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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,917
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Finally figured things out

@drizzellla If you actually enjoy having your brothers stay then go for it but if they are really too much trouble then I would put a limit on the nights they can stay over.I think you should line up some chores to keep those guys busy.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,788
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Finally figured things out

I am glad to see you figured it out. Now you can let them know when in Rome they do as the Romans do....or else!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,561
Registered: ‎12-27-2010

Re: Finally figured things out

[ Edited ]

OK now that you have thought about this and have clarity...it is up to you to not allow this to continue.

I was the youngest of 8 kids. I kinda understand how no matter how we age the family dynamic can stay the same.

I stopped this bull when my older brother (53 at the time) came to live with me for a year completely free of charge in order for him to get back on his feet. Well needless to say, he didn't. I took matters in my own hands when he took MY bed linens camping in MY tent and ruined both of them and he darn well could afford to buy both...or at least he was supposed to have had money saved. I was helping him while he left gf and mother (whom he never loved) of his 11 yr old daughter. He moved back to our hometown...anyway....long story short...he ended up being in my home a year at a dumb job, making little and he bought a used RV for his now gf to live in while he lived in town with me! Lots of ****** added up including the bossy behavior you described in your post. (Family dynamic)

 

I gave him two weeks to leave. Other things happened and I will never speak to again as long as I breathe. 

 

Regardless of my outcome, I urge you to set your boundaries. Your siblings no longer have a right to make you unhappy because you've been kind and generous. You owe them NOTHING. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,247
Registered: ‎09-24-2011

Re: Finally figured things out

@drizzellla, your mother was a very smart woman!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,162
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Finally figured things out

You have a year to plan your holiday get away in 2018. Just you. Maybe your husband if he'd be good company. Your visitors can pull together and gather around the table without you. A spa, shopping or resort stay would be nice for you. Save your pennies and just do it.

 

When dad passed, my divorced, no children, older brother in his mid 40s, came to town when dad took ill and stayed and stayed after dad's passing. Close to a month. Brother is a teacher and had the summer off. He visited with old friends, went to high school reunion and had a blast. Stayed up late when we all had to go to work. Too cheap to rent a car, so he drove mine around, all day long. Husband and I shared rides to work. Finally, we sisters took dad's car to mechanic, got it ready for the road, and presented car to brother. Either he got the hint or was so thrilled to have the nice car, but very soon drove back to California. 

 

Since that experience, I get a hotel room when visiting extended family. I prefer it and it makes life easier for hosts. Of course my daughter/family stay at my house. They're my nuclear family and a delight. No problem. But siblings, especially if high maintenance, aren't your core family anymore. 

 

     

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,039
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Finally figured things out

I guess if I had brothers and they had habits like yours I would ask them to stay at a hotel and just provide one or two holiday meals that your family enjoys.  That way you could see them and send them "home" after dinner.

 

Enjoy yourself and don't knock yourself out!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,035
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Finally figured things out

[ Edited ]
  • You ladies are so right. And I think that is why my brothers like to come and stay at my house. They used to bring their children and free load off of us for weeks. 

 

I have got to set clear boundaries or my brother will end up living with us after he retires.

 

Oh No!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,039
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Finally figured things out


@drizzellla wrote:

You ladies are so right. And I think that is why my brothers like to come and stay at my house. They could bring their children and free load off of us. 

 

I have got to set clear boundaries or my brother will end up living with us after he retires.

 

Oh No!


Hello again Drizzella,

 

Sorry I didn't use your name on my last post.  Boundaries sound like a great idea!  The few times we have had family stay in the past it was a nightmare but I always chalked it up to our unusual family.  I sure hope your brother(s) will never move in with you.  You didn't take them for better or worce and it could actually ruin your family.

 

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Cathy

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,604
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: Finally figured things out

@drizzellla  Your post made me smile.  In my house growing up, my brothers were given special privileges and the girls were urged to wait on them.  

 

One of my brothers loved the special attention, the other one, not so much.  My own father was not treated as a king.  So I had one King Brother.  When he married, his wife waited on him hand and foot.  They had two boys and one took after dad and is still waited on, and the other is pretty independent.

Spoiler
 

I always thought the whole King issue was funny and didn’t buy into it.  My older sister waited on him, but my younger sister would not unless she was forced to.  They were in the same grade at school and he was allowed to copy her homework by my parents which made her angry.  Thank heavens he grew up to be responsible, but he still liked to play the king when he could.

 

It seems you have a king and a prince for brothers.  I would have two twin beds in my guest room and have them just share it.  I would say, I don’t allow sleeping on my sofa.  They probably won’t stay for weeks anymore.

 

Then I would inform them that you deserve a nice dinner at a fine restaurant on their dime to say thank you for your hospitality, and make reservations.

 

After breakfast everyday, go out and don’t return until later. if brother number 2 gets up at 3, he can help himself to the box of cereal left on the table.

 

Next year if they have to share a bedroom, chances are they won’t stay as long or be able to do as they please. They will have to work it out among themselves.

 

It’s time for Queen Drizzella to assume her role and take charge.  Don’t make yourself available every moment of the day.  One night I would even go out to dinner with friends and let the men fend for themselves.  When they demand or suggest something, just laugh and say, yeah, let me get right on that.  Humor them.

 

And I would make a lot of noise every morning banging pans at breakfast and playing my music as loud as I wished.

 

what does your DH think of your brothers?  no fights between them yet?

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,706
Registered: ‎01-02-2015

Re: Finally figured things out

You have got to be kidding .... o.k.  great idea about setting

boundries .... I would do it in writing so there is no I didn't

hear you .. i didn't understand.. I forgot ....

 

omg....save yourself ....