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[RedTop]

My mother is 88 and in the later stages of dementia.  I am not particularly happy with the appearance of her home right now.  

Like so many other things, Mom doesn't remember the hours she spent cleaning in the past, and doesn't remember the house still needs to be cleaned now.  Everywhere I look something needs to be done, and in my head I want to load up my cleaning supplies and make everything clean and shiny.  But out of respect for my mother I will not barge into HER home and do what makes ME feel good, when I know how it will make her feel.  

My brothers and I are doing our best to let Mom live in her home, her way, as long as possible.  I do make it a point to have to go to the bathroom when I'm there, and do a quick clean in there with Clorox wipes, and one of my brothers does the same when he visits.   The rest of the house will remain untouched for now.   

I need the memory of my mother being happy in her home in her last days on this earth, and knowing I did my part to help achieve that for her.  

[cindyNC]

Well, I used to care a lot more about houskeeping.  

Even though she is so active, it still may be physically difficult for her to clean or take a lot longer than normal.....which can be frustrating. Or maybe she realizes that life is becoming too short to worry about cleaning.  Like you said, physically, she is well-kept and clean. I hope you can find somebody to help her. 

[homedecor1]

Our oldest son & gd surprised us with a visit Sunday staying the week.   That's wonderful but knocked all my plans out of whack.We've had out of town company every weekend since 1/14.

In between I've "cleaned" but not completely thorough cleaning.

They showed up & we had weekend guest, therefore, no turnaround time just changing sheets & freshened bathroom.

my goal this week was to do some thorough cleaning NOT he's telling me those dust bunnies will be here even after I die -- relax & enjoy life it's short!

Wish I had Aunt Hildies   thought process I'm sure it'll come in due time  😉😉

[Flatbush]

@homedecor1 

I find it hard to have over night guests. It seems as if they stay one night or a week, it's all the same with the clean up and washes afterward. My shower is a real problem, I have to show them how to get the curtain to stick to the tile so water doesn't come gushing out the side. That is just one example.

I have an old house and we do things a certain way to save trouble.

I love seeing them but wish they could stay in a hotel or motel.

The older I get, the harder it is.

[kate2357]

@Flatbush @homedecor1 

I totally understand about house guests and the extra work ... ugh. When my husband and I travel to visit relatives we almost always stay at a local hotel or b & b. Partly to save on the extra work for relatives and also because we have our own routines/habits and I do not want to impose our getting up early, for example, on another household.

Now at the family beach house, having lots of guests is expected and I just roll w/ whatever comes up. Because 4 families share the house, it's not totally up to me to keep the house looking fabulous/clean/organized at all times.

Re: Aunt Hildie, spoke w/ my husband last night and he's going to speak w/ his brothers about putting in an air filter for the whole house (that was a great idea) and to see if there is someone they know who could be a companion that Auntie would like. If not, we are going to see if she would be comfortable w/ an outside service coming in and cleaning every two weeks or so. It is up to her and her comfort level about having someone in her home. Totally understand. I do believe she would like a less dusty house but just doesn't want to be bothered doing it herself. Also understand that ... dusting in not my favortie job either.

[LindaSal]

When we moved my MIL into assisted living a few years back I was astonished as to how filthy her apartment was.  Physically she was just beginning to decline.  The funny thing is she would always say she cleaned her small apartment every day and when you went over it looked fairly clean.  But whoa, when we started moving things and packing we saw she must have never moved the knick knacks as underneath them the table was a totally different shade!!   Under the bed was a disaster too, I could go on and on.  Anyway when the movers had just about everything on the truck she expected me to stay and "spring" clean the place so she could get her deposit back, I said okay I'll stay and take care of it.........after DH left with her to follow the moving truck I simply locked the door and turned in the keys, yikes!

[lynnie61]

I dust, although, not like my mother did!  Every other day.  Nope, doesn’t happen here.  

When I saw the title on this thread, it reminded me of a sad story my friend told me years ago.  Her older great aunt had just passed away,  and while they were cleaning out her house, they found many, many, many $100 bills tucked in window coverings in the hems of curtains.  She didn’t have a lot of money in her life, but must have been saving it and hiding it for quite a while.  They said the fabric curtains never seemed very clean and fresh.  She lived a very frugal life, so it was very sad.  Too bad she didn’t splurge on herself once in a while, but many that grew up in the depression didn’t have much and didn’t want to spend.  

[RedTop]

@lynnie61 

Every person I've known with dementia hides things, especially money.   Every one of them also reached the point of not comprehending money.   

My mother is now one of the above.   I urge my brother not to give her more than $50, as she has no need to have cash, and she can't keep up with it, because once she runs across it, she hides it somewhere else.   We will have to search thru everything after she's gone to find all she's hidden in the house.  

Every month when Moms bank statement comes, my brother opens it and tells her how much money she has, and she always looks at him and asks if that's enough to pay her bills!   The look on Moms face wouldn't change if he told her she had $2 or $2 million dollars.  

[HonestLife]

After reading all of these comments, I'm left feeling a little freaked out. I really hope that if/when I'm in my last years of life, none of my family members would feel ashamed of my housekeeping, let alone share it with others. I guess I need to consider a dedicated housekeeping account for my future and tell my children about it so as not to be a disgrace. Good to know these things now. 

[ECBG]

@kate2357 

If I may make a suggestion, usually services clean every two weeks.  They usually deep clean the first time then maintain.  They don't straighten and put up, they clean, change the sheets and do tasks like that.

You can find wonderful people on Angie (formerly Angie's List) which have references and reviews.

I use Maid Pro.