Holiday

[carlycat]

I suggested this for my family. My BF and I live alone, I have a brother who’s married with one adult child and he has a large family of inlaws. At the time I suggested it, just my mother was living. 

They grudgingly went along with it. We still had the family dinner, and I made cookies for everyone every year. Then my mother died. 

Now my brother spends zero time with me at Christmas. It’s all at his wife’s family. I offer to make a dinner and he has no time. His wife’s family all share gifts, by the way. I am very close to him the rest of the year, but for the 2 weeks at Christmas, I don’t even talk to him. Her relatives all come into town and it’s like I’m dead. We live 2 miles apart, but he could be on the moon. 

I guess he really wanted gifts. 

[RedTop]

@Nataliesgramma,

This is the first year I’m not buying gifts for Christmas.   

With all the efforts my family has put into purging and decluttering our house this year, I insisted everyone make a conscious effort not to fill it up again.   And in looking at how we filled our house, the number one contributor is Christmas.   NO MORE.   

I am no longer buying gifts for people who buy everything they want, and already have more than they need, just because of the holiday.   I realized my biggest fault was trying to keep up the magical delight of Christmas with gifting my family, and it’s past time to let that go.   

[PattyShell]

@Sweetbay magnolia 

I have thought about how I would have never missed any of my own parents and my husband’s parents special dinners.  My husband & I looked forward to them and planned on being there!  It did not matter to us how far away we were!  If we had ever discovered we could not afford to go, then we would have made the personal choice with that wakeup call to move closer or we would have had a wakeup call to find another job.

It breaks my heart that one of our 2 children does not attend family holiday dinners, funerals, baptisms, birthdays.  He only lives an hour away and says driving here and back to his house takes too much time out of the day.  He use to love bringing his immediate family, but his children are grownup now.  The last time he was here, he came without his wife and said that  she was tired and preparing food for her side of the family and friends.  To make him feel better, I just tell him his father & I have the elderly members and their family members of our church over,for dinner, and I believe it makes him feel better because he has wonderful memories of these dear people.  It hurts me that his sister & brother-in-law, who have always loved and been so kind to him and he loves so much, speaks about missing him so very much at special dinners.

 I try to think about it as nobody knows what goes in someone else’s home or exactly how they are feeling.  And nobody needs the stress of feeling like they have to go anywhere.

[Sweetbay magnolia]

@PattyShell, I do miss those steamed up kitchen windows while helping my Mom cook (I was always the devilled egg, and the gravy maker).

She moved clear across the US, and then my sister followed.  I hate to fly and it's costly, but this year I think I'll head out sometime in November.

DH and I have nice holiday dinners with a dear friend.  We enjoy it just the same, even though it's not "like it was".  His very large family is all over the place!  He usually goes to a relative's house out-of-town around Thanksgiving/Christmas, but I choose to stay at home with the family VIP (very important pooch).

Happy Holidays to you!  This board is a nice place to chat around those times when it seems bittersweet.

[mousiegirl]

When children grew up, I stopped gift giving except for immediate family.  My SIL still sends us books, many duplicates we have now as she doesn't remember from year to year what she gave, good for donating though.

[jeanlake]

@Nataliesgramma  Your news is exciting! So glad everyone agreed. As someone mentioned, it's about food and fellowship. I have two grown children and one daughter-in-law with holiday birthdays. I'm giving one wrapped birthday gift each and some folding money. For holiday, I'm trying to figure out fun family gifts. They love restaurant gift cards and activity cards. 

Simplifying and giving what they really want.  

[software]

Secret Santa is fun if you have a large family.

Everyone brings 1 gift.   They can be serious or fun.   Then draw numbers and start picking.  You can pick from the wrapped gift pile or steal from someone who has already picked.

One gift can only be stolen twice.  That helps keep the game going.

Put a limit, like $20 or $25.   No gift cards allowed unless there is also a little trinket included.

Some gifts are nice kitchen items, like a pepper grinder, or oil sprayer, a calendar, throw, car gadget, small board game, small garden tool, picture frame, food.  You don't have to worry about male or female.   

Christmas is about giving.  

[CANDLEQUEEN]

In our family we only buy for the little children....We stopped exchanging with adults a few years ago.

It just got to be too much, everyone has everything that they want, and if they don't they will go buy it, and since we now have 6 young children, it is more fun to buy small gifts for them.....

I have 3 grandchildren that I buy for, and my husband and my two daughters and my mother, and that's it....Oh and my Son in law as well. But other than that, I don't have much shopping, except for Toy Shopping which I love to do.....

We get together with my side of the family and let the children open their gifts and we have a Big Dinner, and play games.....It is a fun, and much more relaxing time.......

[Beauty Maven]

You are definitely not Scrooge @Nataliesgramma!  We're trying to do the same in my family.  It's a difficult habit to break.  This year, in lieu of exchanging gifts, we're pitching in to sponsor a family through Food for the Poor.  I would feel differently if there were little children in our family, but everyone in is old!  We'll get together several times for dinner and eat plenty of family favorite recipes!

[LolaLasagne]

We stopped exchanging gifts a few years ago. To me, Christmas gifts are for kids. It's about the magic of discovering all the presents under the tree on Christmas morning. I'm more about the baking, spending time together and having an amazing meal on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with lots of wine and laughter. Plus, it's about getting time off from work!