Dear sweet Twinny, you musn't think of yourself as a failure. Older people can be cunning at hiding when they don't feel well.
Here's an example:
My Ma had COPD. So did Dad. Ma stopped smoking, Dad did not. Ma's bedroom was upstairs, Dad slept downstairs. After my Ma fractured her pelvis at the beginning of the new millenium, she recovered but couldn't walk to the store and such like she used to. Ma didn't know how to drive and walked everywhere and the city was too violent for anyone to feel comfortable with her walking anywhere. I believe less activity and Dad smoking like a chimney aggitated Ma's COPD. Ma moved in with my sister who lived down the street. Doctor didn't want Ma taking steps. So anyway, my sister ran between both parents. Dad came over for dinner then went back to his house.
Flash forward to 2007. Although my Dad had been feeling bad from COPD and my sister saw him a couple of times a day (she was unemployed at the time), he hid just how rotten he was feeling. One day, my sister (out of the blue) says, let me see your legs Dad as he was sitting in the kitchen. I guess it was divine intervention. My Dad was a skinny person so when my sister yanked up Dad's pant leg, she didn't expect to see swollen calfs, ankles and feet. He refused to go to the hospital with her.
My DH had just died about 7 weeks prior and she calls me in a panic. I call Dad and say, I am going to be by your house tomorrow morning. You will be going to the hospital with me and I expect you to be ready around 9:30 ish. No debate, no discussion - you are going and I am taking you.
My Dad never came home and died on Easter Sunday that year.
My point in telling you all of this is that your Ma could have been feeling weak like this and didn't want to tell you. Seeing as I can't stand the medical profession, I can understand why people 30-40 years older than me don't want to go when I can't stand them at 53.
I know your Ma wants to come home. I would want to be home myself. That said, her condition is too serious for home health care and not serious enough for acute care (inpatient). You are not sticking her in a nursing home or anything yet. She just needs some subacute care (rehab) to build her strength. At her age, loss of muscle mass and strength happens like quicksilver.
All you can do is gather some things that make her happy to keep her as comfortable as possible while she is in rehab. Make a fuss over her birthday and don't be surprised if she's crabby tomorrow because she is in rehab. Oldsters have guilting their loved ones downpat :-)
Perhaps, if the thought of a party appeals to her, she will work hard to get out sooner.
Honey, when they get that age, I feel for them and their caregivers. She wants her maintain her independence which is already threatened by her bad vision. Nobody likes to feel out of control, like they are losing their independence, or are becoming invisible or not valued.
I know that you love her and value her - I'm just saying try not to take anything that she might say personally, which is going to be hard.
Is anything of this making sense.
There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Blogs & Forums
