Holiday

[panda1234]

---

@ChynnaBlue wrote:

If you're looking it is as how much you should be expected to give, I'd urge you to look at it another way. Gifts shouldn't never be about expectations and you should never give more than you're comfortable with. My grandparents had 4-6 grandchildren, depending on which side, and I got a small check (much less than $100) and a card and was happy to get them because it meant my grandparents were alive and well enough to write cards and checks. I never asked what my parents got, if anything. But even as a kid I understood that grandparents were on fixed incomes and I understood. My memories of my grandparents are all about the times I spent with them, not the money they sent me or the gifts they bought me. I remember that my maternal grandmother always wrote out my first name and Beth as my middle name, even though my middle name is Elizabeth. She was the only one who wrote it as Beth and I always remember that fondly. What I don't remember is how much money she sent or what I spent it on.

Focus on the things they will remember. I'm sure it won't be the money.

---

Beautifully wwritten and oh so true.

[SunValley]

I do a Christmas stocking and modest gifts for immediate family. My friends and I agreed to stop exchanging and instead enjoy a holiday meal together (but we do exchange for birthdays). I do not have a closet of gifts waiting to be distributed to postman, garbage men, nail tech, dog walker or other people QVC has put on my gift list. My siblings and I exchange cards and phone calls. I also support a needy family every year.

Everyone has to do what is right for them. I feel sorry for folks who get pressured to go into debt or spend money that is needed for necessities to keep up with other family members' expectations. A single acquaintance of mine was so upset because her brother expected her to spend the same amount individually on each of his 5 family members as they did on her one gift, and he could not see how this was a strain on her. I suggested she buy a family gift and call it done. Easy for me to say.....

[Mominohio]

---

@RedTop wrote:

My siblings and I no longer exchange Christmas gifts, and insisted that Mom stop gifting to us years ago.   It just didn't make sense once we were older with adult children, and everyone was buying whatever they needed anyway.   I still buy for my one nephew, and my brothers still give gifts to my two daughters.  We do focus on helping Mom with what she really needs, and this year we will be stocking her pantry for winter.   At 81, Mom does not leave the house during flu season, and bitter cold weather.   

---

My mom is 80 and this is the best kind of thing people can do for many older people in their family. 

I convinced my teen son, last Christmas, to give his grandmother 5 large cases of bottled water. She doesn't drink her tap water, and uses bottled water. It is hard for her to go to the store and buy it and haul it into the car, out of the car, into the house, store it etc.  So he bought it, stored it in our garage next door (to where she lives), then all winter, when she needed some water in her fridge, she called him and he took it up and stocked it for her. It was the best gift she got. Someone to do for her, what was needed, but difficult for her to accomplish. Very little money, but lots of help.

[Mominohio]

The older we get, the more important it becomes to stay within a budget that allows us to continue to be able to provide for ourselves for as long as possible. That may, for many, include scaling down the amount of money we spend on things like gifts.

But, those gifts can still be more dynamic than we might get by spending more. 

Start giving things that will become heirlooms.

Nice ornaments for the kids to take with them when they leave home and remember you by. Make them relate to your relationship with them, your family heritage or something that will make them stand out throughout their lives. Not the generic thing Q would sell, but even perhaps something you make if you have the talent.

Books. And again, heirloom type ones, signed with a nice note inside as to why the book is chosen just for them. 

Avoid toys and electronics available in stores. They will all be next year (or the year after's) garage sale fodder. If you do choose a toy for the youngest ones, choose something handmade or that will stand the test of time. My mom used to by my son handmade wooden toys made by the Amish. They are beautiful works of art, but were played with and enjoyed, became decor in his room, and have been saved to use for generations. 

Cut back the gifts and take the kids to the latest kid movie during the season and out for pizza. Depending on the number of kids you take, that could easily cost much less than trying to buy multiple gifts for each child. 

Think quality not quantity. This may be a hard change, but one nice gift trumps several things that are inferior and discarded in short order.

Let them know the cut is coming, so they know, and their parents can explain ahead of time, if you think this will be an issue.

[Sister Golden Hair]

Christmas should never cause stress in your life.

Christmas is a time for family getting together and having fun.

Almost all my family is gone and I miss the wonderful meals my Mother would make and the games we played.

Of course, we always bought for the children, that's a given.

The adults would bring one gift that could be for a woman or man.

The fun was being able to buy the best gift for the least amount of money.

Since you had all year to shop, we came up with some great gifts.

Just feel blessed to have your family because I miss mine and I cherish the good times

[Group 5 minus 1]

My best friend and I decided some years ago to stop gift giving. If we want something we buy for ourselves. It has worked out very well. I really think the whole gift giving has gotten out of hand.

Why is it necessary to buy for the children? Most of the children we know get more gifts and generally by Jan 3 are done w/them. We almost always give gift cards. That way the receiver can get what they need.

[Spurt]

I don't have children, so I would really spoil my neice and nephews with Christmas gifts when they were young, plus gifts to my brother and sister in law, of course my mom (didn't mind spoiling her)......plus my other brother and sister, aunts and cousins.....and then there were friends and co-workers....the whole thing got out of hand......

Some family members have passed on and the budget required for Christmas became more of a burden for many, instead of a joy,.  Now my gift giving is very limited--my sister, a few close friends (who are like sisters to me), and a couple of close co-workers.  It's just a small minimal gift or donation made to their favorite charity.....

I was invited to a friend's Christmas party and gave a DVD movie as a family gift to each of her 2 children's families......(I checked first to make sure I got a movie they wanted and didn't own)......Perhaps that's something you could do @Mom2Dogs just a movie as a family gift, but certainly the children and family members should understand your financial situation and understand and not expect gifts from you, besides Christmas should be more than just gifts.....the religious aspect (if you are so inclined), and being with family and friends...that is what matters most....

[Spurt]

---

@ChynnaBlue wrote:

If you're looking it is as how much you should be expected to give, I'd urge you to look at it another way. Gifts shouldn't never be about expectations and you should never give more than you're comfortable with. My grandparents had 4-6 grandchildren, depending on which side, and I got a small check (much less than $100) and a card and was happy to get them because it meant my grandparents were alive and well enough to write cards and checks. I never asked what my parents got, if anything. But even as a kid I understood that grandparents were on fixed incomes and I understood. My memories of my grandparents are all about the times I spent with them, not the money they sent me or the gifts they bought me. I remember that my maternal grandmother always wrote out my first name and Beth as my middle name, even though my middle name is Elizabeth. She was the only one who wrote it as Beth and I always remember that fondly. What I don't remember is how much money she sent or what I spent it on.

Focus on the things they will remember. I'm sure it won't be the money.

---

@ChynnaBlue  So true CHYNNABLUE, since my grandparents lived out of town, we were THRILLED as kids, to just get our own Christmas card with $5 in it........I remember more the visits of my grandfather---spending time with him

[Spurt]

---

@staciesmom wrote:

A few years ago at Christmas, I suggested to my in-laws that rather than buying gifts for each other at Christmas, we adopt a needy family through our church, and anonymously give them a wonderful Christmas. My suggestion was met with dead silence. I never brought this idea up again. Both DH and I as well as my in-laws buy whatever we want all year long, and we end up giving each other things none of us wants or needs, and the money would be so much better spent helping someone who is truly needy. For some reason exchanging gifts is sacred to them. DH and his sister have birthdays 2 days apart, she sends him a $25 gift card and he sends her a $25 gift card. So silly, but for some reason they still do it.

---

@staciesmom  I had to chuckle at your post---one of my cousins married into a family like that---his wife's family consisted of 5 siblings---and they were just INSISTENT that each person get a gift (even if it's just a pair of socks they said)....so his wife's grandparents, her parents, brothers and sisters, their kids, and now grandkids all have to have gifts---and then on Christmas Day all the time it takes to unwrap them since each person gets their own turn to unwrap all their "treasures", despite the young kids that are waiting, whinning and getting antsy---and when my cousin and wife suggested drawing names--DEAD SILENCE---not a very Merry Christmas....he HATES Christmas because of this....

[Eliana]

---

@Mominohio wrote:

---

@RedTop wrote:

My siblings and I no longer exchange Christmas gifts, and insisted that Mom stop gifting to us years ago.   It just didn't make sense once we were older with adult children, and everyone was buying whatever they needed anyway.   I still buy for my one nephew, and my brothers still give gifts to my two daughters.  We do focus on helping Mom with what she really needs, and this year we will be stocking her pantry for winter.   At 81, Mom does not leave the house during flu season, and bitter cold weather.   

---

My mom is 80 and this is the best kind of thing people can do for many older people in their family. 

I convinced my teen son, last Christmas, to give his grandmother 5 large cases of bottled water. She doesn't drink her tap water, and uses bottled water. It is hard for her to go to the store and buy it and haul it into the car, out of the car, into the house, store it etc.  So he bought it, stored it in our garage next door (to where she lives), then all winter, when she needed some water in her fridge, she called him and he took it up and stocked it for her. It was the best gift she got. Someone to do for her, what was needed, but difficult for her to accomplish. Very little money, but lots of help.

---

My mother also stopped giving gifts in the last few years.  She can't afford it and everyone has what they need.  My siblings and I go in together on a large gift that she can't afford on her own.  One year it was new tires on her car; another year a remote starter for her car; one year a new stove.  This year she has a different car, and it will be a remote starter again.