Kitchen

[house cat]

He's slim and I'm not.

He eats to live and I live to eat.

His relationship with food is so much healthier than mine.

So last night, after scarfing down a ridiculous amount of Super Bowl snacks, I asked for his help.

Yep. I asked him to help me change my eating habits and be my nutritional adviser of sorts. He never comments about what i eat, but when I asked him this last night he had a whole list of suggestions ready in his head. I guess it's all the things he's been thinking and never said.

Now, I'm getting worried.

Have any of you ever been in this type of situation, with one of you being the Food Police?

[just bee]

Sounds a little like my relationship with Better-half. He smoked, I didn't. Then one day I noticed that he was smoking so much that I was suddenly sensitive to the smell. My concern was for his health, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be critical.

Out of the blue, he decided to stop smoking. He had to make that decision on his own without prodding.

I know if someone criticizes me and "suggests" that I change for them, I turn stubborn. Criticizing someone for what they eat is a personal thing and it feels like an attack no matter how well-meaning it is. I'm struck by the fact that your husband hasn't commented about it.

A person who's passionate about something (and I guess for him it's eating right) will burst when asked a question about the topic. Sounds like he was just offering his help/advice.

This could turn bad if you let yourself take it personally. Or it could be a really good thing if you make it an adventure. Take his support, follow his advice, and stick with it.

He may be happy about your choice to make an important change in your life. Make that change together.

[house cat]

Thanks, just bee. You have good advice.

Dh and I have always been best friends, I know that sounds cliche, but we actually grew up together and have been best friends all these 35 years. He'd never be hurtfully critical, but I do tend to take most things very personally. I'll be careful about that.

[violann]

My husband is a HUGE help and support for my eating issues, because through the years with me he's come to understand that NO ONE wants to be a disordered eater, and that although the answer may seem simple to someone who doesn't have the problem (stop eating garbage), the answer is NOT easy, and if it were, I wouldn't have the problem I have! He provides ongoing support without giving orders or telling me what to do. I LOVE having him onboard with me!

[fthunt]

Asking somebody else to 'police' your eating habits is childish. If he does agree to 'police' you - one day you'll snap and the real fights will begin.

Grow up - you are an adult - take the responsibility for YOUR problem and solve it!

[RocketMom]

Good luck Cat! Just Bee has offered sage advice, it could be good or bad. If he is understanding and constructive, it might work, but I can see this as being a real problem, especially since he was just waiting to give you advice. It can become a real annoyance, especially if he is not doing it with you.

fthunt, Wow, take a chill pill girl! The last thing someone who has decided to make a life change needs is criticism and judgement. Often having a coach helps, I just don't know if DH would be the best choice in this instance.

[debic]

On 2/3/2014 house cat said:

He's slim and I'm not.

He eats to live and I live to eat.

His relationship with food is so much healthier than mine.

So last night, after scarfing down a ridiculous amount of Super Bowl snacks, I asked for his help.

Yep. I asked him to help me change my eating habits and be my nutritional adviser of sorts. He never comments about what i eat, but when I asked him this last night he had a whole list of suggestions ready in his head. I guess it's all the things he's been thinking and never said.

Now, I'm getting worried.

Have any of you ever been in this type of situation, with one of you being the Food Police?

You put yourself in the 'situation' I don't see the problem. It's kind of tacky to refer to him as the food police now. If you don't want to know the answer to something, don't ask.

[JustJules]

First of all, I think it's really great that you want to change your eating habits to eat healthier, so congratulations on that. You mentioned that you and your husband are best friends, and that is the way it should be. After all your years together, he obviously loves you and accepts you the way you are, if he didn't he would have been critical of you along the way. I think there is a big difference between asking someone that eats healthy to give you guidance and direction, rather than them being your "food police". Just bee's advice was great... take it as an adventure. This journey could really be a bonding experience for both of you. Have him help plan the grocery list, your meal menus, and perhaps even cook together. Just don't be too hard on yourself, take it one day at a time. Your own eating habits happened over time, and it's hard to change, it won't happen overnight. Be proud of yourself for asking him for help. I bet this becomes a positive experience for both of you.

[Classylady]

Congratulations on making the decision to change your eating habits and make a difference in your well being.

You've made the first step with communication with hubby and it sounds as though you have a close, trusting relationship. So keep talking and make a plan for grocery shopping. It's key to not bring home the unhealthy snack foods.

It will take some time I'm sure but I'm also sure you can accomplish your goals with support.

Hubby and I have been married for 51 years and yes, I married my best friend. We've been though alot in those 51 years but have always supported each other 100%. He's the one that has had some weight issues over the years and we changed the way we shopped, the way we cooked and it worked.

Good luck

[chrystaltree]

Oh, heavens. I would never in a million years ask my husband to be my food cop. I certainly don't "eat to live", I have a lifelong weight problem but I actually eat a rather healthy diet. It's just that I have a fluky metabolism and a carb sensitivity and I'm on thyroid meds. And I'm 54. All that combined makes it incredibly easy for me to pack on the pounds if I stray from a lean protein/fruit/veggie diet and hard to lose weight when I get back to basics. I'm 100 pounds less than I was 20 years ago but I'm 25 pounds over where I should me. Where I feel and look my best. My husband eats well and is very active but he's a guy. He's very supportive of me at whateve weight I happen to be, my weight has never been an issue between us but other than offering moral support and praising my weight loss, he can't help me lose weight. I'm not saying it can't work for other couples, I just know I'd never put that reponsibility on my husband.