Fashion

[CouponQueen]

I'd be aggravated but would let that be the extent. Why give them that power over you. It is now a "I will one-up you.." let them call..and I am sure you have Caller ID - don't answer.

What was the message they left - that they got your number after all..??

We screen our caller regardless of who calls.

I wouldn't add any more stress to my life by worrying over this - in one door out the other and let them have the number. Doesn't mean you have to answer or return calls ..so you still win, if that is what you are after.

[CouponQueen]

Heck with hubby reading him the riot act over inappropriate behavior. I would be!

Hubby can back me up if he so desired but I would get first dibs on calling out a jerk..on jerk like behavior- family or not!

I would fight this battle myself.

[ROMARY]

CalifMomofThree: Can't go into any detail. Read #7. Bizarre is the word of the day in these instances.

[goodstuff]

On 2/23/2015 silkyk said:

On 2/23/2015 californiamomofthree said:

I agree that I don't like the blocking function, unless you can block that ONE number - that's a much handier feature, imo.

But I can relate to you on the family drama issue, unfortunately. I'm an only child, but my husband is the oldest of 4. His youngest sibling (a brother) has randomly begun disrespecting me whenever we are at family gatherings and I have no idea why. I have never done anything to him! And this started out-of-the-blue at the last 2 gatherings! He's smart enough (or lucky enough) that he has done it when my husband was either not around or otherwise distracted and I'm diplomatic enough to not cause a scene - instead I simply remove myself from the situation. That said, my husband hears about it after we leave and now that he's done it twice in less than a month (we typically all gather at my husband's mom's house at least one Saturday a month), my husband is actually irritated at me for not doing anything to stop it. Now my husband wants me to immediately alert him the next time it happens - not to start a fight, but to call out his behavior [as inappropriate] right then and there, so that he doesn't continue. I tell you, it's so bizarre! We've been married for 12 years, together for 15 and I've never had issues with ANY of my in-laws. In fact, I'm always the "Switzerland" whenever there's sibling squabbles, so for him to pick on me for no reason and out of nowhere is really kind of bizarre. You just never know what makes people tick sometimes.

Next time he starts with his big mouth have a tiny recording device in your pocket and get his words recorded! Then play it for your hubby. That should be all the proof you need that his brother is a verbal abuser and needs a serious attitude adjustment!

Good grief. If your husband's kid brother says something obnoxious again, just look him in the eye and quietly and directly ask him why he said it and what he means! You didn't say what kind of "inappropriate" or "disrespectful" things your BIL is saying, but I'd call him on it next time, one-on-one, without making a big scene. Don't just slink off. Quietly call him on it. If he persists, you can get your husband involved.

It's always better to handle family annoyances quietly and discreetly when possible. Sometimes people are just having a bad day or are acting out because of things you haven't realized or aren't aware of. Don't start WWIII unless it's absolutely necessary.

[californiamomofthree]

On 2/23/2015 ROMARY 1 said:

CalifMomofThree: Sometimes it's pure jealousy. Consider it some type of obsession. Something that he has no control over, believe it or not. I'd just ignore, which most likely irritates him to no end even more. Lots of good luck.

You don't even know me and you "get" me! I'm so much that girl! I'll ignore something just for the simple fact of knowing it bothers someone MORE! LOL!! In this case, it's really about trying to keep the peace in the family, for my mother-in-law's sake. I'm never an aggressive person by nature (which is why his behavior is even MORE inapproporiate!), but I really have never had an issue with any of my husband's family. I've always been the one they call when they want to vent and "don't tell my mom" kind of thing! lol That kind of stuff! I'm the keeper of the peace usually and I so love and respect my mother-in-law that I don't want to have any issues with her kids, especially in her home! On the other hand, it's clear to me that [for whatever reason], this brother has decided to target me with whatever anger/frustration he's feeling right now. You are in line with my husband's thinking: we are selling our home right now and building a new home in another state and my husband's job just gave him a really welcome raise, etc. So my husband thinks it's jealousy. Which is sad because we don't brag (and nobody knows about the raise except us, not even my mother-in-law), it's just we're in a process of escrows/packing/moving/storage/etc. So it's conversation, naturally! Other than that, we aren't going around saying how great we are, how bad everyone else's lives are, etc. It's always been my husband and I as a team and we are always ears for his siblings to vent or get advice and we always support whatever they do. My husband thinks he's smart enough NOT to target him (the oldest brother), so he's using me as his "punching bag" knowing I'm not one to cause a ruckus. That said, I'm like the dog curled up on the rug by a fire: peaceful and non-threatening. But, if you keep stepping on my tail, eventually I will jump up and growl/bark to let you know I've had enough.

silkyk: The recording device is a good idea, just so he would be forced to hear his own behavior played back to him, but my hubby knows him and his personality traits (not to mention mine lol), so he believes me 100%. My husband is the oldest of 4 and his dad was not in the picture mostly, so he's the default father figure and as such, his siblings are actually sort of afraid of him (not afraid, but they have that fatherly respect for him, if that makes sense), which is why this brother (the youngest - younger by 15 years than my husband) won't DARE pull this garbage in front of him. Why he doesn't think it will matter that he does it to his wife, is beyond me, but eventually it will catch up with him, if he doesn't stop.

CouponQueen: If he were not family, I would've been blasting him right back, trust me! It's out of pure respect for my mother-in-law that I haven't verbally responded [so far]. Believe me, his wife was present both times and her face said it all! The first time, she quickly ushered him and their kids to the car (saying she wasn't feeling well) and this time, it was already kind of late, so I used that as my que to exit gracefully. She knows he's being inappropriate and is probably just grateful that it hasn't blown up, yet.

[Lipstickdiva]

I would rather block just the numbers I want blocked than try to worry about listing all the calls I'd like to accept. I never know what number my doctor's office may call from, etc.

[Lipstickdiva]

On 2/23/2015 californiamomofthree said:

I agree that I don't like the blocking function, unless you can block that ONE number - that's a much handier feature, imo.

But I can relate to you on the family drama issue, unfortunately. I'm an only child, but my husband is the oldest of 4. His youngest sibling (a brother) has randomly begun disrespecting me whenever we are at family gatherings and I have no idea why. I have never done anything to him! And this started out-of-the-blue at the last 2 gatherings! He's smart enough (or lucky enough) that he has done it when my husband was either not around or otherwise distracted and I'm diplomatic enough to not cause a scene - instead I simply remove myself from the situation. That said, my husband hears about it after we leave and now that he's done it twice in less than a month (we typically all gather at my husband's mom's house at least one Saturday a month), my husband is actually irritated at me for not doing anything to stop it. Now my husband wants me to immediately alert him the next time it happens - not to start a fight, but to call out his behavior [as inappropriate] right then and there, so that he doesn't continue. I tell you, it's so bizarre! We've been married for 12 years, together for 15 and I've never had issues with ANY of my in-laws. In fact, I'm always the "Switzerland" whenever there's sibling squabbles, so for him to pick on me for no reason and out of nowhere is really kind of bizarre. You just never know what makes people tick sometimes.

There has to be a reason for this out of the blue behavior. Perhaps something untrue was said to him about you.

I don't know but I'd address his behavior head on. I'd either call him on the phone or talk to him privately at the next family gathering and ask him what the issue is.

[sunshine45]

i just use caller ID and voice mail.......it makes things a lot easier. they either dont leave a message at all or they leave a message that i can delete right away without even listening to it......on my landline AND on my cell phone.

[californiamomofthree]

On 2/23/2015 LipstickDiva said:

On 2/23/2015 californiamomofthree said:

I agree that I don't like the blocking function, unless you can block that ONE number - that's a much handier feature, imo.

But I can relate to you on the family drama issue, unfortunately. I'm an only child, but my husband is the oldest of 4. His youngest sibling (a brother) has randomly begun disrespecting me whenever we are at family gatherings and I have no idea why. I have never done anything to him! And this started out-of-the-blue at the last 2 gatherings! He's smart enough (or lucky enough) that he has done it when my husband was either not around or otherwise distracted and I'm diplomatic enough to not cause a scene - instead I simply remove myself from the situation. That said, my husband hears about it after we leave and now that he's done it twice in less than a month (we typically all gather at my husband's mom's house at least one Saturday a month), my husband is actually irritated at me for not doing anything to stop it. Now my husband wants me to immediately alert him the next time it happens - not to start a fight, but to call out his behavior [as inappropriate] right then and there, so that he doesn't continue. I tell you, it's so bizarre! We've been married for 12 years, together for 15 and I've never had issues with ANY of my in-laws. In fact, I'm always the "Switzerland" whenever there's sibling squabbles, so for him to pick on me for no reason and out of nowhere is really kind of bizarre. You just never know what makes people tick sometimes.

There has to be a reason for this out of the blue behavior. Perhaps something untrue was said to him about you.

I don't know but I'd address his behavior head on. I'd either call him on the phone or talk to him privately at the next family gathering and ask him what the issue is.

I hope this is not the case, but you just never know, I guess. If something untrue was said, it would've been by another of my husband's siblings since that's the only people we have "in common". Maybe there's some misunderstanding I'm not aware of, but it's a good idea to try to talk to him privately next time I see him. For issues like this, I prefer face-to-face communication, so that there's no misunderstandings and he can physically see that I'm genuinely unaware of what might be going on on his end. If he's got life issues that he's taking out on me [knowing I'm a non-confrontational sort], that's fine, but I'd rather he just use my ear to listen than shoot verbal arrows at me for nothing in particular lol. I'm extremely compassionate and understanding and that's why I'm thinking, "Maybe don't get upset at him until you know what's going on - he may be dealing with something stressful or even health-related that is causing him to redirect some emotions he can't handle".

[silkyk]

On 2/23/2015 californiamomofthree said:On 2/23/2015 ROMARY 1 said:

silkyk: The recording device is a good idea, just so he would be forced to hear his own behavior played back to him, but my hubby knows him and his personality traits (not to mention mine lol), so he believes me 100%. My husband is the oldest of 4 and his dad was not in the picture mostly, so he's the default father figure and as such, his siblings are actually sort of afraid of him (not afraid, but they have that fatherly respect for him, if that makes sense), which is why this brother (the youngest - younger by 15 years than my husband) won't DARE pull this garbage in front of him. Why he doesn't think it will matter that he does it to his wife, is beyond me, but eventually it will catch up with him, if he doesn't stop.

Hi Cali (I'm in Cali too) It is always good to have proof so it does NOT become a "he said she said" kinda thing. Plus I would LOVE to see that mouthy brother's face when you and hubby play his words back to him! And play it loud! Verbal abuse is unacceptable! Get his words recorded. Make that jerk listen to himself being a jerk.