimistic.  I am 73 and DH is 77.  LIfe is full of ups and downs, but incessant worry will destroy peace and happiness, as well as destroy your health.