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Super Contributor
Posts: 254
Registered: ‎08-02-2019

DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

When we moved into our current home over 25 yrs ago my DH made multiple promises to redo the kitchen, change out the flooring, etc, etc, etc. Now 25 plus years later I can say that nothing has been done. Whenever I bring it up he just says that the house will be scraped by the next owner because all the value is in the lot. This is true because all the recent sales in our neighborhood have been scraped and giant houses built. By giant I mean 6000+ sq feet. Our house is 3300 sq feet and is considered tiny. I've gotten hate mail that our house is bringing down property values in the neighborhood.

 

Problem is I love my house. The location is wonderful, the schools are the best in the state, it is large enough I don't have to see my DH unless I want to. We are retired so we don't need more room. The house is an old fashioned block build that is stuccoed. The new homes are wood and chicken wire. The floor plan of my home is perfect for our life style and I only have a neighbor on one side. Nobody in back and the house is on a corner. It is wonderful having a bubble of privacy around the home. 

 

My DH doesn't want to do a major remodel and I don't want to move. So for the last 15 years he has let the maintenance of the house slip and has not had things (except roof and air conditioners) repaired or replaced. For example, I  lived with a cracked enameled kitchen faucet for 5 yrs by wrapping tape around it. It got so bad that I was tempted to run the outdoor hose though the kitchen window to have water. 

 

All the new houses in my neighbor hood are over our budget and way too big. The new homes outside my neighbood are so close together a person sneezing at the end of the street will be heard 3 blocks away. The lots are so tiny the neighbors roofs aline with the wall in the backyards. 

 

We have looked at houses, new and older, for two years and cannot find one we both agree on. 

 

I need help, lots of help. I feel DH is doing this non maintenance to force me out of my home. I am insisting he abide by his promises.  HELP!!

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,620
Registered: ‎09-22-2010

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

You know what they say about real estate - Location, Location, Location!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,058
Registered: ‎06-07-2010

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

Why can’t you hire someone to do the repairs? Buy a new faucet and have someone install it. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 54,410
Registered: ‎03-29-2012

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

@MildredM 

Can you hire a home inspector to assess all of the things that wuld need to be fixed before it could be sold?  That might help advance your cause.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,654
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

There is not much we can do or offer to help your situation.  If it were me I would have called a plumber after a few days and had the faucet fixed.  I most likely would have had new flooring, etc installed too.

 

IMO hubby knows you will live with and put up with anything so he will out wait you and he has won for the last 25 yrs.  You and you alone have to decided if you are going to continue to live in a deteriorating home or move with or without hubby.   Its a hard and disconcerting decision you are faced with.  I wish you the best.

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)
Super Contributor
Posts: 254
Registered: ‎08-02-2019

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

The buyer would not be interested in the house, just the location of the lot. The developers/builders won't even bother to come into the home. I get multiple requests each week to sell. This is exactly why DH doesn't want to do anything expensive to upgrade or fix the house.

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,341
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

Goodness, a lot going on!

 

Given your side of things, I agree with your husband. You'll probably never get your money back, if you do a lot of repairs and upgrades now. You need to look at your home from the practical\ financial aspect now.

 

As for the last several years of nonmaintenance, you need to own that as well as your husband. Five years of a leaky faucet? You could have called a plumber.

 

I vote move. Get as much out of your as-is home and move.


-- pro-aging --


Rochester, New York
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,937
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

I would start calling people to give you estimates on things you want done. Tell DH you have looked for another house & have not found one so you are gearing up for renovations like it or not.

We will be doing the same thing if we don't move. I would love to get away from our slob neighbors but we have not found anything else we want either for the price. If I have my way we will be moving out of state.

Super Contributor
Posts: 254
Registered: ‎08-02-2019

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

We finally did get a plumber to install a new faucet.

 

Also went without a cooktop for 5 yrs as I wanted gas and he wanted electric. For 5 years we had a one burner induction to use. Needless to say not much cooking was done.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,725
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

Re: DH wants to move and I don't, house is a disaster, HELP

I'm not sure why you have stayed in the marriage. Sounds horrible to me, it sounds like you are miserable everyday. I would have changed that a long time ago. You deserve to be happy and need to stand up for yourself.