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Super Contributor
Posts: 482
Registered: ‎05-01-2020

Re: when you have given up on yourself


@Libraryfan wrote:

good morning:  I have been suffering a major depression for three months now due to solo covid isolation.  I was even hospitalized for a few weeks.  I seem to given up on myself and find it difficult to care.  I am single and have extended family.  It has cased a huge family rift with my family now having related health issues and my brother in law vowing to never speak to me again.  i am on meds.  Any suggestions welcome. 


I haven't read the responses so pardon me if I repeat.

First, I'm so sorry you've been struggling! Second, things can get better!

Some ideas:

~ get out in the sunshine every day

~ try to do some physical activity every day

~ start a gratitude journal (write down at least 5 positive things you're thankful for every day)

~ find ways to serve others every day (ie mail a simple note to thank/cheer someone up, cut some flowers and leave them on someone's porch, offer to walk someone's dog, etc)

~ play uplifting music constantly 

~ diffuse essential oils (lavendar, orange, chamomile are some)

~ get a buddy system in place - someone who touches base with you every day

~ watch movies/shows/videos that make you laugh

Hope you feel better soon! {hugs}

 

T.H.I.N.K. before you speak.
Is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind?
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,229
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: when you have given up on yourself

 

(((@Libraryfan))) ❤️ The title of your thread took my breath away.   Normally I read all the posts before I write, but this time I didn't.   My time is limited this morning, I can't stay right now, but I feel a sense of urgency and wanted to respond in hopes I might be of service.   Knowing the compassion and empathy that dwells within our fellow posters I know the other responses are providing comforting support and encouragement.

 

Please take slow, deep breaths, and talk to yourself as you talk to someone you love.   

 

Speak to yourself and about yourself with love.❤️

 

Next, please let your doctors know that you continue to feel despondent.   

 

Be clear and complete in conveying exactly how you feel, what you are experiencing.

 

Your emotions are tender.   Do not think you have to keep this to yourself.   

 

It is a show of strength and courage when we reach out for help in times like these, we move through healing by asking for and accepting help.

 

Particularly after inpatient care, this is a time to be in close communication with your medical team.   They want you to do this, so tell them.

 

I know from experience that when we truly give up on ourselves we might not think or act in a way that's best for us.

 

I've given up on myself more times than I can count, and I'm not sure why I'm still here.   I want you to know this because it's important that you don't feel alone and that you know there is hope.   I've had multiple inpatient psychiatric stays, in one case for 3 weeks, the others were slightly shorter.    I have been in therapy for many years and continue to learn, recognize, pick up, and mend my broken parts, and open new doors, so I know you can, too.

 

Depression is complex and dark, can be like a fuzzy thick viscous fog that keeps invading our brain.   Our senses are clouded and at the same time magnified.   Sleep can be impossible, other times we feel the need to sleep for days.   Unless someone has experienced it, I know of no way to fully provide adequate insight into what everything feels like, sounds like, or the way we are changed by our depression.   At times, it's as if our brain and emotions have been overtaken by an unfamiliar presence and it's like slogging through thick fog and deep quicksand just to go from one moment to the next.   It might not be exactly the same for you, but please know there's a lot going that might make it hard for you to think, act, organize.

 

I'll add some things I've learned along the way, but again they might not be "do-able" if you're not thinking clearly and touching base with your medical team.

 

Take small steps and don't be hard on yourself.❤️

 

Do your best to keep moving, to try and keep to a schedule.     A schedule is important because gaining better mental health involves getting and keeping ourselves organized, consistent, active, engaged, and disciplined...  all of which is counter to what we want to do when we feel so miserable and hopeless.   

 

Also, even light exercise can generate physiological changes that help clear our mind, lift our spirit, and careful mindful attention to our breathing makes a difference, too.

 

But forgive yourself if/when you have days when you do less, or when you just need a total day of rest.   

You are doing your best with the tools and knowledge you have right now (to paraphrase Maya Angelou).   

Remember that and be proud of yourself.❤️

 

There are some wonderful books, some will speak to you others will not.   In my first hospitalization, we used a daily meditation book with a simple short positive affirmation to focus our thoughts.   However, the irony is that at the very time we need to be able to read, process, hear, and express ourselves, our mind has trouble concentrating, focusing, and functioning as it should.    

 

Our brain is powerful -- it can work against us or for us...  so use anything that speaks to you in a calming way.  There is meditation, biofeedback, faith-based scriptures or quotes, prayer, guided imagery, calming breathing techniques, self-hypnosis, positive affirmations, etc.

 

The simple act of writing 3 things we're grateful for, for 21 days consecutively, has been found to actually create measurable changes in our brain, and it lifts our spirit.   Nothing is too simple or too small to add to our list of gratitudes.

 

Also, there's something called "guided active journaling, or speed or timed journaling" (different from keeping a daily journal), which can give us incredibly helpful insight and allow us to let out and let go of things hard to express.

Here's one discussion about this:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/journal-therapy

 

This process toward healing can be hard... sometimes feels impossible.   

But it can get so, so much better, with work, determination, love, and support.   

 

Not everything works for all, so find those things that resonate.   Hold onto hope.  Ignore the negative voices, the negative people.   They are dealing with their own demons and their power is minuscule compared to yours.   

I know, in my heart, that this is going to be worthwhile for you.   You are strong and brave.   You deserve joy, peace, and comfort and you will find them.  You can do this.  You are not alone.  Remember that.  Hold onto that.  You're in my prayers, (((gemcd))).  Please take good care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.❤️

 

”Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.”~Maria Popova
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,317
Registered: ‎06-25-2012

Re: when you have given up on yourself

I found myself beginning to withdraw and become absorbed with all of this Covid news. I began to walk. I am now up to walking 4 miles a day. I have dropped some weight, began eating right, and most of all, I have a whole new perspective on life! I see things so differently now! OP, force yourself to look outside of your problems. There is an awful lot of good out there to improve how you feel! 

"Pure Michigan"
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,070
Registered: ‎07-19-2013

Re: when you have given up on yourself

@Libraryfan 

 

Please DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

You're not alone when you realize God walks with you.

 

Please meditate, pray and get out - even if only to sit and gaze at your surroundings whilst thinking about what you DO have.

 

Do not give up - and post here often, - see how many replied to you? -

 

Anytime you want to say something on your mind - post it and we will chat it up.

 

Perhaps your mind will take a break from feeling isolated or depressed - and you'll find a moment of good in the solitude.

We are all humans - and in it collectively.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,132
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Re: when you have given up on yourself


@Cakers wrote:

Suggestions are nice but understanding depression - most of these are band-aids on a very serious condition.

 

A person who have been hospitalized for depression isn't about to just get a dog, volunteer at a shelter, go for a walk, etc.

 

There is a deeper issue here; one does not just snap out of depression.

 

I am very concerned that she has "given up".  Serious red flag.

Depression diminishes concentration and even with medication and therapy-it takes time to be lifted out of depression.

 

If one is "giving up" a dog isn't going to turn this around.  Nor is a walk or any other well-intentioned suggestions.

 

The depression itself has to be taken care of first so that she can relearn how to be a functioning person and then she can begin to enjoy her life on her terms.

 

The depressed person can become more depressed when a suggestion just doesn't work.  The person sinks deeper for feeling like a failure.

 

She is alone and trying to diminish her loneliness  with a dog, a book, a walk-it isn't going to work with her state of mind.

 

Had she only posted being lonely-I would say "yes" find some ways to fill your time.  But the depression is overpowering and the loneliness is not going away.  Days seem like forever when one is alone and depressed.

 

I don't know what the issue is with her BIL and it doesn't matter.  Family dynamics are complicated and whether her depression has some ties to him is unknown.

 

Medication, therapy, and a suggestion for a support group (most likely online) by her therapist is key.  She needs to know she isn't the only one in this situation.  She needs the interaction with people who can relate and validate.

 

Relate and validate. 

Then she can take little steps to go outside, read a book, talk over the fence to a neighbor, etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This bears repeating, because it is so, so true.


 

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,120
Registered: ‎02-19-2014

Re: when you have given up on yourself

I'm sorry you are going through this, @Libraryfan. None of it is fair. You need to speak with a professional about it and keep speaking with him or her. Depression like this can't be treated as just a rough patch to power through with tricks and determination. If it were that easy, everyone would do it.

 

This link is to some phone numbers you can call to get more support and get that ball rolling: https://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-hotline-numbers/

 

And the APA (American Psychiatric Association) has these listed as trusted phone resources for people experiencing distress right now related to Covid and all the isolation involved in that. https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/covid-19-coronavirus

 

"If you are a patient or family member or friend in need of immediate assistance:

  • Disaster Distress Helpline (SAMHSA)
    Call 1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Link)
    Call 800-273-8255 or Chat with Lifeline
  • Physician Support Line (Link)
    Call 1-888-409-0141
  • Crisis Textline (Link)
    Text TALK to 741741
  • Veterans Crisis Line (VA)
    Call 800-273-8255 or text 838255"

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling, @Libraryfan. I am sure there are many others who feel very similarly and are grateful you've voiced what they are feeling so well. My love to you. Heart

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,155
Registered: ‎03-03-2011

Re: when you have given up on yourself


@hutchIII wrote:

Hi @Libraryfan,

 

Animals help me alot.  Do you have a dog or a cat?  If not, consider adopting one or you can volunteer to be a foster mom.  When I have a bad day, it makes me feel so much better when I look into the eyes of my little fur baby and see how much he loves me.


This is wonderful advice! If you are an animal lover be a hero and adopt a rescue dog or cat. Google your favorite breed and add "rescue" or check your local shelters. Lots of love out there to bring home and enjoy. Find your new best friend and save a life too. My pups are keeping me sane and happy during these crazy times. As long as I have them around I will be just fine. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,533
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: when you have given up on yourself

I'm sending you the biggest hugs ever!!! 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,124
Registered: ‎11-22-2013

Re: when you have given up on yourself

@Libraryfan Animals are truly a people magnet.  Foster a pet and it will get you moving and you will see and meet other while walking.  It is a great way to boost endorphins and lower your blood pressure. Have a glass of tea and a great book and soak up some sun.  Good luck as others may have other options.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,527
Registered: ‎03-24-2018

Re: when you have given up on yourself

[ Edited ]

for me exercise of any type helps alot. plus praying and reading the inspirational books or things even online. repeating positive affirmations. i always keep in mind my mom and other people i love so much that have died yet they wanted to live! i am on low dose of paxil daily too which helps with my  depression and anxiety. and dont watch the depressing news, I have stopped.