Kitchen

[fbm2lsm]

On 3/20/2014 stevieb said:

On 3/19/2014 sunshine45 said:

i didnt even want my daughter spending any time looking for a boyfriend in college let alone a husband! i wanted her to do well and focus on her schoolwork and look beyond the four years. i want her to be strong, be smart, and be happy all by herself before she worries about having a husband.

she is 21 and i hope she is in no big rush to get married anytime soon......i would prefer her to wait until she was closer to 30.

I agree. While it's important to also enjoy college and have some fun, mix with friends and date, and learn to coordinate the various aspects of life, marriage much before 30 these days just seems like such a mistake.

Our son just married New Years Eve at the age of 30, he married a woman that is 31, has lived on her own and advanced in her career. This is what I would want for my daughter. She does not "need" a husband. He was in school a long time, (law school) wanted to be established and a homeowner. They are off to good start.

[Sooner]

I have not read this but I will say:

I think it is easier on a marriage when people who share a background marry. Therefore someone you went to college with and you would have common experiences and perhaps a more common bond and outlook.

I think it is important to marry someone who has the same goals in life: family or not, and an economic situation that will satisfy your expectations and not under-achieve or hope to far exceed what is possible.

I think it is easier to marry when you are younger and grow together and be more tolerant to another person's ways and both be more adaptable.

I think it is really easier to find someone you would love and love to live with when the pool of people is as big as it is at college. Afterward, so many are married and it is much harder to meet people.

It is more fun to marry when you are in the glow of college and you can have a few years of fun after you graduate and as you start your careers than a few years later when the stresses are greater and you are more set in your ways.

[sandy53]

My son met his wife at college and they were married several months after she graduated. They have now been married 5 years. I know that my son would have a very tough time finding someone to date, let alone marry, where he is now living and working. I'm glad they found each other during college. They both have good jobs in their fields and had their first baby this year.

[Porcelain]

Why is this advice just directed at the females? If it's so beneficial, why doesn't she tell the college guys to goof around and mostly concentrate on finding a woman at school as well?

Seems like she's ignoring the fact that education is crucial later on for women as well as men. It's retrograde advice, designed to get press attention, that assumes divorce doesn't happen and that women never have to be the sole support for themselves and their families and--sometimes in the case of layoffs--even their husbands.

[Marienkaefer2]

Most if the guys I knew in college were not looking for a long term relationship. Many had their own issues. So, no, I never met anyone in college that I would have considered marrying.

I agree with HH on this one. Build your life. If you follow your own interests, you will find the person who also shares those.

[Marienkaefer2]

On 3/20/2014 Porcelain said:

Why is this advice just directed at the females? If it's so beneficial, why doesn't she tell the college guys to goof around and mostly concentrate on finding a woman at school as well?

Seems like she's ignoring the fact that education is crucial later on for women as well as men. It's retrograde advice, designed to get press attention, that assumes divorce doesn't happen and that women never have to be the sole support for themselves and their families and--sometimes in the case of layoffs--even their husbands.

Oh yeah, and don't even get me started on the women I know that are the main support for the family, and not by design.

They just have husbands that seem to still be "finding themselves" and have no interest in a career or steady job. These women are stressed, have the responsibility of carrying the financial burden, benefits, and being the main caretaker of the children. "He was so cute and smart back in the day..."

[focksie]

In this day and age, I think it would behoove every woman to focus on her studies in college so that she has the ability to be independent (both financially and emotionally) for the rest of her life.

[pinkskates4]

I think the smartest thing that a young woman or a young man can do is find a life partner who shares your values, who shares your love of learning, who shares your intellectual curiosity, who will applaud you, who will encourage you, and who you can grow with and evolve with through the decades.

Sounds like good advice to me.

Also love her - don't have marry a dumb guy for s*x because the s*x won't last and he won't get smarter.

[DoneTryin]

I suppose if a woman's main goal in life is to marry well, then finding a husband at college is the way to go. Most women these days put marriage & family on the back burner while they pursue other goals like a solid career & financial independence. Anybody ever see a book or article directed at young men about finding a wife at college?

[Marienkaefer2]

Seems like a lot of money to spend to find a man. Student loan debt....hmmmm.