Holiday

[Mominohio]

---

@Snowpuppy wrote:

@Mominohio  since you're expanding outside your normal circle of friends and family, I'm inviting myself. 😁

My own DS is out in his own as well and this past Christmas I thought somehow it was necessary to cut back. I cut back so much last year it didn't feel like the holidays at all.

I really need to rethink this year's holiday season, too.

---

@Snowpuppy 

Wouldn't it be great if so many of us here could get together in person for a holiday or a summer get together or any kind of thing?!

I have spent time here on the forum on Christmas, as there are always people here to share some time with, but it isn't the same as if we actually got together in person!

I cut back last year too, way back. It was a combination of my mom not wanting to do any gifts at all anymore, decades of doing and my husband not giving a rat's patootie about any of it (he is never negative, he just never did holidays at all growing up, and takes no part in the planning, shopping, decorating etc. He just sort of eats and sleeps and could care less!), and I was sick over the holiday as well. 

I only know that I don't want Christmas to 'feel' like it did last year ever again. It was just almost a non issue, and I felt it was forced on me, rather than a choice to not participate. 

I realize I can't let others define it for me, even those closest to me. I want to begin to think how to approach it this year that won't seem like a let down because it is different.

[AuntG]

There are some eloquent posts on your thread  @Mominohio  which makes me think this is an important topic. I don't know how to describe my feelings. I like the two big holidays, but I'd prefer to spend them with DH. Of course that isn't possible because I'd never deny him the big family gatherings he is accustomed to. However, I'm pretty sure I'll send a dish to pass and let him go alone. I'm quite introverted and I'm not comfortable being crammed into a small house with 50 people.

[ECBG]

@Mominohio I applaud your post.  

I started our own traditions about 15 years ago.  

My Christmas consisted of teaching up to 5 days before the holiday, cooking goodies for some presents, trays of cookies and whole pound cakes, then having to help host a Christmas Eve breakfast to everyone my social climbing step mother owed.  It took most of the day.  I did a full Christmas Eve dinner, (not reheated) at our house so our two sons had some of our traditions to fall back on, then on Christmas Day after opening gifts (the time she was actually nice), it was on to having people she wanted into impress, and me being glared at across the table because I hadn't jumped up and anticipated serving some guest's need.

The Christmas Day she screamed at our younger son, 18, after gift giving about a receipt he asked for (after she had, in fact OFFERED), I said "I am done.  DONE. She didn't NEED to get the receipt then, she just needed to act decently. She screamed and admonished him. My father was gone to cancer, and I was tired of being exploited.

We started our own traditions at home, and BOTH sons came and told me it was the best Christmas they had ever experienced!  We enjoyed that for two years before our youngest son was lost in a wreck.

We still do our Christmas Day here.  I DO miss where we had gone out to dinner on Christmas Eve, but, since the older son is married, my DIL dutifully goes to her family although she prefers to be with us.

[Ruby Laine]

Time is relentless, @Mominohio. Change is easier when, like you are doing, we adjust our expectations and plan accordingly. 

We don’t do Thanksgiving (or Easter) anymore because, although my girls and their families would be happy to come, I don’t like to have them make plans for two big meals and time away from their own home during their few days off (although one is an RN and takes her turn working holidays). 

It doesn’t bother me at all, and I thought it would. Husband bakes either a ham or prime rib, and I do a couple of sides.  Then he helps me get out all the Christmas decorations so I can start the next day.  It’s just a relaxed day, and a new tradition!

This has been a lovely thread to read.

[jackthebear]

---

@alicedee wrote:

@Ruby Laine Thank you for your kind words, my friend.  I am impressed by all of these posts...wise women who keep their minds and hearts open to deal with whatever life is handing out!

---

This is why texting is a good thing 

too much grumbling here about “I have sent a text message never will!” @alicedee 

[vsm]

@ECBG   Your post moved me deeply.  Thank you for taking the time to write it. 

[vsm]

@Mominohio   Like many others, I so appreciate your post and the many responses to it.  Each one tells a very personal story that taught me something about how we love and how we adapt to changing circumstances for good or ill.  I hope folks will keep adding to this thread as we head into fall and beyond.

[SouthernBee]

@Mominohio : Thank you and everyone. It is difficult to make changes. My mind- wants me to do everything for the holidays but health issues are a reality to deal with my physical limits. Several years hosted a church family for TG that moved out of state. Started with the family plus a few others- should have been 8 including me and DH. Last year they included 4 extras  not told in advance plus several were an hour late. Told them it was the last year. They called me “Bigmama “. Hinted wanted13x9 pan of favorite dish to take home in addition to what was prepared and served. This year the real grandmother passed, they are saying they really need Bigmama this year. I have not responded yet but checking into reservations and dinner at Golden Corral- still cheaper considering the cost of food that I prepare plus the hours and physical energy needed to get things done.Two turkeys, ham,fresh collards,and other traditional side dishes. DH still insists that I prepare TG meal for us to enjoy the next day.Christmas always just the 2 of us but will not put up a big tree just a 3 foot one decorated on a nice table. Food will be downsized. Better to focus on having each other and counting our many Blessings. Southern Bee 

[SouthernBee]

@Mominohio : I was Blessed in 2016 to do a home remodel that included a new kitchen with double wall oven. The kitchen is small but with a better design. My issue now- trying to put in and taking dishes out of the oven. Especially bigger dishes to feed more people. Even doing preparing dishes that can be frozen difficult. The first of November always made enough dressing and sweet potato casserole for Thanksgiving and Christmas and put in freezer. Also would purchase at least 8 bunches of collard greens to clean and put in the freezer. Just like everyone else still busy the week before preparing everything else. Then the day after total collapse and physical pain for two weeks. Only 65 but just can’t continue. I only have DH but a lot of his family is out of town. He always wants the house filled with friends for the holidays but I cannot continue the tradition. I am Blessed to have someone to clean my house weekly but still to much for me. Southern Bee 

[DecorDiva]

I haven't read all the replies but it seems a common theme is that one person or family bears the burden of preparing a meal(s) and that it becomes too much along with dealing with inconsiderate people inviting others, changing plans at the last minute etc.  I know in my family, everyone loves the traditional dinners with all homemade foods, but the younger generation (Im talking 40s in age) are not willing to do any of the work.  They don't even offer to help in the cleanup, but I blame that on their parents, who won't ask for their help.  I' sure when our generation dies out, they will probably be going out for holiday dinners.

Anyone should not feel bad about doing what works best for their time and energy level.  But I know decades of tradition and expectations are not easy to change.