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[Witchy Woman]

@gidgetgh 

Just reread your post and found myself wishing I could be there to help you and give you a hug.

My husband is a builder and has a huge garage and more stuff than you can imagine.  It makes me shudder sometimes thinking of getting rid of those things...his things.

Cannot imagine what you are going through and have gone through.

No words of wisdom, but sending positive thoughts your way.

[gidgetgh]

Well, it is almost done.  800-got junk had openings this afternoon and they just got here.  First picture is what they are taking.  Also, a large cabinet, not pictured, and my husband's recliner which is not in the basement. I did ok.  My stepsons were pretty somber at first and I got a little choked up and then we got to work and I am ok now.  Well, a little iffy on the recliner emotion wise, but I took a picture of it and the picture will do just fine.  All that you see pictured is heavy and bulky.

 

[queendiva]

@gidgetgh: hugs to you. You will start a new week with a physical and emotional burden lifted. You have completed a difficult task.I admire you for that.

FINALLY. Today I dropped off three full kitchen trash bags of clothes for a fundraiser. The bags have been living in my garage since last year: pandemic cleaning. I missed a similar donation opportunity last week and actually tossed one more bag in the trash just a day before reading about this one on FB. Oh well- story of my life.

I hate to add clothes to a landfill, even old ones, if some organization can sell them by the pound and earn some $ in the process.

As usual, I am working on another box for thrift donation. I will clean some jackets today for donation next week. It has been too warm here for even wearing a sweater, let alone any outerwear, but it's time. LOTS of clothing has gone out since late summer as I have purged more than just stuff from around here. For the past nearly 18 months I have purged many pounds- still a work in progress_ and as a result I have had to replace almost all of my wardrobe. I credit years of purging for leading me in part to lighten up my body as well as my home.

Sold some items to a resale store for a few dollars last week and turned around and used most of the proceeds to buy a cute, stretch velvet  tunic that I will enjoy lounging in this winter.

[KBEANS]

Dear @gidgetgh 

Your post is so beautiful and poignant! I became very emotional as I was reading it. I understand your feelings because I am still going through this with my sons belongings. I can't even dream of parting with any of his personal items. He had a lot. 

I did the flea market today and I didn't sell a thing of his. I did sell everyone else's stuff though. I just can't do it now.  I don't know if I ever will be able to.  I'm having a hard time even considering donating. It's been 3 years. 

My husband has lost some weight and so he is fitting into some of my sons things now and I am ok with that.

I may take his shirts and make a hand made quilt with them. He was a snappy dresser and has so many wonderful items.
I can't bear to think of a stranger with his belongings.

For this reason I have been decluttering our stuff. At the flea market, I sold many Christmas items; ornaments and such. I did give the Christmas tree to the porter from his building because I won't be decorating anymore for the Holiday. 
My life is a sad mess since his death.

When I first joined this thread I was unable to share with you, my forum friends, that it was my son that died. I said someone very close to me died.  Now I have allowed myself to open up. It was too painful to share such personal feelings with strangers. You ladies on this thread no longer feel like strangers but more like friends. I have seen the support you give to one another and me and it is tremendous and incredible. 

I am glad you were able to get everything done. I am proud of you @gidgetgh I wish I could be there to give you a big hug!

🤗 😘 

Kbeans

[queendiva]

@KBEANS: a million virtual hugs for you. So very sorry for the loss of your beloved son.

Yes, we are all a family of sorts here.

[gidgetgh]

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@KBEANS wrote:

Dear @gidgetgh 

Your post is so beautiful and poignant! I became very emotional as I was reading it. I understand your feelings because I am still going through this with my sons belongings. I can't even dream of parting with any of his personal items. He had a lot. 

I did the flea market today and I didn't sell a thing of his. I did sell everyone else's stuff though. I just can't do it now.  I don't know if I ever will be able to.  I'm having a hard time even considering donating. It's been 3 years. 

My husband has lost some weight and so he is fitting into some of my sons things now and I am ok with that.

I may take his shirts and make a hand made quilt with them. He was a snappy dresser and has so many wonderful items.
I can't bear to think of a stranger with his belongings.

For this reason I have been decluttering our stuff. At the flea market, I sold many Christmas items; ornaments and such. I did give the Christmas tree to the porter from his building because I won't be decorating anymore for the Holiday. 
My life is a sad mess since his death.

When I first joined this thread I was unable to share with you, my forum friends, that it was my son that died. I said someone very close to me died.  Now I have allowed myself to open up. It was too painful to share such personal feelings with strangers. You ladies on this thread no longer feel like strangers but more like friends. I have seen the support you give to one another and me and it is tremendous and incredible. 

I am glad you were able to get everything done. I am proud of you @gidgetgh @I wish I could be there to give you a big hug!

🤗 😘 

Kbeans

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@KBEANS - now I am the one in tears.  It all sounds so routine, just words, but I am so sorry that you lost your son.  I can't even imagine.

As for his things, you just do what you want to do, what you are comfortable doing and when you want to do it.  Grief is such an individual process.  No right or wrongs.  It is just something you have to get through.

I am a very emotional person.  I thought I was prepared for my husband's death.  He was so sick for quite awhile.  So it was no huge shock when he passed away, but still, it was in the middle of the lockdown and it was just horrific.  I still have trauma from it I think.  Maybe I always will,  I thought, well, I'd lost both of my parents and survived that (though I grieve for them still, years later) so I was just positive that the grief for my husband would be along the same lines. I was so wrong about that.  Like major miss on that one.

In terms of possessions, you just do what you want to do.  I was able to power through clothing and other things just a few weeks after he passed away.  Then my stepsons and I did probably 2/3 of the basement a few weeks later.  And then an awfully long pause, too long a pause till today.  But I had to get it done.  I'm moving and the new house doesn't have a basement, and I have no need for power tools and things like that.  But it was hard, as I mentioned.  Dismantling a life.  

You talked about your sons things. What I got tripped up on were my husbands shirts.  He didn't have that many, but I kept all of them.  Then I had them made into throw pillows.  Some for me, one for each of my stepsons and one for our grandson.  Love the pillows. Then I had leftover shirt material and I just couldn't part with it.  Found another company that made different throw pillows.  Had 2 made for me and I just adore them.  It brings me a lot of comfort to look at them.  So I had 2 more made for my stepsons and you know what????  When the time came today, I couldn't part with them. Just couldn't do it.   Now they didn't even know about them so no biggie, but I have 2 for myself. Why couldn't I give one to each of them?  I don't know that I'll ever be able to do it.  And then, when I got the pillows done, it took me weeks to be able to throw away the remaining shirt scraps.  But I was finally able to do it.

I still wear my engagement and wedding rings.  I just can't "go there" and take them off.  I still feel married. Maybe I'll wear them the rest of my life.  Maybe I'll stop wearing them tomorrow.  I am just going to go with the flow on that.  So, on your son's things, just do....or don't do.....what feels right to you and when it feels right to you.  Those feelings may change over time and it will be easier to move some things on, or maybe you'll keep them forever.  There are no rules.  

You said in your post "my life is a sad mess since his death". Now that I understand completely. So is mine.  I just haven't quite been able to "right the ship" yet.  One of the reasons I am buying a new house is to see if maybe that will jump start me somehow, help me find my way a little.  See if I can find me again.  Maybe not a happy me, but at this point I'd take a little bit of contentment and peace.

Anyway, I am droning on as I tend to do but I wanted to reach out to you after I read your post.  I care and I am pulling for you to do well, in your own time.  You never get finished grieving but hopefully in time, you and I will both learn to live with it and adjust and come to some acceptance. Feel free to reach out to me any time if you'd like to.  Take care.

[aprilskies]

@rnmom, thanks, nice, I am not so sure. I somehow became the holder of all the family photos so I dont want to toss everyone's childhood pictures. It wouldnt feel right. What I should have done before one of my siblings left the area is bring everyone together and let them go to town if they so chose. But, it is a project that I started, I just have to remember I need to get that done. I put them away in the closet and, you know, out of sight out of mind. 

Same with paperwork. I got such a great start but then forget to continue.  But, I will and just do it slowly. Winter is around the corner so I will hibernate a bit. 

As far as the flow, yes, absolutely right. I have really stopped it the last few weeks, except for organizing stuff, I am trying not to bring a lot in, even groceries.  Today I looked through my vanity cabinet and found my foot file that I knew I bought but couldnt find a month ago, so figured I didnt buy it. I since bought another foot file so it is just a waste of money.  In looking through the cabinets, I am finding full sized products I forgot I even had. So, no more skincare products. 

Part of the problem is I am not organized at all and put things all over the place, as much as I try not to. But, I am really a visual person, If I dont see it, it might as well not be there. 

Oh well, onward.  I am so glad to see you posting. I wasnt sure if you made your way to the other board as of yet. I was thinking about you and wondered if you and your family completed furnishing the camper. 

[aprilskies]

@gidgetgh @KBEANS, I too am sending warm thoughts your way.  I cant imagine the loss you are both feeling. While a bit different, I lost my father this year and the feelings I had and still have, have been surprising.  The emotions were very difficult to deal with. While it is a bit easier now on some days, still very difficult on others. But, my family and I keep him alive by impersonating his antics which now are even funnier and we get a good chuckle.  

I helped my mom clear out all of his clothing basically right away. My mom isnt sentimental that way which is good because it needed to be done. She would of just been reminded of him every time she opened the closet.  It is hard enough seeing her so upset and crying but at least not seeing his things on a constant bases helps. 

Throw pillows. What a great idea. I know folks make throw blankets and quilts, but I like the idea of a throw pillow. 

Peaceful wishes to both of you.

[gidgetgh]

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@aprilskies wrote:

@gidgetgh @KBEANS, I too am sending warm thoughts your way.  I cant imagine the loss you are both feeling. While a bit different, I lost my father this year and the feelings I had and still have, have been surprising.  The emotions were very difficult to deal with. While it is a bit easier now on some days, still very difficult on others. But, my family and I keep him alive by impersonating his antics which now are even funnier and we get a good chuckle.  

I helped my mom clear out all of his clothing basically right away. My mom isnt sentimental that way which is good because it needed to be done. She would of just been reminded of him every time she opened the closet.  It is hard enough seeing her so upset and crying but at least not seeing his things on a constant bases helps. 

Throw pillows. What a great idea. I know folks make throw blankets and quilts, but I like the idea of a throw pillow. 

Peaceful wishes to both of you.

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@aprilskies - it is very hard to lose a parent.  Sending my condolences to you.  Peaceful wishes to you too.

[Snicks1]

@gidgetgh, @KBEANS, @aprilskies
(((HUGS))) to all of you.