DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster,... - Page 4

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

I think it's cutting off your nose to spite your face to not consider moving. You are telling us about all the problems with where you are, why on earth wouldn't you want to move? What's the point?

A house is just a house--you make it a home. No house is perfect and yours sounds very far from it. I don't see a point in waging war to stay in one in that condition.

But if your mind is set against it, no you will not find happiness in another house no matter how much of an upgrade it might be.

As others have said, it ain't about the house. That makes absolutely no sense to say it's the house. Maybe you should keep the house and let your husband live in another one. . . how would you feel about that?

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@MildredM

I agree you need help, and lots of it.

The real question is in whether you need a marital fix, or a housing fix. I can’t imagine that a happy couple can live in a house for 25+ years and not make improvements to their comfort zone, beyond roof and air conditioners. That says a lot to me. My husband and I built our house 38 years ago, worked like dogs to pay it off in 11 years, and have built on, updated what we started with, made it handicap accessible so we can age well here, and still have 2 updates in the works.

To have been together as long as you obviously have been, and cannot agree on the house you have, or agree on buying another house after 2 years of looking, just sounds like there’s more problems than a house can fix. I say look at each other and figure it out.

sann · ‎05-30-2012

I would already had the redo completed, and if he didn't like it then that's just too bad.

cindyNC · ‎08-01-2019

@MildredM I am so sorry for what you are going through. You haven't mentioned ages, health care concerns, or if you have adult children who factor into things. Is this a first marriage?

My BF is somewhat the same way. The house is very small, will be left to his sons. My furniture is in storage and other than the rent I pay, I refuse to contribute to housing upgrades. He had two previous marriages etc....

I hope for your sake that you have some money in your own name.

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

You can easily hire people to get the work done. I need a new facet I order one online and hire a plumber to install it. Done. DH does not care as long as he does not have to do it.

Another thing to consider.

Property values change all the time, things are fluid. You may want to sell now while the market is hot because in the blink of an eye that can change then you have a disaster of a house in a NOT hot area.

Build a similar house (layout) in a new neighborhood if the neighbors are nasty. Leave and enjoy your life.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@MildredM ...you have quite the dilemma! How about selling, sounds like you will get a good price out of the house/lot....buy a small piece of property and build a new home with the square footage you want. The house would be new, nothing for DH to fix/repair.

I understand you don't want to move but I would not enjoy living in a house that is falling down around me...or honestly you do not sound happy, maybe thinking about where you are at emotionally in this marriage is the answer.

nikkisaunt1 · ‎05-11-2011

More than likely the neighbors see you and your husband as two people who don’t take care of their home. I don’t think they care that your home is smaller than theirs but a deteriorating property doesn’t make for a nice neighbor. You have a decision you need to make. You have buyers interested now and can get good money for your home now without putting any money into it. That can go away as real estate markets can change. Next year no one may want the house.

If you don’t want to sell now, you should be fixing the house — not to increase its value but to make it more livable for you. If you are going to stay in it, then things should work and be repaired promptly. It sounds like there have been a lot of excuses not to do what should have been done over the years.

I agree with the others. You have a marriage problem not a real estate one. It may be time to deal with that as well. I wish you the best.

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

@MildredM

Your DH wouldn't have to worry about moving because I would have put his ##### out already!!!

25 years of this is more than I would take! When something is broken or needs repair I call the service guy.

If I was your neighbor and the outside of your home was in disarray believe me I'd be knocking on your door😠. The way people keep their homes (no matter the location) certainly devalues others properties!

As for you asking for "help" it's obvious you allowed him to control the situation until now it's overwhelming you☹️.

Time to speak up & take a stance IMO.

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

I wouldn't want to leave your location either. It's time for you, @MildredM , to spend some time browsing in hardware stores.

Explain your faucet, or floor, or sagging door, whatever. Tell them you want to learn to fix it yourself. They'll be very helpful.

Some big hardware chains have 'classes' to teach "do it yourself" to homeowners. Nice place to meet others who either like to, or have to do it yourself.

There are weekly radio programs that give household maintenance and repair tips. Look them up!!

Would you have time to volunteer for habitat for humanity? You'll meet plumbers, electricians, stone masons, carpet layers, etc.

Think of them as people who know people you want to meet...maybe your future contacts?

And use GOOGLE and YouTube to see others do what you need to learn to do.

You'd be surprised at how simple some stuff is.

Like I always say, you can't break it if it's already broken, so you might as well try to fix it.

Start now with a small easy project. Plan a few more for next year. Give yourself time.

Start buying a few tools. Tell your husband you're going to fix some things yourself.

And don't think you can't.

Don't take "can't" from anyone.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

I get it, you love your home, but let's get real here, your husband is never going to make any improvements and if you're retired then being in the best school district is meaningless and is absolutely no justification at all for remaining. To be perfectly honest, you've given in to him this long and that pattern is not likely to change either. It's not ideal, perhaps, but sell the place and move to a home that meets most of your needs and that doesn't need any work at all because it's not going to get done. At least then you'd have the potential to live in a house that functions and be reasonably comfortable.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...