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[scotnovel]

My MIL died when my husband and I were in our mid 20's.  He was an only child and so we were left with the task of taking care of everything.    She had lived in her house almost all of her life as had her parents and none of them had ever purged anything.  The basement was full of shelves completely covered with glassware and various collectibles.  There were cedar chests filled with items that I'm sure had sentimental meaning to her and/or her parents, but, in almost all cases, we had no idea what the meaning was & masses of other things.    

It was a big deal partly because we were both young and had never dealt with anything like this and we both worked full time and lived a few hours away.  For several weeks we spent every extra minute drving back and forth sorting through things getting the house ready for sale etc.   I learned at that point that so many of the "precious" things that we all keep around have no meaning whatsoever for those who are left behind.   Shortly after that we had to help my mother, under similar circumstances, when my grandmother died.  

From those two experiences, I vowed that I would not leave that kind of mess (for lack of a better word) behind for my heirs to deal with.  For me it is the memories in my life that are meaningful not the things so I don't accumulate unnecessary stuff and I don't have any trouble purging.  

[jlkz]

@scotnovel

Having emptied several houses of " collectors and savers ", I know that it's hard work.  DH and I spent many weekends driving up to his parents' house to get it ready for sale...we couldn't count the # of heavy duty black trash bags we filled.  At least with the other houses, I was able to drop donations off at different thrift shops, give to neighbors, etc.

Memories not things are the way to go....and then unfortunately we may get robbed of the memories towards the end.  Point: enjoy life now and make your memories and help give memorable moments to others.

[Mominohio]

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@mousiegirl wrote:

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@Mominohio wrote:

UPDATE 

I went up to mom's this morning, and she had been at it again. She condensed some things, and I took three big plastic tubs that bird seed had come in and were being used for holiday storage, plus 4 decorative boxes from Tova and Temp-tations that she had saved 'just because they were pretty' but had nothing stored in them. 

She was so proud of deciding to eliminate that stuff all by herself.

And she has her linen closet emptied, as I've been asking her about her sheets for awhile now. She got a new mattress and box spring, the great big thick kind, and I suspect that her older sheets won't fit (I know mine didn't when we got our new bed). I wanted to help her go through those and get out the ones that she'll never use again.

At 80, I'm just assuming that this will be the last bed (mattress and box spring) she will buy, but her grandma lived to be 102, and basically sat down and died. So, with the current life of mattresses (10 years, is it now?), it would be wonderful if mom lived to need another new mattress or two!

Gotta love moms.

@Mominohio  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all go that way.  I have always thought that everyone should live long, and just go in their sleep, no pain and suffering.

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@mousiegirl

I, too, wish that whenever out time is to be, no matter how much or little time we are given, that no one had to suffer. Just go to sleep, and move on to the next world. 

I guess that making that happen is not in our job description.

[Mominohio]

A big thanks to those of you who have been so kind about my handling of the situation. It has been much more enjoyable and gone much easier than I expected.

My mom has been my rock my whole life, and sometimes it frightens me knowing that I may have to go on in life without her. Loosing a parent is never easy. I lost my dad at 18, but I know when (if) I loose her, it is going to be so much harder. I think the older we get, the harder the losses are.

I try to remember when I get frustrated with her (because she has been a somewhat difficult person through the years, but in many ways is mellowing somewhat), that if I'm lucky, I'll be in her shoes some day. I will have lived a long life, been independent and the one people counted on, taken care of myself and my affairs very well for many years, but need a little more time, understanding, and some help now and then. I hope that my son, or who ever might be in my life at that time to assume the role I have now with my mom, will foresee that they too, will be wearing those shoes someday, and be able to assist with patience and kindness. 

[Mominohio]

It has been over a week now that we completed the clean out at my mom's.

While I expected her to have some regrets about what we took out of the house, she has only pulled one thing back in, and that is a down blanket. She said the bed was much colder without it. She thought the other two would be more than enough, but turned out not so.

Since the things were just packed up for a garage sale, it wasn't hard to find at put back on the bed. 

Just a suggestion, but for those who struggle with parting with things, and if the space is available, pull those things, and box or bag them up, and let them sit outside your living space (like in a garage) for a short period of time (a week to a couple of months if waiting for a sale).

It allows you to experience the freeing aspect of being shed of the clutter, knowing that if you made a mistake (like really needing that blanket), it is still there and can be easily rectified. But don't let it sit so long you start to bring it all back in!

At any rate, she is speaking daily about how great her access to the closets and cupboards are now. She can walk into the closets and access anything she wants, without moving and shoving things around. Things that were 'hidden' under beds or behind things because there was no closet space for them are not there, but properly stored, and her oven is fully functional, empty and ready to use.  She kept telling me (beforehand) that it couldn't be done, but it was, and she it not regretting it one bit, or missing anything (except the blanket) that went out.

Success!