Holiday

[Mom2Dogs]

We put money back each week to pay for Christmas.....as the family has grown, I have not added additional dollars to the total sum we spend...I might add a bit but nothing I have to 'save' for.  As grandparents, I wonder how much are we expected to give?

Yes, I know it depends on the family budget but...sometimes I think I should spend more  (husband does not think we should) but the kids get so much that I feel what I purchase is just another gift.....this year the big kids (married children) will get a couple hundred dollars, and we will spend about $100 on each grandkid. Now we have a great grandchild...love the kids but it's going to become a budget buster soon, ha!

I lost coverage of my health care so in 2016, I will be paying for it going forward....the cost was a huge shock...my husbands insurance also went up, it never ends.

I am just curious what others think........

[GingerPeach]

Dear @Mom2Dogs

I know it's hard to break tradition or do less than you think you "should," but perhaps it's time to cut back -- maybe draw names from a hat -- among the adults at least.  

If you are feeling any sort of financial pinch, it's not mandatory to give as much as you have in the past.   I read this same advice all the time in articles by financial advisers.

It may be difficult to live with the feeling of thinking you've done less, but sharing time and love and maybe even extra cookies or something, would take away some of the "sting" until you get used to a different way of doing things.

Best wishes for a happy Christmas and a lovely holiday season to you and your family.

[shoptheQ]

After the death of my husband; and a few  years later the bank I worked for was sold and all employees lost their jobs; and I was just short of retirement age; I had a talk with my adult children.  Explained I would no longer be giving them gifts for birthdays or Christmas.  That I would continue to give gifts to my grandchildren albiet on a much smaller scale.

They were in total agreement and supported my decision.  

The holidays for us is about being able to spend "time" together.  It certainly removed the stress for me.  Don't be afraid to have this honest talk with your children - I'm sure they will offer their love and support.

[Mom2Dogs]

@homegirl 21  and @shoptheQ

Good advice!

[PamfromCT]

We stopped exchanging gifts with adults in our family some years ago.  It was quite a relief.  We focus on the grandchildren.  The biggest gift you can give to your children is to take care of yourselves.  Healthcare costs are a major concern for many seniors.  You have nothing to apologize for.

[RedTop]

My siblings and I no longer exchange Christmas gifts, and insisted that Mom stop gifting to us years ago.   It just didn't make sense once we were older with adult children, and everyone was buying whatever they needed anyway.   I still buy for my one nephew, and my brothers still give gifts to my two daughters.  We do focus on helping Mom with what she really needs, and this year we will be stocking her pantry for winter.   At 81, Mom does not leave the house during flu season, and bitter cold weather.   

[ChynnaBlue]

If you're looking it is as how much you should be expected to give, I'd urge you to look at it another way. Gifts shouldn't never be about expectations and you should never give more than you're comfortable with. My grandparents had 4-6 grandchildren, depending on which side, and I got a small check (much less than $100) and a card and was happy to get them because it meant my grandparents were alive and well enough to write cards and checks. I never asked what my parents got, if anything. But even as a kid I understood that grandparents were on fixed incomes and I understood. My memories of my grandparents are all about the times I spent with them, not the money they sent me or the gifts they bought me. I remember that my maternal grandmother always wrote out my first name and Beth as my middle name, even though my middle name is Elizabeth. She was the only one who wrote it as Beth and I always remember that fondly. What I don't remember is how much money she sent or what I spent it on.

Focus on the things they will remember. I'm sure it won't be the money.

[curlywhitedog]

I know I spend too much on the grands but it's not more than I'm comfortable with nor is it more than I can afford.  As for my daughter and her husband, I spend as much on them as I do on the kids with a slight edge going to my daughter who's much easier and more fun to buy for.  Having said that, we're "remodeling" Christmas this year and I couldn't be happier.  Instead of all the worrying about what to give, fighting the crowds at the mall and all the wrapping, my husband and I are taking my daughter and her family on vacation.  No doubt it's a more expensive option but it's one which gives them something meaningful to look forward to and remember.  We'll still give the boys a few gifts to open, they're only 8 and 6, but their main gift will be their time away. 

Maria

[staciesmom]

A few years ago at Christmas, I suggested to my in-laws that rather than buying gifts for each other at Christmas, we adopt a needy family through our church, and anonymously give them a wonderful Christmas. My suggestion was met with dead silence. I never brought this idea up again. Both DH and I as well as my in-laws buy whatever we want all year long, and we end up giving each other things none of us wants or needs, and the money would be so much better spent helping someone who is truly needy. For some reason exchanging gifts is sacred to them. DH and his sister have birthdays 2 days apart, she sends him a $25 gift card and he sends her a $25 gift card. So silly, but for some reason they still do it.

[onlyshopsonline]

Our gift exchange list is very small.  My husband and I buy what we want, throughout the year, so sometimes we just exchange small, fun gifts.

We have two grandbabies, 3 1/2 years and 6 months.  My SIL's side of the family is larger and the children get lots of gifts.  So, this year, we are buying them a few special things, and then giving each $100 so my daughter can pick out some new clothes for the coming months.

My daughter and SIL have been remodeling and redecorating their home.  So, they picked out and ordered a new sofa, and that is our present to them this year for Christmas, and next year's birthdays.

And, that's about it.  I have a few friends that I give little gifts to.  But, they are usually something I've hand-made....machine embroidered or quilted items.  Which reminds me....I really need to get started!