Kitchen

[Sooner]

On 3/20/2014 lilypad3 said:

I'd say spend 75% of your time studying. I married my college sweetheart. The education lasted, not the marriage. Young women today need to value their education and not have to depend on someone else to provide for them.

I agree that women need education and skills to carry them through life, with or without men. I thought that 40 years ago and so did my mom. However, college is a great place to meet guys. FAR better than the workplace! There is no reason to not have a good time AND get a good education! And if you find the love of your life, even better.

[cerinthe]

I think that when someone finds real love, you shouldn't turn it away just because you're a certain age, whether its 20 or 40 or 80.

If you're lucky enough to find it at 20, good for you. 40? Fabulous. 80, why not?! You can't "plan" a great partner walking into your life.

[Porcelain]

Thinking back on the couple guys I dated in college--thank goodness I didn't marry them! I had no idea what I was doing.

If you want to regret something you did in college get a trendy tattoo, don't get married.

That said, my grandparents met that way and made a great couple. But times and expectations have changed. We can mourn the good parts of the past but we can't ever go back.

ETA: Come to think of it, my parents met that way too. And they eventually divorced. Worked for the previous generation and then didn't work in the next.

[azterry!]

On 3/20/2014 suzyQ3 said:

On 3/20/2014 CJC said:

On 3/20/2014 bonnielu said:

Interesting post. I am from the generation who did go to college for the MRS degree and a day has not passed that I have regretted that mindset. Good marriage after all these years. Four beautiful daughters and many wonderful grandchildren. And I did have a career for myself along with three degrees. I see nothing wrong with it. I was able to find someone of like mind who valued me as both a homemaker, mother and career woman.

I could not agree more. I guess you and I are relics from the stone age when meeting a guy in college who had intelligence, ambition, values, and character was an admirable goal right along side that degree. Many of my friends and sorority sisters married their college beaus, and none of us are divorced. It's a far cry from what I observe today....serial divorces; children and grandkids with several different combinations of parents & grandparents; celebrities getting pregnant, then thinking about getting married MAYBE and being proud of that; single parents living in poverty; bar hopping & online dating, and on & on. Give me that college guy in my physics class any day!

There's nothing wrong with meeting your soulmate in college. I met mine when I was still in high school (he was a college guy). It's probably one of the biggest social settings you'll ever be in, so of course you might meet someone.

But that shouldn't be the reason or impetus for attending college. It is, first and foremost, an institution of higher learning, not a matchmaker site.

I guess I think it's a shame for someone to take up a much-desired seat in a classroom if that person is solely interested in the dating material.

As an aside, my mother was of the mindset that college is a waste for girls because they'll just end up married with kids anyway, so what's the point. Thankfully, her point of view spurred me on even more to get into a good university, get a degree, and use it.

I hear you on that one, Suzy.

My father was the same way. He paid for my younger brother all the way through a PhD. I was on my own.

If you happen to meet your partner in college or even high school, more power to you. If a woman attends college ONLY to find a husband, I would say the title of this book should be "Marry Smart...Divorce Dumb". If a woman has no skills or knowledge to make it on her own, she's playing Russian Roulette with her life.

[ccassaday]

Both of my sister's got married a weekl after graduation from college. One met her husband while a senior in high school the other when she was a freshman in college. Because their boyfriends were a couple years older they liv ed at home to save for a house. None of them lived on their own before marriage and it didn't make them any less successful in their careers or how to handle to finances. You can't force the timing when it's the right person.

[BeckiWV]

Sounds like something from the 1950's. I watched the movie "Where the Boy Are" just last week. It is a fun movie but so dated (I love it anyway).

The girls in that movie spent the entire spring break trying to get themselves married or at least engaged. Paula Prentiss' character came right out and said she wanted to be a "baby making machine", LOL.

[suzyQ3]

On 3/20/2014 ccassaday said:

Both of my sister's got married a weekl after graduation from college. One met her husband while a senior in high school the other when she was a freshman in college. Because their boyfriends were a couple years older they liv ed at home to save for a house. None of them lived on their own before marriage and it didn't make them any less successful in their careers or how to handle to finances. You can't force the timing when it's the right person.

But the issue is whether a woman should go to college in order to find a husband, not whether it's a bad thing to meet someone there. The implication behind the former is that women's main "career" is finding a man.

No, you can't force the timing, but to go a bit O/T, some do believe that it's optimal to have a little bit of life under your belt. Your sisters (and I) were very lucky. My husband and I managed to grow in similar directions.That is not always the case.

My daughter met her husband in college. But they didn't marry until she had finished law school and had passed the state bar exam. At that point he had almost finished his PhD. She was 27 and he was 28. That seems to be a very common age range these days, whereas in my day (horse and buggy) nobody thought twice about 18-year-olds getting married. I prefer today.

At my grandchildren's elementary school, I don't think there are any moms in their 20s; most are somewhere in their 30s or early 40s. That may be a function of where we live, though.

Of course, if a girl wants only to be a wife and mother for the rest of her life and has no interest in higher education, then all of this might be a moot point. I just wince at that girl taking up a seat in a university if she truly has no goal other than finding a man. The only saving grace I can see is that maybe a course here or there may change her mind about things.

[house cat]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that I think the women's liberation movement was good and bad for our society. Yes, I believe woman should get an education. I have a Master's degree, thank goodness, because my husband is currently out of work and I can support us. It does seem though, that in my parents' generation, men were a little more careful about switching jobs, changing careers and taking risks because they knew they were the breadwinners and there was no option. Nowadays, they seem to know they can fall back on the wife's salary. In the meantime, the whole family is losing out by not having the mom at home. I don't believe that husbands are better off now with over-worked, over-stressed wives. Woman should have options, I agree, but the pendulum has swung way off in the other direction and to the detriment of the family unit, in my opinion.

I guess my rant is a bit off the subject. I suppose what I'm saying is that we might have been better off before when couples valued marriage more and roles were more traditional.

[house cat]

Sorry - dupe

[Reever]

Actually more women are now attending college than men, so maybe the advice can apply both ways. I just don't think we will ever go back to a breadwinner and a stay at home parent. Salaries just haven't kept up with the cost of living and almost everyone requires 2 people working and bringing money in. it's a luxury few people can afford having anyone can be at home -- man or woman.