@house_cat wrote:
@Mominohio wrote:
I have resorted to throwing away the stuff they won't pick up. I'm serious, I do it. And they have to fish it out of the trash, if they notice in time.
Some rather nice things have gone to the garbage because of this, and you think they'd learn.
Either way, it makes my life better, they either get it put up and away or it goes out the door. Either way, it isn't making a mess for me to look at or deal with any longer.
I fantasize about doing this, but wouldn't dare. I couldn't possibly afford to replace the things my husband leaves laying around the house, and even if I could, I think it's disrespectful. He's not good at putting things away, but he does a million other things for me that are priceless. I'm not trying to criticize, as you sound like a lovely homemaker, wife and mother. I'm seriously curious about how your family reacts when you do this.
I know it sounds mean, but a good portion of it they never miss. A lot of it is mail, junk that accumulates in their pockets and they just dump on an end table or the counter, an old ball cap, shop rags that they have hanging out of their back pocket, the seeds from the last batch of cherries that someone thinks they are going to plant, receipts from the last auction they went to, spare screws from a project in the shop,etc. In general, I live with a couple of adult males that have the habits of a 9 year old when it comes to pocket fulls of junk. They tend to pick up something, anything, and think it needs to come into the house.
My husband's reaction has been to pick stuff up and keep it out of my sight in his shop (That is a whole other mess, and out of my control).
My son, I don't really care his opinion. He is almost 20, and in our house, if you are contributing to the family in positive ways, you are welcome to live under our rules. One of those is that the place is kept cleaned up, and your stuff is organized and put away. I've been throwing away what he doesn't keep cleaned up since he was a child, and while it hasn't broken him totally of the habit of leaving things lay, he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on when it is missing. It has prompted him to get his own small shop in town where he can keep his projects and junk.
They are both pretty good about checking the trash cans regularly!
And as for replacing the things thrown out, it doesn't happen, unless they pay for it and go get it themselves.
I would never throw away something very important or expensive like a cell phone, or legal document that was important. I still have a small amount of things that have to pick up after them, but the 'stuff and junk'....not gonna do it. And that important stuff, when they ask "Where is ....", I simply state that I don't know. When they have to really go looking for it, it makes them think twice about leaving it lay again.
Never cured and always an endless battle, but it would be so out of control if I didn't take a hard line about it. I don't care how they keep their shop (barn) but the house and surrounding property are going to be clean and organized.
I understand your comment about feeling it disrespectful. And if it was only a few things, and good and useful things at that, it would be disrespectful to throw away things when someone is very accommodating to all your other needs.
But if you could see the quantity of just plain junk (they both go to auctions to buy and resell scrap metal, and end up with other 'stuff' that they think they need to keep) that ends up out of their hands and laying around, you'd realize it would only take about 6 months for us to become an epic award winning episode of Hoarders. I feel justified that they are disrespecting the hard work I do at creating a home and keeping it clean and inviting when they continue to bring in things and just leave them lay.
This is much more than the remote not put back on the table, or a screwdriver left on the kitchen counter after fixing a cabinet hinge or dirty socks left by the couch when they go to bed (and all those things happen at times too). It is up to 30 things a day, most of which have really no real value to me or the everyday existence of the house and property. brought in, left laying, and if I didn't deal with them, they'd be in the same spot for eternity. I know because every once in awhile, I leave a little something lay where they last dropped it. It is still there weeks and weeks later.
Love them both, but these are the kind of guys that when I die, would probably be found dismanteling transmissions and engines on the living room floor with no one here to stop them.
Respect is a two way street.
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