Re: Elderly mother overspending on QVC

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

I suspect that many families are dealing with this type of issue. Getting someone declared incompetent is extremely difficult, so I don't think that is the answer. I'm surprised that QVC would even get involved, since this is their bread and butter.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

If your Mother is competent to make decisions on her own ....and you do not want to legally take over her money spending.....

THEN you need need to sit down with her and show her the property taxes due....and her BILLS AND MISC. spending VS her income.... BE VERY FRANK THAT SHE WILL LOSE HER HOME if she continues to spend needlessly. Tell her you will not be paying her taxes any more. PERIOD. Your Mom needs a wake up call.

TOUGH LOVE IS NEEDED HERE. Or you can continue to pay her bills and let her spend ......

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

Great idea to cut off financial support by not paying real estate taxes or providing funds for utilities.

Once the electricity and phone are shut off for non-payment and mom is sitting in the dark and cold without a means to communicate she might start to understand that her Q addiction is the cause as she waits to become homeless because someone bought her house at the tax sale.

The eyes through which you see others may be the same as how they see you.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Marp wrote:
Great idea to cut off financial support by not paying real estate taxes or providing funds for utilities.

Once the electricity and phone are shut off for non-payment and mom is sitting in the dark and cold without a means to communicate she might start to understand that her Q addiction is the cause as she waits to become homeless because someone bought her house at the tax sale.

Not paying the taxes or providing support would not have worked with my MIL or other family member.

Some elderly people have no concept of what they are doing. What happens when they lose the home? Where do they go then?

People should not be punished for dementia. It usually starts so slow that you do not notice it until it is too late. People with dementia seem okay when there are people around, but when they are alone, it really takes over. When you finally get it figured, it is often too late.

They need help, guidance doesn't work, nor does punishment and conquences. They are unable to function normally.

Bridgegal · ‎03-09-2010

I agree but I don't think the OP said anything about her mother having dimentia. If she does, that's one thing but if not.......

Does she understand and remember what she is doing? If so, then a CTJM might work. Lay it all out. But if she doesn't, only closing the account and /or blocking the shopping channels might work.

As a daughter of a mother that had it and a sister that now does, it's not easy to handle. But if it's just willful spending you might be able to stop it. Might.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through with your mother. Your situation is not uncommon.

A friend of mine when through something very similar. Her own mother would watch QVC and consider the hosts her "friends" and would buy more than she could afford or need. She had QVC bags & boxes unopened sitting in the house. Of course her credit card spiraled out of control.

The problem was she was housebound & lonely. Her daughter (my friend) lived 5 hours away so it wasn't easy to just pop in to see her. Unfortunately for her she passed away suddenly last summer.

I think with a lot of elderly women the problem may stem from dementia but for many others it's being housebound and lonely. Some just can't get out and instead live the fantasy that the Q offers through their warm & engaging hosts. It's a sad situation.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@RetRN wrote:
I suspect that many families are dealing with this type of issue. Getting someone declared incompetent is extremely difficult, so I don't think that is the answer. I'm surprised that QVC would even get involved, since this is their bread and butter.

It takes time, and money, but isn’t what I would call extremely difficult. I did it for my husband, so I’m very familiar with what to do.

Maybe the OP’s mom doesn’t have late stage dementia at this point, but she’s making decisions that suggest early stage dementia. It’s not okay to buy unneeded items from a shopping channel, and then not be able to pay your taxes.