Kitchen

[house_cat]

..... how do you determine what time to tell them to arrive?

For instance, if I know we'll be eating at 3 pm, I will tell my guests that we'll be eating at 3 pm, please arrive around 2 pm.  Of course I always have appetizers or snacky things so no one starves to death on my watch.  I am an organized cook, so the meal is usually ready within minutes of when I planned.

I do understand there are extenuating circumstances, but so often, like yesterday, we were asked to arrive around noon. The host knew I was bringing a hot dish.  My grown son was also invited, and although he had a busy day planned, he accepted out of respect for our hosts, because he was appreciative of their thoughtful invitation.  

We arrived about 12:30 and my son arrived around 12:45.  The host served some crackers and artichoke dip, but there was nothing else to be had until after 3 o'clock when dinner was served.

I know that this post is likely to make me sound ungrateful.  I'm sorry if it sounds that way. We love these people and we had a warm, friendly Christmas Day together.  However, this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened to us. My brother and his wife, as well as my BIL and his wife, have often held us captive for several hours, waiting for dinner or the birthday cake for our nieces and nephews. 

Is there a rule of etiquette for this? 

[Still Raining]

Wow, I have never been held captive waiting for a meal.  Even by my BIL.

[house_cat]

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@Still Raining wrote:

Wow, I have never been held captive waiting for a meal.  Even by my BIL.

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I used the term "held captive", but of course we were free to leave. However, after waiting several hours with squirrely, cranky children of our own, it would be very rude to leave before a meal was served or before celebrating the birthday to which we were invited.

I kid you not when I say that more than once we arrived to my brother's home, to find him or his wife out shopping for the food.  Another time, we arrived at my DH's brother's house to find the birthday cake still in the oven.

[50Mickey]

Usually the meal should be served not longer than 30 minutes after the requested arrival time. However a noon meal on Christmas might be a little early and your hostess was not prepared. Probably she should have served more substantial appetizers. Was she just flusterd trying to get the meal together or did she sit around and socialize? Did you ask her if there was anything that you could help with? Maybe she is just more relaxed than most about meal times. I think 3 hours is an excessive wait. 

[house_cat]

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@50Mickey wrote:

Usually the meal should be served not longer than 30 minutes after the requested arrival time. However a noon meal on Christmas might be a little early and your hostes was not prepared. Probably she should have severd more substantial appetizers. Was she just flusterd trying to get the meal together or did she sit around and socialize? Did you ask her if there was anything that you could help with? Maybe she is just more relaxed than most about meal times. I think 3 hours is an excessive wait. 

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She was not the least bit frazzled or overly busy. I brought a couple of dishes of my own, at her request, and I offered to help, but she made it clear that she was fine on her own.  She clearly intended for dinner to be served after 3 o'clock, which makes me wonder why she would invite us to arrive so early.

[nomless]

I don't think it matters what the rule of etiquette might be.....it doesn't sound like the people you mention would abide by a rule of etiquette.

[stevieb]

@house_cat I knew exactly what you meant by the phrase 'held hostage'... You couldn't very well leave but you also didn't plan to spend the better part of the day awaiting dinner... People are different. Some folks like to invite guests and play it by ear as to when they'll serve the meal while others stipulate a time and more or less stick to it. What I've done in the past is ask nicely not 'what time to you want us there' but 'what time will we be sitting down to dinner'... throwing in something along the lines of wanting to save my appetite for their delicious meal.

[kittyloo]

i think that it really depends upon the guests. 

i generally say what time i am serving. say 2. i'll say come around noonish, and have several hardy snacks.  

i am pretty organized when it come to entertaining. i like to have everything prepared in advance.  if someone is late in showing, depending upon how many guests are invited, i may hold up the meal for 30 minutes. then we proceed without you. 

[Group 5 minus 1]

We were told the meal would be at 5 pm. Didn't eat till 6:30. Not good.

[chickenbutt]

I don't actually know what the etiquette would be, but it seems to me that having people arrive an hour, at the most, before dinner would be most appropriate.

Three hours before the planned dinner is just wayyy too much, IMO.  Way!