O/T - DH's Family Wants to Move Close to Us

HonnyBrown · ‎11-23-2013

Fellow Foodies, I don't even know what to think about this, much less how to handle it.

My husband's family is very trashy and I can't stand the air they breathe. I know that's wrong, but it's how I feel.

My MIL, niece whom she has custody of, SIL, her son and boyfriend are all considering moving to our state, county, city, zip code, something too close!

I can't even wrap my brain around this.

Get your flu shot...because I didn't.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

Hugs to ya!

I feel fortunate that pretty much all of my inlaws are DEAD. All he has left are a few cousins around the country, but none anywhere near here. He doesn't have to deal with outlaws either because all I really have, with whom I'm in any contact, is my father.

The so-called mother told me, about 10 years ago, I would not be hearing from her again which is fine. She can't handle the truth so I was unsuccessful (and stupid) trying to patch things with that self-loathing, cruel, hateful hot mess.

donasmom · ‎03-09-2010

My two cents worth: you cannot stop them from moving close to you. You can set up some guidelines as to what you and your DH will accept. Such as " must call before coming over". "no discussions re.....". Then should they not observe these guidelines it will be easier to ask them to leave your house, etc.

Remember: they are your DH's family. If you will not allow them in your home, then should he want to see them, your shouldn't not forbid him to do so. He can meet them for coffee or lunch.

Morbid curiosity on my part would love to know why you consider them "trashy", and if it were your family, would you want your DH to stand in the way of your seeing them.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

Uh oh!!

'cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Help them move! As soon as they are settled in YOU MOVE! FAR away!

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

On 1/13/2015 chickenbutt said:
Hugs to ya!

I feel fortunate that pretty much all of my inlaws are DEAD. All he has left are a few cousins around the country, but none anywhere near here. He doesn't have to deal with outlaws either because all I really have, with whom I'm in any contact, is my father.

The so-called mother told me, about 10 years ago, I would not be hearing from her again which is fine. She can't handle the truth so I was unsuccessful (and stupid) trying to patch things with that self-loathing, cruel, hateful hot mess.

I'm sorry to hear this. Family isn't always what it is cracked up to be for many of us. Like you, I'm about out of family on my side because I was one of those late in life kids.

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

I totally understand, some families are difficult. I would be very upset if my dysfunctional family moved near me. I suppose you can't stop them but your husband needs to tell them that you all have separate lives, no matter if they live close or far away. Family or not, some people are toxic. If they don't add joy to your life, you don't need them. Don't invite them over!!

scotnovel · ‎12-31-2013

I certainly don't know the specifics of your previous dealings with your in laws or anything about what kind of people they are. However, it doesn't sound like you have any intention of welcoming them or of even being civil to them which will probably only lead to problems.

How does your husband feel? If he is pleased to have his family closer and in his life a little more, maybe you should make some effort to be welcoming, and to forget old issues. My own MIL did not like me because her only child left home to marry me, never called me by my actual name (using a name that was close but not mine), and would often carry on conversations with my spouse as though I wasn't even there, sometimes saying things about me.

However, I didn't care about any of that, she was my husband's mother and he loved her and she loved him. He had almost no other family so we saw her frequently and when she came to our home, often to stay for a week or two (once for more than a month), I always welcomed her graciously,spent time with her, and was nice to her, choosing not to stoop to her level. That meant a lot to my husband and that is what mattered to me.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

Your correct when you say this hatred is not right. How does your DH feel about having them nearby? You and he need to discuss this open and honestly and then make a game plan you can live with. Marriage is about compromise.

Jump4joy2 · ‎03-11-2010

Don't get yourself too upset yet! It may not happen! Maybe they won't find a place they can afford, etc. Perhaps they will sense that you all are not happy about their potential move to your area. If they do move to your area, you and your husband will need to set guidelines regarding visitation, etc. You did not say how he feels about their possible move. This info is very important!