Don't Bring Food to My Party--

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

One of the most hotly contested discussions that often comes up about now is bringing a dish to a party without the hosts knowing. What do you think (a pot luck or family "do" isn't what we are talking about here but invited party with hosts doing the dinner)?

So here is what Southern Living sent me this morning--and I agree with them. Except for a small host gift? Pretty dish towels or pot holders, but not candles or food--too many allergies and dislikes these days on those. And I hate having to stop what I am doing and find a place for unexpected food, get serving pieces, etc.

From Southern Living: While your intentions are good, don’t assume your host is simply trying to be polite and show up with a dessert or side dish “just in case.” Your host has invested time and energy into planning a thoughtful menu and bringing your own dish forces them to include something in the assortment that may not be harmonious with the rest of the meal. A more sensitive host may even feel insulted by an unrequested dish, as it could signal that you don’t believe your host’s offerings will be sufficient. Of course, that’s not to say that you should show up empty-handed; a small gift, like a candle or a nice bottle of wine for your hosts to enjoy later, is always a smart idea.

We rescue cats · ‎01-25-2023

I agree with it, 100%. Often folks have everything planned and are aware of allergies and sensitivities so they make sure that the food they are offering is either noted as having an ingredient that needs to be pointed out for the attendees. I often attend and then send the host or hostess a bottle of wine as thanks later that week.

Lynn-Critter Lover!
(especially cats!)

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

Most of our get togethers are with family. Everyone brings something. No food allergies that I'm aware of.

I'm not interested in going to a fancy dinner party with other guests. Not my cup of tea.

walker · ‎03-26-2010

I agree with you @Sooner and Southern Living message as well. I do not bring food unless I am asked. I might bring a bottle of wine. Or, better yet, lately I have been bringing some nice breakfast muffins or bread for hostess/host to enjoy next morning after busy day of preparations.

@We rescue cats .... your note of thanks and/or bottle of wine is very nice as well. Who would not appreciate a hand written note of thanks? Very thoughtful.

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

I have always called the hostess/host and ask if I should bring something. I dont remember a time when I just showed up with food unless the invite said to.

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Sooner

ITA COMPLETELY!

Thank you for sharing this!

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Nightowlz wrote:
Most of our get togethers are with family. Everyone brings something. No food allergies that I'm aware of.
I'm not interested in going to a fancy dinner party with other guests. Not my cup of tea.

@Nightowlz Who said anything about a fancy dinner party? What about dinner with neighbors, church friends, garden group friends,even family etc. It doesn't have to be fancy, just when someone invites you to eat, you ask if you can bring something and they say no, then do what they asked you to do and don't bring food. That's what this is all about.

It's about respecting the people giving the dinner and if they say they have everything, then taking their word for it.

Puggywuggy · ‎04-19-2022

Unless my host requests that I bring a certain dish to the gathering, I simply bring a nice host/hostess gift. A few days after the get together, I send a handwritten thank you card.

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

My dinner parties are always with family, we have a routine to have a group text to see if things are needed. I am usually assigned to bring something but If they said no I would not bring a food dish I would bring wine since we all like that.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Sooner

Years ago I decided that it's best for me to call the Host directly. I'd always ask if there was something I could bring .... other than my usual charming self, of course.

If he/she didn't need anything brought, I'd always default to bringing either a bottle of wine or a small box of Godiva chocolates.

If I brought chocolate, I always said "this is for you to enjoy when everyone has left and you can sit and put your feet up. Enjoy."