Funeral Attire - Page 2

vermint · ‎04-05-2010

@ChynnaBlue wrote:
?

Someone brought this thread back from the dead. It's from 2013.

We've become a much more casual society. I can't say if that's better or worse or makes no difference, but I think that if my loved one died, I'd be happy my friends showed up to support me and would remember that, not what the person wore.

As for me, when I was at my grandfather's funeral many years ago, I decided that I would want everyone to attend my funeral in a Hawaiian shirt and that they should play all my favorite rock songs and drive me off in a hearse dragging tin cans and a "Just Died" sign. Because I want people to remember and celebrate my life, and that should include bright colors, happy songs, and the fun we all had.

@ChynnaBlue The 2nd poster explained why she brought it up.

I agree with the more casual society. I wore dresses to my mom's, MIL's & FIL's funerals...but not black. Dusty purple in two cases, but can't remember about FIL's service, only that it wasn't black.

Most non-family funerals I attend from work, and since I wear dark brown or black dress pants, nice shoes and a pretty top to work, that's what I wear to the services...and that's how I see most of the women dressed. DH wears a dress shirt & tie every day, so just adds a sport coat and he's good to go. He does wear a suit to the funerals of close family.

When the visitation/viewing is held the day before the funeral, it tends to be pretty casual in my area. The family may or may not dress up, but most attendees are not dressed up--clean and neat, though.

lolakimono · ‎03-29-2012

@MaggieMack

I went to one this past Friday, but the attire was definitely more "fancy" than a regular funeral. I saw a man wearing a purple velvet suit, lavendar shirt, and purple shoes, for example. I saw furs, hats, houndstooth and plaids, Red Hat Society women, and lots in between. If you can picture Whitney Houston's funeral, it was a bit like that.

Caligurll · ‎07-20-2014

@MaggieMack wrote:
@lolakimono, I resurrected this old post of yours because I went to a funeral today and saw a wide array of clothing choices. I guess I am "old school" in that I wear some type of (appropriate) dress, not pants, to a funeral. Now, if it was a snow day, I might opt for pants. To me, dressing nicely is a sign of respect to the dearly departed and family. Today I saw lots of faux sheepskin boots, thigh high dresses, skin tight everything. Most of the men were dressed in suits or sport coats, a very few had jeans on.

What do you think? Or wear to funerals? Are clothing choices a sign of respect or simply meaningless at funerals anymore?

This is one area where I am "old school." I wear a nice dress or suit and heels. I would never wear jeans or any casual clothing to a funeral or a wedding. I am always shocked at what some people wear to funerals and weddings. To me it looks like the person made a last minute decision to attend and really hadn't given it much thought.

I consider it a sign of respect that I have taken the time and thought to pay my respects to the person and their family and loved ones.

Same goes for weddings for me; they are special occasions and I am going to dress appropriately for a special day.

When I was in grade school and high school, the girls had to wear dresses or skirts. There was one day a year, in May, when girls could wear pants! I think it was our picnic day.

The funny thing about that is mini skirts were allowed, but maxi dresses weren't. I wore a maxi dress once and was told not to ever wear one again. They didn't send me home because it was 20 miles and a long diistance phone call to my parents.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

I would think the dead would care less about what someone's attire is and would just be glad someone took the time to show up.

scotnovel · ‎12-31-2013

@ECBG wrote:
Absolutely!!! What you wear and how your grooming is an indication of who you are. Thank goodness at least the men were properly dressed.

I will wear black dress slacks and a dark top, heels, and a leather clutch, in cooler weather a blouse and blazer.

It seems in some cases people want to come but don't have anything but casual clothes. At least they can be clean and neat.

Bare midriffs belong very few places.

What you wear is NOT an indication of who you are. I know some wonderful, intelligent, kind, helpful people who aren't the best dressed. They are good decent people who I would trust with my life. They just aren't as interested in the superficial by being the most well groomed person in the room. I remember folks saying Ted Bundy was good looking, dressed well, and seemed like a fine young man. Look what kind of person he truly was.

MaggieMack · ‎10-01-2014

@ChynnaBlue, @chrystaltree, yes, this OP was from 2013. I didn't want to duplicate a post if there had been a long thread of discussion on this topic right before I joined the boards. It was intentional on my part, no one had ever responded to the OP, and since I attended a funeral today, it was on my mind.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop

winamac1 · ‎12-29-2010

@lolakimono wrote:
What do you wear to a funeral?
Today I went to one where the viewing was from 11-1 and the service followed. Even though it was Valentine's Day, I wore my black dress, black boots, and a black cardigan to the service. I saw a little bit of everything, but not too many people were dressed "appropriately". I saw jeans, bare midriffs, summery shoes (black/white polka dots with open toes), black/navy pants with white athletic socks, hooded sweatshirts/zip up jackets, and one woman had a white lace tank top.
So, do you think the rules have changed, or because it's in the middle of the work day people just came from work and didn't wear anything special?

I think it's respectful to dress in darker colors. I typically wear black. I certainly woudn't wear shorts or something super casual. I want to show respect for the family and the deceased.

Some are just too casual in today's world. There's a time and a place for being casual, and at a funeral or showing....one should be cognizant of the respect this deserves.

"friends don't let friends drink white zinfandel"

AussieLuvr · ‎01-28-2016

I would never, ever go to a funeral dressed any more casually than dark business attire, meaning slacks or a dress/skirt with a jacket or cardigan. To me, its not only a sign of respect but I feel one should be subdued and not draw attention away from the unfortunate occasion.

At a funeral I recently attended, the 18 year old daughter of the 42 year old deceased wore flip flops, shorts and was blowing bubbles and snapping her gum during the entire thing. I was just blown away; there is no way I would tolerate that from one of my immediate family members. I thought it was disgraceful, but maybe its just me. I was raised by conservative parents and it just would not occur to me to dress any way other than dark, conservative clothing.

The last time I went to church (its been a while, since we just moved to a new state and have our hands full with the move) I saw a young man there with flip flops, shorts, a sports logo T shirt and a take-out paper cup of coffee in his hand. Perhaps the most important thing was that he was there at all, but I could never do that.

I'm not sure if it is a more relaxed society or the way we are brought up and influenced by our family, but I hope discretion and respectful attire continue.

ILTH · ‎05-18-2015

There is no universal wrong or right, appropriate or inappropriate.

I believe it really depends on the deceased and his/her family. I've been to funerals where my cousins (kids of the deceased) and I wore bright, happy colors and prints. Their parents would have approved. It would have made them happy. For other family members, I've worn black for one member's funeral; colors for another, etc.

I've worn mostly black and/or grey when I knew that was what the deceased would have deemed appropriate or if I wasn't sure.

Same goes for bare midriffs, jeans, etc. Depends on the family involved. I have friends who really wouldn't care if you showed up naked; as long as you showed up. I have others who would be highly offended if you didn't "dress".

Deeming dresses the only appropriate wear for a woman is sexist and very dated.

I think, though, if you're not sure, it's always better to err on the side of sombre/muted , dressier and more conservative. I think that way, no-one (family of deceased) would be offended/upset.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

First of all it depends on the weather. If you will be standing at the graveside it can be very hot or cold, so you have to dress appropriately. I have seen everything from very casual to very dressy. Usually , for me, I wear what I would wear to church in a subdued color and not a print except maybe a scarf can be a print. Also flat shoes because you may be walking on grass. Also low key jewelry. I have a black ponte knit dress from Susan Graver that is always appropriate in the summer and I have a navy pantsuit that is warm for winter.

Editted to add - i have already had to attend a fiuneral of a doctor I worked with and admired in scrubs. I had a trenchcoat over them but that was all there was to it - scrubs. No one seemed to notice and I wasn't the only person there in scrubs.